Separation durning pregnancy
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Anonymous
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Okay so my fiancé and I have only been together for a year but have known each other over twenty year. I am 6 months pregnant and he decided to remove himself from our household. Stating he can no longer take my mood swings snd belittling him. I find it immature to leave. I will admit I'm pretty unbearable while pregnant but don't really have controll of my hormones. Need advice should I be okay with this or just move on?
Thanks |
Anonymous
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You may not be in control of your hormones but you are still in control of your actions and reactions and are responsible for them. He left what sounds like an emotionally abusive situation. Good for him. You don't get a free pass to be abusive because you are pregnant. It isn't immautre to remove yourself from an abusive relationship.
You should not even be thinking about moving on right now. Figure out why you are abusive as you are going to be involved with the father for many years to come. Focus on your pregnancy. |
Anonymous
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I agree. I was moody as could be while pregnant, but I never ever belittled him.
The tension, and mood swings will only get worse when darling child is here. It's probably best you all figure things out now. |
Anonymous
| Be careful what you do or say. It will be used against you at a custody hearing. |
Anonymous
| When I say belittling I mean. I tell him he's lazy because I find myself doing everything. I have a 4 yr old work and go to school. We recently had a fire I'm now in the new home doing everything myself. In our previous home he didn't help. He says I'm nagging him and to get off his back. But he makes time to go to the gym(maybe that's his outlet) |
Anonymous
| My advice is if you aren't in your home state move now or forever be stuck where you are (seriously). |
Anonymous
I agree. You are in for a shock when you are served with custody papers. Is the 4 year old his, too? Start documenting all the stuff he doesn't do to help with his existing child. Save everything you can to show you picked up the slack. His lawyer is already doing a victory dance because your STBX is going to claim he left the home due to domestic abuse. |
Anonymous
And how's that working for you? You thought calling him names was going to motivate or encourage him to do more? You both seem to lack communication and problem solving skills. As a PP noted, you can't control your hormones but you are responsible for your actions and reactions. If you've known him for 20 years, his behavior shouldn't come as a shock to you. |
Anonymous
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Since I am not really privy to what actually goes on in your household on a daily basis, I am not sure I am really at liberty to give advise on this.
On one hand, I can see him leaving if you are truly difficult to live w/on a day-to-day basis. For example, if you are verbally abusive to him and just emotional and unpredictable. He may have just blown up one day and left. On the other hand, as a Female who has been pregnant I completely understand the emotional changes one experiences when pregnant and can see stressful it can be for you having to deal w/all the physical, financial as well as lifestyle changes, etc. Overall, I hope he hasn't left you FOR good. It is never okay or acceptable in my opinion to abandon your pregnant partner, especially this late in the game. Hopefully he will return and you two can work it out. Can you still continue your relationship w/out actually living together right now? Perhaps you both just need a "cooling off" period from each other...A sabbatical per say, you know. Good luck. |
Anonymous
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Is the 4 yr old his? If you not, and his dad is not in the pic, then I would also move back to my home state. Once you gave that baby then you are stuck in DC.
With that being said, you can't blame your bad behavior on hormones. You've been acting like or a martyr for no reason. |
Anonymous
| Get a grip, OP. Everyone's a victim these days. |
Anonymous
| I really hate the hormone/pregnancy excuse. My hormones were off the wall when I was pregnant, but I also recognized that they were making me moody, difficult, and irrational. So I learned techniques to control them so I didn't make everyone around me suffer. Seriously, I don't understand why pregnant women think they can treat others like shit and then say "but I"m hormonal!" You CAN control your actions and how you deal with those hormones. I can't really blame him if you were so difficult to live with that he couldn't take it anymore. |
Anonymous
+1 I really dislike the "I'm helpless against hormones!" excuse. Yes, it can be very challenging and upsetting, but if you actually feel out of control, you need to see a professional who can help. |
Anonymous
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I understand OP, I once lashed out at my Dh when I was pregnant and threw something at him which is totally out of my character. It wasn't even so much hormones but just being in pain constantly on top of hormones, it can make you crazy.
But that doesn't make it okay. You need to get control of your emotions and when you make a mistake apologize. |
Anonymous
| Why do people understand postpartum psychosis and not understand psychosis during pregnancy? I've seen it twice with a neighbor. I know when she's pregnant before she ever shows because of the crazy paranoid stuff she starts posting on the neighborhood listserv. She accused me of putting antifreeze in their hummingbird feeder which can only be reached from their deck! |