Things Our DC Need to Know Before Leaving for College

[Anonymous]

So, I was talking to DC about courses, scheduling, etc and realized DC thought scheduling would be a lot like HS where there would be Red and Blue Days.

Interestingly enough, just a few days after that conversation, I was speaking with another HS under the same impression.

Of course I explained to them both that college scheduling is much more flexible and that they can choose when they have class.

This made me think of all the other little misconceptions our DC may have about college that we never think to explain because it never crosses our minds.

Now that the college application process is over, decisions are being finalized, and we're preparing to send our DC's off, I've had time to think about other little practical details DC should know about college and living away from home in advance.

Can anyone think of any?

[Anonymous]

When her "friend", isn't.
Safety issues.

[Anonymous]

How to handle money, including credit cards and opening a bank account in the new town/city. What DCs health care insurance situation is. If female, to go with a buddy to a party or bar and never leave without the buddy.

[Anonymous]

No one cares if you go to class. Which is not an excuse not to go. Laundry doesn't do itself. No one is going to wake you up.

[Anonymous]

Good wake-up calls here. College isn't for undisciplined kids. Do bootcamp right now.

[Anonymous]

- How to use the college meal plan OR how to cook their own food without poisoning themselves or starting a fire.

- What does not go in the washing machine (dry-clean-only suits), and what does not go in there together. How to use the college washing machine, which will be very different than your home washing machine. What does not go in the dryer (frisbees. Frisbees do not go in the dryer. Neither do suits, see above).

- What health insurance they have and how to use it if they need to see a doctor (do they need to have/show an insurance card? Will they have a copay at CVS minute clinic or the student health center, and how much? Do they have to find out first if a provider is in network? HOW do they find out if a doctor is in-network at 6AM on Sunday before finals when they are sick and sure it's not a hangover?)

- Money management. How to use an ATM, how to not get charged stupid little fees at the ATM, how to write a check, how to void the check they messed up writing, how to use a debit card and/or a credit card, when to use which type of card, how to keep track of accounts/bills/balances, how to pay bills, what to do when they forget to pay bills

- How to navigate the campus bus system, especially if they've never used a public bus before (probably not a problem around here)

- That if they are in their friend's dorm room while their friend is doing stupid illegal stuff -- like underage drinking or drugs or hiding stolen street signs from last night when he was very, very drunk -- and if they get caught in there by the RA, they will probably get written up for it too even if they weren't drinking/smoking/whatever just because they were there at the time.

- That if somebody has made bad or illegal choices and is in need of medical attention as a result, it is a far better choice to call 911 for them and deal with any consequences from that than to not do so and deal with the guilt of a friend possibly having a medical emergency or even dying. IF they end up in trouble as a result of a situation like this I might be disappointed in the choices that led to it but I will still be proud of them for looking out for a friend.

- How to mail letters or packages. Real ones, with envelopes, and stamps, and mailboxes or trips to the post office.

- How to write a decent professional-sounding email. (so they don't end up on a professor's wall of shame for using no titles, text speak, and no proper opening or closing)

- How to write a cover letter and a resume -- career and internship fairs, on-campus jobs, and research opportunities all start early.

- Basic first aid, and what medicines or treatments work for a variety of common minor illnesses. Otherwise you will get phone calls at strange times of the night from your normally very tough or independent child that start with "Mom, I feel like crap and I have an exam in the morning, help!". Actually, you will probably get these calls anyway.

- What a spam/phishing email looks like and that the bank will NOT send them one.

- How, when, and with what frequency you expect to hear from them (especially boys, most girls seem to contact home pretty frequently)

[Anonymous]

Use protection no matter what he/she says

[Anonymous]

Is she already sexually active?

[Anonymous]

Warn about over drinking and that he can and often does lead to rape.

[Anonymous]

If someone has been drinking and passes out and won't wake up, call for help ASAP. Complete amnesty from me if you get in trouble for that. Look out for your friends.

Do not take a drink from someone else at a party. If you put your drink down and lose sight of it, get another.

DC already does her own laundry and manages her budget (though needs more work on the latter).

This is a tough one: if he or she needs counseling, there are always services available. However, you cannot guarantee confidentiality form the school when you use their services and there have been many, many examples of schools over reacting. DD has had depression in the past and though she is doing well, we are setting her up with a private therapist so she has someone confidential to go to.

Similarly, if your child has physical illnesses that will need monitoring, do some leg work in advance to find clinicians.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How to handle money, including credit cards and opening a bank account in the new town/city. What DCs health care insurance situation is. If female, to go with a buddy to a party or bar and never leave without the buddy.

What's with the "if female" qualifier?

[Anonymous]

"No glove, no love."

Also, "you have a lot more freedom. use it wisely. even though you're not in class as many hours every day as you were in HS, spend some hours every day studying."

Also, "You will be surprised at how much more writing there is, and you may not be as good at it as you think at first."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If someone has been drinking and passes out and won't wake up, call for help ASAP. Complete amnesty from me if you get in trouble for that. Look out for your friends.

Do not take a drink from someone else at a party. If you put your drink down and lose sight of it, get another.

DC already does her own laundry and manages her budget (though needs more work on the latter).

This is a tough one: if he or she needs counseling, there are always services available. However, you cannot guarantee confidentiality form the school when you use their services and there have been many, many examples of schools over reacting. DD has had depression in the past and though she is doing well, we are setting her up with a private therapist so she has someone confidential to go to.

Similarly, if your child has physical illnesses that will need monitoring, do some leg work in advance to find clinicians.

Therapists in a college counseling center usually have the same ethical obligations to respect confidentiality as other therapists. The only exceptions I'm aware of in DC are where the student poses an imminent threat to herself or to others, or where the student makes the therapist aware of child or elder abuse. I just wanted to clarify this point, as it's important to check the facts. I've worked in four different University counseling centers and confidentiality has always been taken very seriously in each place I've worked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone has been drinking and passes out and won't wake up, call for help ASAP. Complete amnesty from me if you get in trouble for that. Look out for your friends.

Do not take a drink from someone else at a party. If you put your drink down and lose sight of it, get another.

DC already does her own laundry and manages her budget (though needs more work on the latter).

This is a tough one: if he or she needs counseling, there are always services available. However, you cannot guarantee confidentiality form the school when you use their services and there have been many, many examples of schools over reacting. DD has had depression in the past and though she is doing well, we are setting her up with a private therapist so she has someone confidential to go to.

Similarly, if your child has physical illnesses that will need monitoring, do some leg work in advance to find clinicians.

Therapists in a college counseling center usually have the same ethical obligations to respect confidentiality as other therapists. The only exceptions I'm aware of in DC are where the student poses an imminent threat to herself or to others, or where the student makes the therapist aware of child or elder abuse. I just wanted to clarify this point, as it's important to check the facts. I've worked in four different University counseling centers and confidentiality has always been taken very seriously in each place I've worked.

How easy was it to get an abortion?

[Anonymous]

College parties are the biggest problem. Administrations look the other way. They pay lip service to parents who ARE concerned. It's really pretty bad. Cross your fingers. Check on your kid every day, just to touch base and see if she's alright.