Should I tell my daughter about her missing cat now, or wait until she gets home from college?

[Anonymous]

My daughter is away at college and will be coming home for the summer on May 17.

When she moved away to go to college last August, she left her cat behind with me. He is an indoor cat, but unfortunately last night he darted out the back door without warning and I was unable to catch him. He is still missing as of this afternoon and I am still looking for him.

If he doesn't come back soon, do you think I should let her know right away, or just wait until the school year is over? If I tell her now, she will be very upset and worried and I don't know if it's fair to burden her with the information since she can't do anything about it long distance. However if I wait until she gets home and tell her he has been missing for a month, she will probably be pissed that I didn't tell her sooner.

How do you think I should handle this? I'm really sad about it... we all love that cat and can't bear the thought of him being gone for good. Hopefully he will show up soon and this will all be a moot point.

[Anonymous]

Tell her now. Tell her you'll continue looking and will keep her updated if the cat happens to return or you find him.

[Anonymous]

Tell her now, including what steps you are taking to get him back. I can't even imagine how I would feel if my parents kept something like that from me.


When our cat escaped, we looked and called and could not find her. We put up posters and talked to all the neighbors. A week later, the neighbor from two houses down called us and said our cat was on her deck. We still couldn't catch her because she was too scared. But we rented a trap from the humane society, baited it with her favorite food, and caught her that night.

Indoor cats do not usually go far. They get scared and hide.

[Anonymous]

Tell her now, you know that what you should do, right?

[Anonymous]

Don't tell her. What's the point/affect it will have? The cat is either alive and will return or dead and will not. Timeline will not affect this, only serve to worry her and take the focus from where it should be.

That's the way my family operates, anyway.

[Anonymous]

Oh, and the trap rental was super cheap. We had to put down a $50 deposit, but the rental was only a few dollars a day. The remainder of the deposit is returned when you return the trap.

[Anonymous]

Tell her, but also keep in mind unless he gets killed somehow he'll likely be back soon. Mine disappeared for two weeks and came back scared and hungry, but sadly no smarter.

[Anonymous]

Good grief, tell her now. She is an adult and her pet is missing. She may want to come home to try and find him or she may just want updates. This is helicopter parenting to an extreme - when she comes home in May are you going to tell her he went to visit a farm? She is an adult!

What would waiting do if he doesn't come back. She is going ot come home, look for her cat and then you'll tell her he disappeared 5 weeks ago but we didn't think you could handle knowing? That just seems cruel.

[Anonymous]

Now, of course.

[Anonymous]

My vote is for now. She can handle it.

[Anonymous]

Tell her now. She may want to try to mobilize an internet search for him or to put out word electronically that her cat is missing. Likely she has a better idea of how to do that than you.

[Anonymous]

Hurry up and buy an identical-looking cat!

Maybe she won't notice.

[Anonymous]

Later, especially if she is finishing up finals. The cat might return.

[Anonymous]

After finals.

I have a friend that they didn't tell her the cat died the week of her wedding. They kept saying the cat must be hiding from all the excitement/people in the house. She was slightly distracted and believed them.

Don't mess up finals.

[Anonymous]

Tell her now.