Elderly relative getting dad's date of death wrong - tell?

[Anonymous]

Help me DCUM - minor etiquette issue.

I have a really lovely elderly relative who is pretty much the only living member of her generation left in my family. She's mid 80s. I'm in my 30s and lost both my parents (my mom was her niece) within the last 5 years. She sent me a really sweet email this morning going on and on about my dad, what a great man he was, how proud he'd be of me, etc - just so genuinely heartfelt - and it was clear she thought today was the anniversary of his death. Except she's a month early.

So do I tell her? DH said to mention it next time I see her, but I want to respond to the email and it feels odd not to mention it, especially if she realizes it on her own later.

What would you do?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't tell her.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Keep your mouth shut. It's not like she's reporting this info to the gov't and it'll have any impact.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't. I'll be honest, with the exception of one of my grandparents (both of my parents are still alive), I don't remember the days they died. I wouldn't worry about it, the fact that she remembered generally is so thoughtful.

Send her a note "Aunt Jane, thank you so much for your sweet note about dad. He really was wonderful, and I miss him daily. Hard to believe he's been gone almost 5 years! Memories of him always make me smile, as did your email today. Much love, Larla."

[Anonymous]

What would be the point of saying anything? She, in fact, may very well know the date but wanted to send you a note earlier so you'd have it if you chose to do something on the anniversary of his death. If she'd sent the note a month after the anniversary date would you still feel so inclined to think she forgot the date?

[Anonymous]

She's mid 80s. I'm in my 30s and I have no idea what I did last weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't worry about it, the fact that she remembered generally is so thoughtful.

Send her a note "Aunt Jane, thank you so much for your sweet note about dad. He really was wonderful, and I miss him daily. Hard to believe he's been gone almost 5 years! Memories of him always make me smile, as did your email today. Much love, Larla."

+1

[Anonymous]

agree- I wouldnt say anything. It was sweet of her to think of it and send a note. Maybe she does know that is it coming up and just wanted to send a note now. Either way I would just say thank you and not say anything.

[Anonymous]

Do you see her often or will she find out form someone else that she made a mistake?

If she might find out or you might have to be careful about what you say for the next month to pretend the anniversary already passed then I would tell her. Otherwise she is going to feel really stupid when she finds out.

If there is no chance she will find out and you don't interact with her in person, then don't say anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't worry about it, the fact that she remembered generally is so thoughtful.

Send her a note "Aunt Jane, thank you so much for your sweet note about dad. He really was wonderful, and I miss him daily. Hard to believe he's been gone almost 5 years! Memories of him always make me smile, as did your email today. Much love, Larla."

+1

OP here - this is basically what I did. I wrote back and said it's hard to believe it's been almost 9 years, etc. I AM going to see her this weekend but since she obviously thought it was today I didn't want to let the day pass without acknowledging her sweet gesture. Thanks to all who weighed in!