5 year old child who is very scared to go on the potty

[Anonymous]

My son has developmental delays (OT and ST) and we have gone on and off potty training. He just turned five and he is still in diapers. We have done a number of different methods (no underwear in the playroom, tried putting him on potty chair and real potty intermittently) trying to get him to go in the potty. He has pooped in the potty but he is very scared to pee. Usually, it is the reverse but this is what he has done. He has only pooped a couple of times but he has only peed a drop once. We have put him on the potty when I know that he has to go but does not do anything and then he gets off and a couple of minutes later, we have a huge mess in family room because he could not hold it anymore.

I don't want him to be so scared of the potty and he has sat crying saying he is not ready and he is scared. We held off potty training for a while because he was not ready. He could not pull up and push down his pants well and he had some other OT issues. I don't know how to make him not feel scared. He is speech delayed so I was pleased when he told me that he is scared to pee and poop. Before he would just say he did not want to and was not ready but we would not get any more information.

Has anyone ever used a potty training coach? I went to a potty training session by Rene Hackney about two weeks ago and I got some good tips but this seems bigger than the "normal' being scared. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

You don't say much about his delays but boys of 2/3 (which he may be developmentally) are often scared of the toilet. They are afraid of the thought of their feces being flushed away because they think of this as part of themselves. They are afraid they may be flushed away. (Young children don't think rationally about size/shape relationships and tellling them they are too big to fit down the drain is not effective). They are afraid a part of them could fall down the drain.

If he is at this developmental age his fearfulness could be a big issue.

[Anonymous]

This is kind of gross, but for my kid a turning point was getting him really hydrated, letting him play naked and when he started to pee, literally moving the little potty to "catch" the pee. He was midstream, so he couldn't really stop himself, and it was like "wait, that's what you're talking about, just do that, only facing that way? I can do that!" Once he was willing to stand and aim into the little potty, moving to the big potty was easy.

[Anonymous]

OP,

I'm so sorry that you're little guy is going through this. If it feels too daunting to tackle yourself, I would contact Rene Hackney for a potty coach referral.

My kid with motor coordination issues sits on the potty to pee. Definitely invest in clothes with no snaps, zippers, buttons. If your kid is willing to sit on the toilet to poop that's a good thing, so reward him lavishly with praise and a sticker or other small token.

Once a little more enthusiasm is built up. I would try to put him on a regular schedule to use the potty about every two to three hours at times that make sense like first thing in the morning or before meals or leaving the house. I wouldn't go the naked route trying to catch pee b/c that sounds more complicated than just cleaning up/changing clothes if he has an accident. You still may need the diapers when he's out and about until he gets the hang of it.

[Anonymous]

We have a speech delayed child who would not train either. We started very young so the poop and pee was fine in the potty (I think its better to start younger so it is normal and not scary) but we could not get him out of the diapers. Mine pooped trained and night trained before pee and day. It was strange but I was grateful for the poop training. Finally we got him into Gerber Trainers and just put him on the potty every hour. Can you load up an iPad with his favorite games and only let him use it on the potty? We had a few big accidents, then more dribbles. Finally after about 9 months, we are getting there where he puts himself on the potty and is taking more initiative. Get him the elastic pants or shorts. The Circo has a 5t elastic waist that works well. Or Costco has some elastic style shorts right now. Just keep working at it. We are now working on the putting them back on. Its a long process. Just stick with it and do not do any of the trendy things. But, do put him on the potty and force it every hour to two hours in the diaper and then go to trainers. They have cloth trainers that hold more pee. The Gerbers 4T run a bit big but they are probably too small now. Just hang in there. I think it may have more to do with the speech delay (I think ours was the speech delay as now that the speech is finally coming, everything else is coming). I started with the pants up/down by just having him hold the pants with me. It took months of it. He also got used to getting us to do it so finally we had to just refuse. Don't go the naked pee route. He is too old and its gross. Just get tons of clothing and underwear and just stick with it. It was a long road for us (and we're still working on it) but we are finally having success.

http://www.target.com/p/circo-infant-toddler-boys-jeans/-/A-14588434

(they have these in store in shorts too)

We almost went to these but didn't bother:

http://www.kellyscloset.com/Super-Undies-Pull-On-Potty-Training-Pants-_p_4755.html

http://www.kellyscloset.com/Super-Undies-Snap-On-Potty-Training-Pant-_p_4756.html

(You can sometimes get them cheaper at the babyhalfoff site)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

I'm so sorry that you're little guy is going through this. If it feels too daunting to tackle yourself, I would contact Rene Hackney for a potty coach referral.

My kid with motor coordination issues sits on the potty to pee. Definitely invest in clothes with no snaps, zippers, buttons. If your kid is willing to sit on the toilet to poop that's a good thing, so reward him lavishly with praise and a sticker or other small token.

Once a little more enthusiasm is built up. I would try to put him on a regular schedule to use the potty about every two to three hours at times that make sense like first thing in the morning or before meals or leaving the house. I wouldn't go the naked route trying to catch pee b/c that sounds more complicated than just cleaning up/changing clothes if he has an accident. You still may need the diapers when he's out and about until he gets the hang of it.

I'm the "catch the pee" mom, and I just wanted to say, because I think you may have read this differently, that I'm certainly not advocating that anyone run around after their naked kid with a child sized potty as a long term strategy. I agree that would be complicated and gross and probably get you arrested in Target.

This was a one time thing, done while playing in the backyard and not on a carpet for example. My kid just didn't get that he needed to let those particular muscles go in order to pee, and when I sat him on the toilet, scheduled or otherwise, he'd get tense, from balancing and trying to figure out exactly what the heck I wanted him to do, and me showing him didn't really help because he couldn't really see what he needed to do, since letting go is pretty much an inside process.

So, one day we did the naked thing, which allowed me to comment the exact moment he started peeing, and for him to see what it was I wanted. Once he knew that he needed to let go in that specific way, and that turning his body would let him aim (something he didn't know previously because he'd never seen his pee coming out), then I could go back to sitting him on the toilet, and having a schedule etc . . . But first he needed to know what I was asking of him.

[Anonymous]

Pp, depending on the speech delay the child may not know what is expected. With receptive delays sometimes it is not that simple as they just do not get it. Repetition is important.

[Anonymous]

I did exactly the same thing as 19:02. My son pees standing up and always has.... now pooping is a whole different story.. he will only do it for me. My son just turned 3 and is completely non-verbal.