TTC #2 - worried about 6 year age difference
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Anonymous
We've been TTC #2 for 3 years, with one failed IVF. We postponed further treatment because of other issues (stress, moving, etc.), but we are considering IVF again in the fall. One of my concerns is the age difference between DC who will be 5 this summer - with a 6 year age difference if treatment is successful. Anyone have a large space between siblings? What are the pros/cons? We want another child, but I'm a little nervous about doing it all over again. I know the big pro is that DC #1 will be very independent and able to help. 
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Anonymous
| This is a NP. I am having the same issue. I had wanted kids 2 years apart and now it's going on 4. Am struggling with feeling like each month that goes by they get farther and farther apart, and seeing all my mom friends with newborns/pregnant this whole time and seeing how everyone else has them 2-3 years apart... |
Anonymous
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I'm in the same boat but at this point i will be thrilled with any age gap. Good luck to us all
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Anonymous
| OP - After our failed IVF, we kinda just said "okay, so we'll be a family of 3"...and just continued on. At first it was a relief of just moving on, but now seeing his friends have new baby sisters/brothers, its bringing back that "want" again. I feel like its kind of now (early fall) or never at this point. |
Anonymous
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We have a slightly larger age difference. It's wonderful! The kids adore each other, and there are no rivalry problems (so far). It's also been easy on us as parents, because the older is potty trained, can get herself a snack, and in general has all the independence you'd expect from an ES -aged kid.
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Anonymous
| It is what it is. Just embrace the positives, of which there are many. My kids are more than five years apart, not that we planned that, but its been nothing but wonderful. |
Anonymous
| Be grateful, don't worry. period. |
Anonymous
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My kids are 13 years apart. I love it! Each kid ended up getting a lot of one on one time with me and I appreciate more each stage they go through. Good luck OP
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Anonymous
| My older kids loved it when we had twins. They really enjoyed their younger siblings. Now they fight a lot with them, but it is so much easier having that age difference. The older ones are only 18 months apart, and that was hell for me. Much easier having mother's helpers around! |
Anonymous
| My older two were 7 and 9 when my third was born. It has been fabulous. The only thing that's kind of funny about it is that my youngest, now 5, is much more comfortable with teens and tweens than his pre-school peers. Kids his age never pick him up and swing him around or show the kind of attentive interest that his siblings and their friends always have, so it took him a while to figure out how to relate. |
Anonymous
| Don't studies show that a larger age gap is better for cognitive development anyway? |
Anonymous
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My boys have 7 year age difference.I love it, the 3-month old is just starting to notice his brother and big brother is feeding his brother and tapping on his belly if he gets fussy. I expect their relationship to only get better once #2 turns one.They are both very high energy-they'll wear each other out.
The only small downside I see is having to store big brothers clothes for 7 year before little brother can wear them. I'm sure big brother will point out that little brother is wearing his clothes... |
Anonymous
| Mine are 7 years apart and I love it! They are incredibly sweet with each other. |
Anonymous
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This was a stressful for me too when we had trouble sustaining a pregnancy for our second. We ended up with exactly a 6 year age difference and while I would never wish those years of hell trying to conceive a second on anyone, I am actually very thankful for the age gap. (They are now 8 and 2).
Pros: There are no issues of jealousy or fighting over toys. The older one absolutely loves her younger sister and vice versa. Frankly if there is any jealousy, its my first jealous of me when her little sister prefers me at any given moment. The older one is also a huge help and very self sufficient so we never had to worry about chasing after two at the same time. We also didn't have to worry about competing nap schedules since the older one had already outgrown them. Their age difference means they are into different activities which actually allows us to have more one on one time with each of them so the transition from an only to one of two for our older child wasn't so hard. Thinking ahead to college they won't both be in school at the same time which should help with financing. Same if we ever decide to do private for middle or high school. Cons: Since it has been awhile, we forgot how hard it was to survive on such little sleep- it was like we had to relearn it all over again. Frankly, it been like that for a lot of the stages. I forget what we did with the first, or things have already changed about what you should or should not do- hard to keep up! Some people pack a couple of years of hell into a short time period where as having an age gap made it not as bad at any one time, but did drag it out longer. It can be harder to come up with activities both of them like, but they are both very flexible so it hasn't really been an issue. It can also be really annoying how many people comment on the age difference, like we are some kind of weirdos. I usually say something like, well, that's just how it worked out for us or you can't always plan these kinds of things. If you are getting comments now about when are you having a second, its like these kinds of nosy comments never go away. But really, my advice would be not to worry about the age difference. This is something you cannot control and it will be what it will be. I know siblings who are close in age and really close as adults and some who can't stand each other. I also know siblings with a big age difference who are super close. I don't think its the age difference that determines it so much as the personalities, which again, is (largely) our of your control. |
Anonymous
This is us right now, we are approaching 4 years age difference and had aimed for 2. But I am just happy if it happens at all now, and hope for a healthy baby. There are advantages and challenges which each possible age gap I think. |