No desire to bond with sibling's SO

[Anonymous]

My sister is divorced twice and now with a new serious boyfriend. Boyfriend is not who I'd choose for her, but he's not bad. I just have no motivation to bond with him. I've already bonded with two husbands who she's kicked to the curb. Anybody else in this situation? What do you do? Do you act all chummy even though you don't feel chummy? I'm having a hard time faking it.

[Anonymous]

Are you not willing to bond w/this guy because you feel like eventually she will kick this one to the curb too like the other two?

Or is this there just something lacking in the chemistry department w/this new boyfriend??

Oh well. Either way, you do not have to be all chummy w/this new guy.

Just be civil w/him for your sister's sake to avoid any problems/issues w/your sister is the best I can advise.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I have been there. It is annoying. Just play nice and see where it goes. No need to get over-invested if it doesn't feel natural. But don't put up big walls. You are making a new acquaintance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister is divorced twice and now with a new serious boyfriend. Boyfriend is not who I'd choose for her, but he's not bad. I just have no motivation to bond with him. I've already bonded with two husbands who she's kicked to the curb. Anybody else in this situation? What do you do? Do you act all chummy even though you don't feel chummy? I'm having a hard time faking it.

Quite frankly, the guys might be of better quality than your sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister is divorced twice and now with a new serious boyfriend. Boyfriend is not who I'd choose for her, but he's not bad. I just have no motivation to bond with him. I've already bonded with two husbands who she's kicked to the curb. Anybody else in this situation? What do you do? Do you act all chummy even though you don't feel chummy? I'm having a hard time faking it.

Quite frankly, the guys might be of better quality than your sister.

OP here. Trust me, that thought has crossed my mind.

[Anonymous]

DH's brothers have had so many girlfriends and divorces that I don't bother to get chummy with any of these ladies.
None of them last very long.

[Anonymous]

I don't see why you have to "bond" with him. Just be pleasant and polite and take it as it comes.

If you can take some of the history out of your own emotional reaction to yet another guy then it just becomes one more person to treat civilly in life for however long he's around.

[Anonymous]

This is my SIL. She is a serial monogamist. Although she has only been married/divorced once, I can't think of a period longer than a week or two that she hasn't had a significant other in the 18 years I've known her. Most of her relationships last 6 months to a year.

I no longer put any effort into getting to know her latest beau. I'm not going out of my way to meet them or socialize with them, but if they are at the same event as I am, I will be friendly. I treat them like a fellow guest at a cocktail party that I might meet while mingling.

[Anonymous]

You don't need to "bond" with this guy. Just be polite and friendly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to "bond" with this guy. Just be polite and friendly.

+1. You can engage without bonding.