I don't want to be around my sex offender cousin

[Anonymous]

This Spring, I will be visiting my mother in my home state after not having visited in over 5 years.
I get along pretty well with my mom and am excited to see her.
I had a pretty rough childhood. Mom was an alcoholic who dabbled in drugs.
My sister and I were definitely neglected.
We both bolted the second we graduated from high school and never looked back.
My mother's family is a bit "squirrelly" to say the least.
Lots of emotional abuse, covering up abuse for family members, drug abuse, etc.
It is very difficult for me to be around them.
My grandmother is the ringleader of them all.
While I'm there, I will visit my grandmother.
My cousin sexually abused two children about 7 or 8 years ago and was sent to prison for 5 years.
When he was released, my grandmother purchased the home across the street from hers for him to live in.
I'm almost positive that she'll say "I'll call your cousin over so he can see you," when I visit.
He makes me sick and I dont want him anywhere near me.
My grandmother is very elderly and I don't want to hurt her feelings. Is there a gentle way of telling her I don't want to see him?

[Anonymous]

I don't get the big deal in seeing him. He isn't sleeping in the same bed as you, or even the same house. I'm sure people you meet out and about on a daily basis have done worse than him, you just don't know it.

[Anonymous]

But she does know what her cousin did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get the big deal in seeing him. He isn't sleeping in the same bed as you, or even the same house. I'm sure people you meet out and about on a daily basis have done worse than him, you just don't know it.

I don't want to be around someone who hurts children. Bottom line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get the big deal in seeing him. He isn't sleeping in the same bed as you, or even the same house. I'm sure people you meet out and about on a daily basis have done worse than him, you just don't know it.

I don't want to be around someone who hurts children. Bottom line.

Acknowledging his existence is fine. You don't need to do anything more.

[Anonymous]

Tell her you're not comfortable being around him. Is it really worth the risk? I wouldn't want someone like that even knowing my children exist. What if he tries to contact them after you leave? I feel like any contact opens the door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her you're not comfortable being around him. Is it really worth the risk? I wouldn't want someone like that even knowing my children exist. What if he tries to contact them after you leave? I feel like any contact opens the door.

OP mentioned nothing about children.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I do not have children, so that will not be an issue.
I really wasn't asking whether it is ok that I don't want to be near him. I asked for a gentle way to tell my grandmother.
This man is a monster and should never have been released from prison. I don't want to be around that.

[Anonymous]

Can you visit your grandmother when you know he won't be available? Does he work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you visit your grandmother when you know he won't be available? Does he work?

Unfortunately, no. Grandma supports him financially and I have no clue when or if he goes out.
She is agoraphobic, otherwise I would just take her to lunch.

[Anonymous]

why don't you have your mom visit you?

[Anonymous]

Well, drop in unannounced, so she can't invite him in advance. If she does try to invite him, I think you'll have to be honest with her and say that you are not comfortable seeing him right now, but want to spend time with her.

[Anonymous]

How would she take it if you said, "Look grandma, I know he completed his sentence, and everyone deserves a second chance and all, but I am still having a lot of trouble with what happened and since he's not in therapy to address his natural urges*, I just prefer to focus on visiting you."

* Provided thats true, throw that in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why don't you have your mom visit you?

She does occasionally but in the last few years her health has gotten very bad.
She is wheelchair bound and parylized on one side due to a stroke. It is very difficult for her to travel.
I'm also travelling there in order to see my father's (less dysfunctional) family.

[Anonymous]

Thank you PPs. You are right. I really don't think there is any way to avoid telling her I don't want to see him.
I'll just have to do it.