I don't want to be around my sex offender cousin

[Anonymous]

Sometimes I can tell my grandmother things like "oh I'm planning on seeing him after I leave here" and she'll accept it/won't push it. And then I just do what I need to do. Telling her what she wants or needs to hear is sufficient enough to bypass the thing I don't want to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This Spring, I will be visiting my mother in my home state after not having visited in over 5 years.
I get along pretty well with my mom and am excited to see her.
I had a pretty rough childhood. Mom was an alcoholic who dabbled in drugs.
My sister and I were definitely neglected.
We both bolted the second we graduated from high school and never looked back.
My mother's family is a bit "squirrelly" to say the least.
Lots of emotional abuse, covering up abuse for family members, drug abuse, etc.
It is very difficult for me to be around them.
My grandmother is the ringleader of them all.
While I'm there, I will visit my grandmother.
My cousin sexually abused two children about 7 or 8 years ago and was sent to prison for 5 years.
When he was released, my grandmother purchased the home across the street from hers for him to live in.
I'm almost positive that she'll say "I'll call your cousin over so he can see you," when I visit.
He makes me sick and I dont want him anywhere near me.
My grandmother is very elderly and I don't want to hurt her feelings. Is there a gentle way of telling her I don't want to see him?

There is probably not a gentle way to tell her and perhaps you are just expecting too much. Apparently, your cousin's welfare is a priority for your grandmother.

And since you intend to visit your grandmother, (the ringleader) and if your creepy cousin shows up because grandma invited him, then that is the price you'll have to pay for wanting to visit your grandmother under such unfortunate circumstances, knowing that your cousin now lives across the street.

[Anonymous]

Where does the wheelchair bound mother live? Nursing home? Grandma sounds creepy so go over for 30 minutes with back-up-large and normal male member of father's family. Don't let Grandma know where you are staying and stake out the place so her supported pedophile relation is out in his car . Then just drop in since she's there anyway.

[Anonymous]

IF you don't want to see him, say you don't want to see him. If she is rude and persists, say bluntly it's because of what he did.

You are entitled to your feelings. No one should force you into a situation you don't want.

Some women will turn a blind eye (especially mothers). You don't have to accommodate her.

[Anonymous]

Then refuse to see him.

This is only an issue b/c you appear to lack a backbone.

Anonymous wrote:This Spring, I will be visiting my mother in my home state after not having visited in over 5 years.
I get along pretty well with my mom and am excited to see her.
I had a pretty rough childhood. Mom was an alcoholic who dabbled in drugs.
My sister and I were definitely neglected.
We both bolted the second we graduated from high school and never looked back.
My mother's family is a bit "squirrelly" to say the least.
Lots of emotional abuse, covering up abuse for family members, drug abuse, etc.
It is very difficult for me to be around them.
My grandmother is the ringleader of them all.
While I'm there, I will visit my grandmother.
My cousin sexually abused two children about 7 or 8 years ago and was sent to prison for 5 years.
When he was released, my grandmother purchased the home across the street from hers for him to live in.
I'm almost positive that she'll say "I'll call your cousin over so he can see you," when I visit.
He makes me sick and I dont want him anywhere near me.
My grandmother is very elderly and I don't want to hurt her feelings. Is there a gentle way of telling her I don't want to see him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get the big deal in seeing him. He isn't sleeping in the same bed as you, or even the same house. I'm sure people you meet out and about on a daily basis have done worse than him, you just don't know it.

If you don't get it, I am delighted that you will never be around me or my family. Too tired to explain it all to you.

Of course tell Grandma, OP. Her feelings are not so sensitive if she rewarded a child molester with a house, after all. You have every right to avoid being in the same space as a known sexual predator, period.

[Anonymous]

22:29++

[Anonymous]

Slightly off topic, but I just want you to know OP that I am really impressed by you. It sounds like you came from an incredibly toxic family situation, and it sounds like you've managed to overcome it. It's perfectly natural that anytime you find yourself having to confront this dysfunctional set of people again, problems will arise. Whatever the outcome of this visit, I wish you nothing but the best going forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Slightly off topic, but I just want you to know OP that I am really impressed by you. It sounds like you came from an incredibly toxic family situation, and it sounds like you've managed to overcome it. It's perfectly natural that anytime you find yourself having to confront this dysfunctional set of people again, problems will arise. Whatever the outcome of this visit, I wish you nothing but the best going forward.

Thank you for saying that PP.
It was definitely difficult but it made me a very strong person.
I needed to hear that today.

[Anonymous]

This is what skype is for.

[Anonymous]

Keep this guy away. Follow your instincts.

[Anonymous]

OP. I completely understand. I have the same situation with my husband's uncle. The whole family pretends nothing ever happened (he is a registered sex offender). I don't want to be anywhere near him--neither do I want my children near him and that, in their eyes, makes me a horrid homophobe. His sexual preference is not the issue. His choice of "partner" and their willingness to pretend he did not abuse children makes me sick. Stick to our guns and don't let anyone pressure you to associate with scum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get the big deal in seeing him. He isn't sleeping in the same bed as you, or even the same house. I'm sure people you meet out and about on a daily basis have done worse than him, you just don't know it.

I don't want to be around someone who hurts children. Bottom line.

Can you drop in to see your grandmother without giving notice and limit the visit to a short one? Not enough time for Cousin Pervert to drive over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get the big deal in seeing him. He isn't sleeping in the same bed as you, or even the same house. I'm sure people you meet out and about on a daily basis have done worse than him, you just don't know it.

I don't want to be around someone who hurts children. Bottom line.

Can you drop in to see your grandmother without giving notice and limit the visit to a short one? Not enough time for Cousin Pervert to drive over.

Unfortunately he lives across the street and can just walk on over.

[Anonymous]

OP I agree with 10:51 - you sound like you have really managed to come out of a nightmare background with your head on straight. I have a fair amount of disfunction in my family and it can be extremely difficult to build boundaries and stick to them to protect myself.

You have every right not to spend any time with your cousin if you don't want to. You have every right to only visit, in controlled circumstances, the family you want to see.

I would not give your grandmother a lot of notice so she doesn't have time to set anything up. Then I would say (if she says "oh I'll call so and so...") No thank you Grandma, I really just want to spend time with you.

And then - Really, no Grandma. I'm not coming to see him, I'm coming to see you. I only have a little time and I want to spend it with you.

And then - I said no Grandma. If you don't want to see me I understand but I won't stay if So and So is there...

Good luck. And good for you!