"Unconditional love"

[Anonymous]

You often hear people saying that you have unconditional love for certain people, but doesn't unconditional love has its limits? There are certain qualities/flaws in a person you can look past and still love them. However, there are some things that they do or say that end up years down the road making your heart grow bitter towards them. How can you still love? Unconditional love has its limits be it your spouse/partner adult child (and I say adult because you now know they won't change for the better), parent, sibling etc

Who else believes this to be true? Does unconditional love have its limitations?

[Anonymous]

I don't believe in unconditional love, except perhaps from a parent to a child (even this might be debatable, as the child becomes an adult)

I feel like "unconditional love" is something selfish/lying/manipulative people made to make others feel bad, for not putting up with them.

There are requisites and conditions in all relationships. Basic kindness, consideration, honesty, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe in unconditional love, except perhaps from a parent to a child (even this might be debatable, as the child becomes an adult)

I feel like "unconditional love" is something selfish/lying/manipulative people made to make others feel bad, for not putting up with them.

There are requisites and conditions in all relationships. Basic kindness, consideration, honesty, etc.

OP here +100

My thoughts exactly.

[Anonymous]

I don't agree, especially when it comes to children. There isn't anything my children could do that would make me stop loving them. I might not like them, I might even really dislike them but I would still love them. It is hard to explain but that's just how I feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't agree, especially when it comes to children. There isn't anything my children could do that would make me stop loving them. I might not like them, I might even really dislike them but I would still love them. It is hard to explain but that's just how I feel.

OP here,

I totally get that while they are young, however like PP said...what happens when they become adults, can't things change?

[Anonymous]

I believe in unconditional love, but not unconditional relationships. There is a difference. I can love you unconditionally (ex: my child). But if my child was a hard core drug addict or a killer, I would not enable those behaviors, there would be conditions to us maintaining a day to day relationship. I can love you long distance, but not have u in my life day to day if that means you are killing yourself with drugs or have killed someone else and not take responsibility for it.

[Anonymous]

Unconditional love for a child, absolutely. Forever. Doesn't mean I'll always like him, agree with him, or support certain actions.

If he were a murderer for example, I'd turn him in, but visit him in jail.

[Anonymous]

I tell my husband all the time that only one woman will ever love him unconditionally -- his mother. And she would, no matter what he did. Me, as a spouse, I have many conditions on my love for him. He must remain faithful, law abiding, sober, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tell my husband all the time that only one woman will ever love him unconditionally -- his mother. And she would, no matter what he did. Me, as a spouse, I have many conditions on my love for him. He must remain faithful, law abiding, sober, etc.

That sounds like extremely conditional and shallow love. I have found, much to my surprise, that I love my spouse without those conditions. However, my LIKE is highly conditional.

[Anonymous]

I believe that my love for my parents and my children is unconditional.

My parents are, at their very cores, good people. They have loved and supported me for 30+ years. The only things that could ever make me question my love for them would be such extreme behavior as the things that are discussed above- murder, cruelty, etc. And if either parent started displaying those traits, it would be SUCH a personality reversal that I would have to believe that there is some illness responsible, be it a mental illness, brain tumor, etc. I just couldn't believe that it's really THEM acting that way - kwim? So I would hate the illness, and do everything possible to help address it, but I would still love my parents underneath that.

Now, I can say that because they have been good people for my entire life. If I had grown up with manipulative, deceitful parents, I surely would not feel the same way.

Similar with my kids. I will always love them. I may dislike their actions, and I would absolutely change my relationship with them over drugs, cruel or illegal activity, etc, but I don't think that I would ever stop loving them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't agree, especially when it comes to children. There isn't anything my children could do that would make me stop loving them. I might not like them, I might even really dislike them but I would still love them. It is hard to explain but that's just how I feel.

OP here,

I totally get that while they are young, however like PP said...what happens when they become adults, can't things change?

Another poster, here, and no, I can't imagine anything that my children could do, even as adults, that would make me stop loving them. I might not like them at all, I might have to change my relationship with them if they were engaged in truly bad behavior, but I would never stop loving them and I would always hope that we could repair the relationship. If they turned away, my arms would always be open for them to come back.

I feel this way about my parents, too. My spouse is slightly different--I can imagine him doing things that would make me stop loving him, although those would be pretty extreme things--serious cruelty, addiction that caused him to be deceptive and manipulative, etc. Even if we divorced, I think I would always have a place in my heart for him, and wish him happiness.

[Anonymous]

My kids, absolutely. My love for them is very deep. I've carried them inside of me, take care of them and watch them grow up. My hubby, conditional for sure. My parents? Forget about it. Last time I forgot to buy a gift for my mom's mothers day, she held a grudge for years and barely spoke to me. I believe that some people are incapable of loving unconditionally.

[Anonymous]

Even ted bundys mom called him every day of his life until his execution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believe in unconditional love, but not unconditional relationships. There is a difference. I can love you unconditionally (ex: my child). But if my child was a hard core drug addict or a killer, I would not enable those behaviors, there would be conditions to us maintaining a day to day relationship. I can love you long distance, but not have u in my life day to day if that means you are killing yourself with drugs or have killed someone else and not take responsibility for it.

Oh dear god, PP, thank you so much. I am dealing with a family situation right now where I really needed to be able to say what you said... only I couldn't come up with a coherent way to do it. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tell my husband all the time that only one woman will ever love him unconditionally -- his mother. And she would, no matter what he did. Me, as a spouse, I have many conditions on my love for him. He must remain faithful, law abiding, sober, etc.

OMG I feel the same way! It's true. DH agrees that we have conditions on our love, but our love for our children is "unconditional."