WWYD

[Anonymous]

My family has been fractured for the past couple of years. My mom suffers from some sort of mental illness/decline and my father has left. I don't blame him, it's been hard, he had years of dealing with my mom's erratic behavior. He does take care of my mom sort of anyway. He makes sure the house is taken care of and she has some money. He checks in on her. Since he left though, he has no relationship with me or my kids. Have no idea why as we have had a good relationship. I suspect he is embarrassed because he has had an affair and is now living with the other woman. My mother is in denial about the whole thing and she too has basically not been interested in a relationship other than sometimes complaining about my dad being brainwashed. Nothing about me or the kids and how we are. Nothing. I have gone from visiting her every few months (stopped that as it was too stressful and unfair to my kids etc) to just phones calls monthly to make sure she is physically okay. I have tried every which way to get her mental help but she refuses. When I looked into it further, I can't force her. It is actually very difficult to force someone to get help. My dad, I have asked if he could be still involved in our lives and he just says he is busy working and I guess why would you want someone to be in your life who doesn't want to be in it. I suspect in that situation the new woman doesn't want him around us and so sad that he goes along with this. Again, we had a wonderful relationship and I have never said anything about the new person. In any event, our daughter is having her communion soon and my mom called me and asked for the date as she is going or thinks she is going. Part of me was happy she had it together enough to realize there is a communion, but the other part thinks this is not a good idea. My mom has a habit of going off about my dad and also with her mental issues is prone to talking long periods of time to stranger etc. it is weird and I think beyond stressful for me, it's stressful for other family who are coming to the communion and who have graciously helped us without judgement with all the family drama. I think I know the answer. She shouldn't go as without my dad to rein her in, this could be a disaster. I feel bad though. I love my mom and don't want to hurt her so I feel guilty. I had seen a therapist who advised me to cut ties except for check in calls. He thought, based on what I said about her, that she would not be able to stop herself from being abusive and that people like her generally die alone as they drain people. He advised I should focus on the thing in my life that worked. My husband and family including some dear family members. He said I could still be a good daughter by making sure she was taken care of. She is I suppose but anyway I feel awful. What would you do?