just friends with member of the opposite sex

[Anonymous]

I met a guy recently and he gave me his contact info. I want a strictly plantonic friendship. I have a boyfriend who lives in another state. I had a lot fun talking to this guy and I thought maybe we could just be friends. The guy doesn't know that I have a boyfriend though. We just talked for about 15 minutes and then I had to go. I am just wondering how to word this is an e-mail?

[Anonymous]

Why do you want to be friends with him, if you have a boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you want to be friends with him, if you have a boyfriend?

so because I have a boyfriend I can't have any male friends

[Anonymous]

Unless he is gay, this will end badly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you want to be friends with him, if you have a boyfriend?

so because I have a boyfriend I can't have any male friends

You can have all the male friends you want. Your boyfriend can have all the female friends he wants. And both can simply move on.
You seem really young and naive.

[Anonymous]

Just curious, how old are you?

[Anonymous]

Yep, the day I got married I lost about 10-15 of my guy friends. My husband was correct when he said that opposite sexes can not be just be friends without one wanting more. I wanted to prove him wrong but one by one they dropped off and wouldn't call anymore the minute they found I got married. They never cared that I was dating though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious, how old are you?

22

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep, the day I got married I lost about 10-15 of my guy friends. My husband was correct when he said that opposite sexes can not be just be friends without one wanting more. I wanted to prove him wrong but one by one they dropped off and wouldn't call anymore the minute they found I got married. They never cared that I was dating though.

irrelevant. OP is 22 and isn't married.

[Anonymous]

Opposite sex friends aren't "friends," they're "options."

I'm a man. My "friendship" bucket has always been full to overflowing - generally with my guy friends. The "sex" bucket is the one that seems to chronically low. I don't think I ever befriended a woman that I would have been unhappy having sex with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Opposite sex friends aren't "friends," they're "options."

I'm a man. My "friendship" bucket has always been full to overflowing - generally with my guy friends. The "sex" bucket is the one that seems to chronically low. I don't think I ever befriended a woman that I would have been unhappy having sex with.

Lol good to know.

[Anonymous]

OP here. bummer. I recently moved here and don't know many people in the area (by which I mean I know no one in the area).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Opposite sex friends aren't "friends," they're "options."

I'm a man. My "friendship" bucket has always been full to overflowing - generally with my guy friends. The "sex" bucket is the one that seems to chronically low. I don't think I ever befriended a woman that I would have been unhappy having sex with.

So well phrased...thread completed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Opposite sex friends aren't "friends," they're "options."

That... is really sad as a blanket statement. I have several friends of the opposite sex that I do not in any way consider "options" for a potential romantic relationship. Two feel almost like siblings since I've known them for so long, one is happily married, and others are fun to hang out with but would never work as my romantic partner.

OP, I think it can work as long as you are clear in your own mind whether you are truly seeking platonic friendship with the other person or if you see them as a potential romantic partner. Be honest and open with yourself, your friends, and your current and future partners and everything should work out fine for you. Whether or not you can have opposite sex friends and just be friends is a personal choice for you now and just between you and your future spouse when/if you are married.

[Anonymous]

OK, my take. Dating is much more difficult for men because they face rejection and there are about 2-3 men for every woman. Hence, guys are around women because they want something romantic and/or sexual. Women, on the other hand, know just about any guy will have sex with them so why not have them as friends at the least to have some male attention and give the "I want to be friends" speech? Now this may sound totally sexist and juvenile, but I would bet 98 out of 100 people would agree this is true.