why is it so hard to accept help?

[Anonymous]

I've been counting down the days until my parents' current visit because I could really use the help just about now but now that they're here it's driving me nuts! And they're reasonable people so it's probably me but when my dad tries to "help" by telling my kid what she can and can't do - he gets it wrong and I want to tell him to just back off. The rules of the house don't change just because he's here and discipiling my kid is not what I need help with. And it's not really fair to my kid that she's being good but scolded for random reasons that appear to fall from the sky.

Ah, and little things like letting the cast iron skillet soak in water and rust or giving the toddler our fine China to eat out of. It's really NBD in exchange for some help and I should be able to keep it in perspective but every time a grandparent comes to help, I get really stressed out. When they're not here, I wish we lived closer. Grass is always greener I guess. If you genuinely enjoy unpaid help from family, any tips? Maybe if I had 3 more, I become more laid back.

[Anonymous]

That would drive anyone crazy, OP.

Here are my tips.

1. Give your parents a list of things to do, very specific. Don't just expect them to "help" you. Send them grocery shopping. Have them do laundry. Have them fix things.

2. Give them a house tour as if they have never been there before. Here are the dishes we use for Larla. Here is the laundry detergent.

3. Tell them what the house rules are for your child, and ask them to report to you if she breaks them.

[Anonymous]

^ Those are great ideas. In fact, the most useful grandparent stay we've had was when we did a lot of what you suggested, but it just hadn't occurred to us to do it again for each successive visit. Thanks!