Vent about baby shower for co-worker

[Anonymous]

So, I'm 31 weeks pregnant with #2 and a male co-workers wife is pregnant with their first child. My office is in the process of throwing them a huge baby shower. This certain co-worker is also the owner of my company's son, so this is his first grandchild. I know that this is the primary reason they are holding a gigantic shower for the baby and I would NEVER begrudge a woman a baby shower, but I am feeling left out. Yes, I know I am pregnant with my second and I have most everything I need. Note - I was not employed by this company during my first pregnancy so none of these people had to give me a gift before. Not that I think they should but am feeling so left out and almost like I won't be able to tolerate her shower. And, yes, I know I am being grumpy and selfish but I really feel like if you do for one person, you should do for all, especially in a corporate environment! But, I'm only writing this to vent.... Thanks for listening

[Anonymous]

This is the problem with work showers. What is done for one must be done for others. I agree this it's rude that they're not doing anything for you. Let's look on the bright side and thing that maybe they're planning some sort of surprise for you? I hope so and good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

This exact thing happened to me! Only he wasn't related to any owner. His wife was expecting their second child and I was expecting my second. It really steamed me, especially since I did have my first pregnancy at the same company and nobody threw me a shower.

It definitely made me feel like the unpopular girl who was picked last for kickball in elementary school.

[Anonymous]

It is customary for a person to be thrown a baby shower when pregnant with #1. It is not customary to throw a baby shower for a person pregnant with #2. It doesn't matter if the person has bought you a gift for baby #1, you just don't get showers for subsequent children.

I know you are tired and grumpy and feeling left out. I felt the same when the same thing happened to me while pregnant with #2. But keep in mind that a LOT of people would find it very weird if your office threw you a baby shower (it would reflect poorly on you even if you weren't throwing it).

[Anonymous]

I just want to tell you that you are totally justified to feel this way (not to mention the fact that in your state every emotion is so much more intense so any normal person would feel the same way~!~~ I hope that before you leave for maternity your company will do something for you-please keep us posted on how you and when you go into labor, etc. Are you returning to the company afterwards? How big is it? I worked for a small company that had 3 pregnancies going at once so it was one nice shower after the next and I appreciated that (all were first time mom's but still)

[Anonymous]

I actually think having coworkers buy you things is pretty tacky. Good friends at work can come to a private shower or get you something on their own, and work showers set up a situation where people you aren't even friends with will feel obligated to buy you stuff--and they will be irritated. A lawyer at my office bragged about making out like a bandit from the secretaries, who make about 20% of what she makes, in an email she sent inviting people to a shower for some friend of hers. The whole thing was so offputting to me that I skip all formal showers and just buy friends at work gifts when they have kids. The idea that someone who makes less than I do, or even the same, would buy me something because of worrying about running into me in the elevator or something makes me feel really uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

I don't like company showers, birthday gifts, or any of that. It's too obligatory and does not come from the heart.

[Anonymous]

I totally agree with previous posters about not liking workplace showers. In my previous job, there was no company policy -- so if you had workplace friends that decided to do something for you at work, it happened....if your coworkers were too busy and/or didn't think to throw a shower, then it didn't happen. W/out a corporate policy towards this, it leaves too much room for folks to feel left out when it's their turn and yet still feel obligated to contribute $5, $10, or $20 every time someone else's turn comes up....

[Anonymous]

This is OP, I 100% agree with the PP's about a work shower being tacky. Particularly in this case, when the girl doesn't even actually work at the company, no one really knows her and because this is the owner's grandson, everyone definitely feels obligated to buy a gift. It's crazy. There has been a lot of office talk about it and if I were them, I'd be a bit embarrassed, or at least just do a luncheon as way of congrats but no gifts accepted. As for the PP who talked about the no baby showers for #2, I do agree with this, however, my vent was more about doing for all if you're in a work environment.. also, I'm feeling a tad bit emotional lately Thanks ladies for posting!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is customary for a person to be thrown a baby shower when pregnant with #1. It is not customary to throw a baby shower for a person pregnant with #2. It doesn't matter if the person has bought you a gift for baby #1, you just don't get showers for subsequent children.

I know you are tired and grumpy and feeling left out. I felt the same when the same thing happened to me while pregnant with #2. But keep in mind that a LOT of people would find it very weird if your office threw you a baby shower (it would reflect poorly on you even if you weren't throwing it).

I agree. Not to be mean, but since you are on baby #2 (congrats by the way) you sorta aren't "entitled" to another baby shower - it would be fun, nice, and enjoyable, but there really is no precedent and not really expected (see previous threads about 2nd baby showers/baby "sprinkles").

Second, what is wrong with throwing a baby shower for the dad-to-be (and his wife)? He may not "ohh" and "aww" verbally over onesies or appreciate the effort to get a diaper cake through the door of the conference room, but he can still be excited and want to celebrate the pregnancy just like the mom-to-be would. It may be unconventional, but since his wife will be in attendance (and I'm sure she knows a lot of the folks at the company and have "history" with them), it really isn't that unheard of.

True, it may come across as a little bias (especially from your point of view), but that is the nature of baby showers for co-workers.

I know you are just venting, OP, but what solution did you have in mind? Cancel the shower b/c you feel left out? Because nobody acknowledged your baby-to-be? Maybe your coworkers are planning a light luncheon or cake or something in the future - and you don't even realize it. Don't let it get you down.