Cousin asking for loan WWYD

[Anonymous]

My husband's cousin from Asia called asking BIL for a $100k loan. His wife needs cancer treatment, and his father is on dialysis. Cousin has already maxed out on credit cards, and borrowed against his home and business. In short, he is broke. We think his asking for money from overseas relatives is his last resort. BIL is going to loan $20k for now, see if the story checks out in a few weeks during an already planned visit (cousin is a stand-up guy so no real suspicions that it wouldn't), and will probably loan the rest. My husband wants to pitch in $10k. We are not wealthy. Our liquid savings amounts to about $60k. No one has asked us for money, and this is a "loan" that no one ever expects will be repaid. My husband has asked me what I thought. I'm torn. Of course I want to help family, but my husband has a history of at least two other "loans" like these. I'm afraid if I don't say no at some point, we will not be able to pay for our retirement and our children's college funds. What would you do?

[Anonymous]

No, especially since no one has asked you.

[Anonymous]

NO. DON'T do it.

[Anonymous]

No. It looks like BIL can afford to loan 100k, hopefully that is more than enough.

I imagine your DH badly wants to help, is there another way? Could you take a family vacation there and help care for the sick family members or make life easier by cooking/cleaning etc?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. It looks like BIL can afford to loan 100k, hopefully that is more than enough.

I imagine your DH badly wants to help, is there another way? Could you take a family vacation there and help care for the sick family members or make life easier by cooking/cleaning etc?

OP--please do not take this advice. I am Chinese and I can tell you that while they would be polite about it, this would not be appreciated. If you thought about this, take the money that you can afford to spend on travel and arrangements and send that instead. In China, there will be relatives and friends who will always step up and do the cooking/cleaning/etc. They will appreciate you taking the same amount of money that you would use to travel and allowing them to applying it towards medical treatment and family expenses.

Alternatively, what I suggest you do is not only set aside whatever you can afford (even $5K will be appreciated) and then take another side job for a few months or so and put whatever you earn into the fund to donate. $100K will last them quite a while, but not indefinitely. Wait until they start to run low again and then offer the money, whatever you can afford now, plus whatever you earn. Even if you only work 10 hours a week, making $100, that money plus whatever else you throw in could be a life saver next year or whenever. Chinese are pragmatic. $10K when they need it will make much more of an impact than $10K now.

[Anonymous]

"I so wish we had the money to give, but it breaks my heart to say that unfortunately we don't."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. It looks like BIL can afford to loan 100k, hopefully that is more than enough.

I imagine your DH badly wants to help, is there another way? Could you take a family vacation there and help care for the sick family members or make life easier by cooking/cleaning etc?

OP--please do not take this advice. I am Chinese and I can tell you that while they would be polite about it, this would not be appreciated. If you thought about this, take the money that you can afford to spend on travel and arrangements and send that instead. In China, there will be relatives and friends who will always step up and do the cooking/cleaning/etc. They will appreciate you taking the same amount of money that you would use to travel and allowing them to applying it towards medical treatment and family expenses.

Alternatively, what I suggest you do is not only set aside whatever you can afford (even $5K will be appreciated) and then take another side job for a few months or so and put whatever you earn into the fund to donate. $100K will last them quite a while, but not indefinitely. Wait until they start to run low again and then offer the money, whatever you can afford now, plus whatever you earn. Even if you only work 10 hours a week, making $100, that money plus whatever else you throw in could be a life saver next year or whenever. Chinese are pragmatic. $10K when they need it will make much more of an impact than $10K now.

I was leaning toward saying no, but I then remembered all the times my husband has shown his generosity toward others (my own family included), and in this area, I could strive to be more like him. We are not wealthy, but we are not poor by any definition. Unfortunately, this family member doesn't live in an Asian country where the $100k will go far. However, I do like the idea of saving and loaning the $10k at a later point in time. BIL does seem like he can afford the $100k that was requested at this point. I imagine they will need more money at some point in the future. I'm going to keep this idea in mind. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. It looks like BIL can afford to loan 100k, hopefully that is more than enough.

I imagine your DH badly wants to help, is there another way? Could you take a family vacation there and help care for the sick family members or make life easier by cooking/cleaning etc?

Thank you for the suggestion. Unfortunately, with two young kids, we'd be more of a hindrance than a help in this situation, especially since homes in that part of the world are teeny tiny.