Boundary issue?

[Anonymous]

I'm a psychotherapist and one of my husband's close friends is thinking of divorce. One evening over dinner his friend begins to tell me all of his marital issues and asked if I could see him and his wife on weekends. I said no, but that I was more than willing to refer them. My husband jumps in and goes on and on how talking to perfect stranger won't help. Again I go to referring out, how it's not appropriate etc. then his friend says to me, " can we at least come to your office so I can tell her I've met someone else"? Wth! No and please don't tell me anything else. My husband says I over reacted and as a friend I should have been more willing to help. Also, I should have considered how hard it was for the friend to come to us. I say no, no, and hell no. All of a sudden my husband seems to have forgotten about boundaries and I'm a tad shocked he is actually mad at me about this.

[Anonymous]

I agree the guy sounds like a jerk. HE is probably looking for someone to tell is wife for him.

[Anonymous]

Stay strong. You know you're right.

[Anonymous]

You have to be a professional and that's what you were doing. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

How is it that your DH doesn't understand what, where, how of a psychotherapists professional life? Most spouses of Psychs are pretty thoroughly schooled in this kind of thing, both for this reason and in case a current patient crops up in their lives outside therapy. If this is a legit post, you need to rapidly educate your DH about how inappropriate, unethical, and potentially dangerous this was.

[Anonymous]

You are totally in the right as a therapist. Your DH's friend is looking to dump his wife at the feet of a therapist (which as you know is not an atypical move) and you seem like the easiest option. He's looking for an easy out and it is horribly inappropriate of him to turn to you.

[Anonymous]

You are right. You can't counsel friends.

by the way, I have a question:

Is it common for a man to set up a counseling session in order to reveal to his wife that there is another woman? Isn't that sort of cowardly??? Why not tell her directly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is it that your DH doesn't understand what, where, how of a psychotherapists professional life? Most spouses of Psychs are pretty thoroughly schooled in this kind of thing, both for this reason and in case a current patient crops up in their lives outside therapy. If this is a legit post, you need to rapidly educate your DH about how inappropriate, unethical, and potentially dangerous this was.

In most situations he gets it. For instance if we're in a restaurant and someone walks up and just starts talking, he knows not to ask. The only thing I can think of is the fact it's a really close friend. Maybe he's just shocked they were having those type of issues. We've been together long enough for him to know I don't play therapist to friends or family. After a cool down I'll discuss some more. It's made the relationship with the friend awkward to say the least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are right. You can't counsel friends.

by the way, I have a question:

Is it common for a man to set up a counseling session in order to reveal to his wife that there is another woman? Isn't that sort of cowardly??? Why not tell her directly?

I'm not the OP, but a licensed therapist, and yes, it is not uncommon for spouses who have already decided to leave the marriage to agree to going to see a therapist with the idea that they are leaving their spouses in the hands of a professional. Whether it's viewed as noble or cowardly probably depends on if you're the dumper or the dumpee.

[Anonymous]

Psychotherapy is very expensive. DH thought you ought to do his friend a favor (and forget about those pesky ethics)

[Anonymous]

You're a psychotherapist and you're coming to DCUM about a professional boundary issue with your husband??? Really? I would think you have a network of professional support in place.