my mother is a very old 62
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Anonymous
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More so psychologically. I've noticed since she retired a year ago that she's ALWAYS talking about her health. She's becoming as bad as my grandmother had been when she was in her 80s, before she died. They're both very religious Catholics so one would think they'd be more at peace with mortality and try to spend their last years on earth volunteering at a soup kitchen or something, but it's the total opposite.
I try to change the topic when we talk--ask her about plans for vacations with my father, plans to move to a smaller, easier-to-manage house or condo or plans to return to work part-time but all she wants to talk about is health. And the crazy thing is, she's actually pretty healthy. I wish she'd at least talk about exercise, but she doesn't even do that. It's just getting so hard for me to listen to. My in-laws are the same age and nothing like this, and if I even try to say something positive about them, my mother gets snide. These people aren't even wealthy or anything, they're just busy and don't talk about every ache and pill and doctor visit, or who's dying or dead. Looking back, I wonder if this was sort of in the making all along. I think both of my parents have trouble actually just being happy. They seem more comfortable when they're around people who are having it rough, like it's a badge of honor to suffer or be around suffering. I feel like I'm going to need to limit contact for the sake of my own family's sanity but I know that's not going to be possible because they're getting older and someone has to make sure they're ok. Even dinner conversations leave DH sitting there nodding, waiting to go home because they just badger us with negativity about the state of the world. If not that, it's again, all about health. When I call her now she asks the same questions about GC and then it's onto health and who is sick and maybe we have a this or that running in our family because cousin so and so and great-grandma had something similar... ugh! I end up cutting off the calls because I start to feel like I'm wasting my own precious time. For those of you who are dealing with this, have you seen any turn-around, or does it really just get worse? Is it even possible to get an older parent to realize that this is an awful way to live out your life? |
Anonymous
| Your mom sounds depressed. Can you ask her if she is? Tell her you are concerned about her. I think you need to be flat out honest with her and say to her that it's hard to talk to her anymore. |
Anonymous
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Be painfully direct, OP. She may be old, depressed and bored, but she's not senile and has to buck up, at least when she's around you and your family. |
Anonymous
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I'm the OP of this thread:
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/353222.page Retiring early did my mom no favors either. While my MIL gets a pass because she is actually old (85+) my mom started this business in her early 60s too. I also limit contact because I no longer enjoy her company and she doesn't take my advice anyway. No advice for you, just sympathy. |
Anonymous
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+1 ... Retiring early did nothing for my dad. He retired from his 1st career at 49 and started his 2nd career at 51 because he felt useless being retired despite having an active social life, and volunteering with several organizations. Some people just need to work in order to feel like they have something of value going on in their lives.
On the other hand: My mother retired at 45 from her first career, is very active volunteering, traveling, and having a great social life and has never considered going back to work. |
Anonymous
| You've described my mom perfectly. Her career has become watching FOX news 12 hours a day and going to various doctors to find something wrong with her. I suspect she's actually depressed, and has been for years, but she won't hear that..so...I just minimize my time around her. |
Anonymous
Why does it matter that she watches Fox News? Would it be better if she watched MSNBC? Why do people around here continually feel the need to mention Fox News to " try to prove their point"? It's gotten old and unnecessary. |
Anonymous
OP here. My mother watches FOX. If it weren't for Jesus Christ having walked the earth she'd think O'Reilly is the messiah. |
Anonymous
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Np. Yeah, my dad's very similar, fox news and all. Before I spent a week there helping with a health problem I wouldn't have thought to mention the fox news in particular, but it seriously is a different breed of TV. So much vitrol along with flashing images, I can't help but imagine that it fuels depression or anxiety.
Good luck, op. |
Anonymous
| Vitrol should say vitriol. |
Anonymous
| I have the same problem; my mom is also 62. But she lives with us. Ugh. |
Anonymous
NP here. It is a descriptive detail that better allows the reader to picture PP's mom. Like it or not, watching Fox News all day does suggest certain things about someone's personality, especially when the person who is healthy enough that she could actually be doing something active or positive with their time. |
Anonymous
Wow, a bit sensitive PP? Are you Roger Ailes? OP was just sharing what her mother did all day. There was no point to prove. She could have just as easily typed that her mother watched QVC or soap operas or game shows or HBO all day. BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT HER MOTHER DOES. |
Anonymous
| Actually there is a recent scientific report that listening to Rush Limbaugh and watching Fox News for hours a day actually makes you depressed. Retired and unemployed people who have the time and do this actually go downhill. Same goes for surfing the web. I am not kidding. |
Anonymous
| My FIL sits in the garage listening to Rush and starts drinking in the early afternoon. His doctor at the VA hospital actually said he has alcohol dementia. So there's that to look forward to. |