When did you tell people?

[Anonymous]

When did you tell people you were pregnant?

As soon you found out? Before a month mark? After the first ultrasould when you heard the heartbeat? After the first trimester? When?


And if you suffered from infertility for years, did it make a difference in your decision as to when to tell friends and relatives?


Tia.

[Anonymous]

We told our family and two close friends around the 4 week mark and waited to tell most other people around the 10-12 week mark. I am not very good at keeping secrets and the people we told early on were people we'd lean on if I had a miscarriage. Then, I told colleagues around 13 weeks. I haven't suffered from infertility but am older, so the risk of miscarriage was decent.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

With both children, we told our family (parents and sibs only) at 8 weeks and everyone else after the 12 week u/s. I was cautious because I had a m/c at 10 weeks with my first pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Baby #1 told only parents and sister before getting the u/s with first heart beat at 9 weeks or so. Then told colleagues/friends accordingly between 10 and12 weeks.

Baby #2 I told much earlier- I was showing early and pretty obvious. I had no problem sharing at even at 6 weeks ... Of course I didn't tell anyone that I wouldn't feel comfortable with talking about miscarriage, etc.

[Anonymous]

1st pregnancy - told family (under pressure from my sis) at 8 weeks. Lost pregnancy at 11 weeks. My family was *not* great about it - they are the type that decides for you that you want to be left alone - not the case for me.

2nd pregnancy - didn't tell anyone until after about 14 weeks, and multiple ultrasounds. At that point, I didn't want to untell anyone!

Ok - that is me, actually. My hubby told earlier at his office. He's just like that...but those aren't my friends or coworkers so I didn't care.

Best of luck to you!

[Anonymous]

First - told family/close friends at 12 weeks after ultrasound and hearing heartbeat and making it past first trimester. Waited at work until it was almost obvious (19 weeks). I just said my due month and didn't get into details. No problems preparing for maternity leave.

Second - told two close friends at 6 weeks because I was so nauseous and needed sympathy. Lost the baby at 8 weeks. Was glad I only had to share my loss with people I knew would be helpful and did not have to "untell" anyone.

Third (now) - told family at 12 weeks and very close friends at around 12-16 weeks (as we saw them or talked to them). Still have not told work at 18 weeks and don't plan to until I am busting out. I have not gained as much this time and boxy blazers are amazing camaflouge. I have had to go up 3 pants sizes to fit (just pulled out my post-maternity wear).

My sister told at 4 weeks (or maybe less), which we all thought was a little weird. I guess after having lost a baby, I feel superstitious about not talking about all of the details until she at leats has an ultrasound and can see (if not hear) a heartbeat. It is also fun to have something special between you and your husband for a few weeks.

[Anonymous]

Agreed about superstition.

After loosing a pregnancy previously, I waited to tell with this one:

- close 2 girlfriends: 6 weeks
- waited to tell parents for in-person gathering: my parents, 10 weeks; in-laws, 13 weeks
- my husband told his office around 10 weeks, because men cannot keep information to themselves!
- my office: I'll tell them at 15 weeks, waiting this long mainly because I don't expect much support.

To OP: I tried to adhere to the advice that you ought to tell people you want to share the joy with but that you will also feel comfortable going to for support in the case of a problem.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

[Anonymous]

I told every family member and every friend that I spoke to immediately. I had struggled with infertility for years, so even a positive test result was something to really celebrate -- even if it turned out that I lost it, which I didn't. I waited to tell people at work until 3 months.

[Anonymous]

We struggled, as well. We told family, friends and coworkers all at around 14- 15 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Parents and siblings, day we found out. Close friends throughout the first trimester (depending on when we saw people in person). Extended family and everyone else - telling starting now (14 weeks). Work... we'll see!

[Anonymous]

We struggled. We told people at 15 weeks. We figured sharing sorrow would be WAY too hard, and so it was easier to protect ourselves from having to share with anyone we didn't want to share with.

[Anonymous]

I told my "inner circle" 1-7 days after we found out. These were the people I would want to know and support me if I had a miscarriage. Parents, closest friends.

Everybody else we told about 3.5 months.

[Anonymous]

We told our close family right away and then I told one of my closest girlfriends. We had been planning to be open about the pregnancy right away but my best friend upset me when I told her because she launched right into a dire warning for me not to tell anyone else this "early" because my miscarriage rates were still "so high."

I told her we weren't that worried about miscarriage (not that we didn't think it was possible, we just weren't stressing), she proceeded to tell me that 35-45 percent of all pregnancies end in miscarriage and I SHOULD be worried and i shouldn't tell anyone else. When I told her I didn't need any more information like that she pressed on and told the horror story (you all know it) how her friend told everyone she knew then people would come up to her months later and she'd break down in tears... etc etc.

I know she meant well but I was shocked that she would not only tell me that story but then sort of press on with the frightening comments when I told her we were feeling confident about this pregancy. What's worse, I have not seen ANYTHING anywhere suggesting that miscarriage rates are that high for the average pregnancy. I mean, they're high enough without inflating them! I know my friend was trying to protect me from getting my hopes up but she was so insistent about getting my hopes down that it really upset me. I felt like she peed on my parade. Even when I told her how rude I thought she was being, she still kept blathering on! (Suffice it to say, she's not my go-to friend to talk about my pregnancy anymore, which is too bad.)

Anyway, this long rambling paragraph explains why we waited to tell everyone else until later. Not because, as my friend so direly warned, because "there's a good chance (I) would just have to untell everybody later" but because my friend came very close to dampening the joy I"d been feeling in my early pregnancy and I didn't want to hear that kind of negative stuff, so we kept it to our famillies. And then my mom ended up telling my entire extended family anyway (another huge issue) so I didn't even get the pleasure of announcing the news myself. We told another layer of friends at about 10 weeks (after we'd seen the ultrasound) and now (i'm 13 weeks) we are telling people when we see them in person.

A PP mentioned that many people found it weird when her sister told at 4 weeks. This is a little bit depressing to me. (BTW, not saying you're wrong to feel that way -- because obviously so many people do). I just think everybody is different and what works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another, and there is nothing weird about wanting to share a joy (even one that comes with some risks and some challenges) as soon as you feel like it. So, OP, tell people when your heart and brain both think "it's time to tell."