If your child is going to school on a scholarship....

[Anonymous]

My DS is attending college on a merit scholarship. As her parents, we intended to pay for her college tuition at a state or moderately priced private school. We weren't able to save as much as we wanted, but would have found other ways to pay her tuition so she doesn't graduate with loans.
So I guess my question is, since she has her own funding for the moment (she may switch majors and then will lose her scholarship), should I put aside the money she is saving us to give to her later? Buy her a new car? (she drives a family hand-me-down) Offer to pay for graduate school?
We are still paying for her living expenses and incidentals, if that makes a difference.
Thanks.

[Anonymous]

OP here, meant to type DD

[Anonymous]

I like grad school better than a new car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like grad school better than a new car.

+1

[Anonymous]

Colleges/universities play game with the "scholarship/merit" stuff. So they give the money out to get the student in to the school and after a year or so, the money goes. Unless the money is guaranteed for the full four years, do not count on it. I would wait till she is through and give her the money.

[Anonymous]

This was the situation with me/my parents exactly. They kept the $$ until I graduated from college. Then they bought me a new car (b/c my 1st job was not accessible via public transit) and later when I got engaged gave me a big gift that I could use on a wedding or whatever I wanted. (They also used some of the $$ to put an addition on the house).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS is attending college on a merit scholarship. As her parents, we intended to pay for her college tuition at a state or moderately priced private school. We weren't able to save as much as we wanted, but would have found other ways to pay her tuition so she doesn't graduate with loans.
So I guess my question is, since she has her own funding for the moment (she may switch majors and then will lose her scholarship), should I put aside the money she is saving us to give to her later? Buy her a new car? (she drives a family hand-me-down) Offer to pay for graduate school?
We are still paying for her living expenses and incidentals, if that makes a difference.
Thanks.

We are in the same position--saving diligently for college but won't be able to afford many private schools unless our children get scholarships. We will have enough to pay for in-state. We have informed our kids that if the in-state alternatives are not what they want, then they should work as hard as possible to increase the chance of getting a merit scholarship elsewhere.

I don't think of the money as belonging to my children. It belongs to DH and me and has been set aside to pay for an obligation we anticipate (sending our kids to college). If we don't have to spend all of the money, the money is still ours, and we will find some other use for it. I don't see college expenses as any different from the other expenses my children generate. If one of my kids wants to take piano lessons, and the cost for a private lesson is $50/hour, but then my child is invited to play in a school orchestra and gets free lessons at school instead, I don't then pay my child the $50/hour. I was warned that one of my kids will probably need braces, so I've been setting aside some cash for that. If it turns out that he doesn't need braces, I will find something else to do with the money. I will not say to DC, "oh, you saved me $5000 by not needing braces, so here you can have the money."

So if one of my kids doesn't need any or all of the money we've set aside for college, we will consider that money back in the general pool of our money, not as continuing to be earmarked for the DC in question. In the short term, that would probably mean leaving the money where it is, just in case DC lost the scholarship or hated the school and decided to transfer or whatever. Once DC had earned a degree, if there was money left over, we would again reassess our finances and decide whether we wanted to and could afford to help with grad school (or anything else) or if instead we wanted or needed to dedicate that money to something else.

I look at it this way: I consider it part of my parental obligation (given our income and education level) to arm my kids with the education they need to be self-supporting adults. I don't consider it part of my parental obligation to make sure my kids get (say) $150,000 in cash or kind. If my kid can get the education he/she needs for $100,000, then my parental obligation has been fulfilled. I don't "owe" them $50,000.

[Anonymous]

We are in the same position--saving diligently for college but won't be able to afford many private schools unless our children get scholarships. We will have enough to pay for in-state. We have informed our kids that if the in-state alternatives are not what they want, then they should work as hard as possible to increase the chance of getting a merit scholarship elsewhere.

I don't think of the money as belonging to my children. It belongs to DH and me and has been set aside to pay for an obligation we anticipate (sending our kids to college). If we don't have to spend all of the money, the money is still ours, and we will find some other use for it. I don't see college expenses as any different from the other expenses my children generate. If one of my kids wants to take piano lessons, and the cost for a private lesson is $50/hour, but then my child is invited to play in a school orchestra and gets free lessons at school instead, I don't then pay my child the $50/hour. I was warned that one of my kids will probably need braces, so I've been setting aside some cash for that. If it turns out that he doesn't need braces, I will find something else to do with the money. I will not say to DC, "oh, you saved me $5000 by not needing braces, so here you can have the money."

So if one of my kids doesn't need any or all of the money we've set aside for college, we will consider that money back in the general pool of our money, not as continuing to be earmarked for the DC in question. In the short term, that would probably mean leaving the money where it is, just in case DC lost the scholarship or hated the school and decided to transfer or whatever. Once DC had earned a degree, if there was money left over, we would again reassess our finances and decide whether we wanted to and could afford to help with grad school (or anything else) or if instead we wanted or needed to dedicate that money to something else.

I look at it this way: I consider it part of my parental obligation (given our income and education level) to arm my kids with the education they need to be self-supporting adults. I don't consider it part of my parental obligation to make sure my kids get (say) $150,000 in cash or kind. If my kid can get the education he/she needs for $100,000, then my parental obligation has been fulfilled. I don't "owe" them $50,000.


Well said -- I feel the same way. My kid is in the first year of four-year full tuition scholarship at a private college and so we're thrilled about the probability of adding a significant portion of the money we've been saving since birth for college expenses to our retirement funds. Yee ha!

[Anonymous]

Save it for grad school if your child wants to go.

[Anonymous]

So long as it is money we have saved, not money gifted by grandparents for the purpose of college, that money is not my child's. Especially if you have more than one child, I think this sets a slippery slope type problem. Child 2 does hockey, which costs $$$. Child 1 does track, which costs a few pairs of runners. I don't then give Child 1 the difference between the cost of track and hockey.

Assuming I had another child, I would likely say, oh good, now I'm ahead of plan on saving for Child 2 to go to college.

[Anonymous]

College students don't need cars
Save it for graduate school. Or for in case something happens to the scholarship. Sometimes those can be revoked.

[Anonymous]

I set up trust funds for each child when they were born. I added money diligently and invested wisely. I told the kids that the trusts belong to them. Legally they do own them, subject to certain stipulations, although I am the trustee. I have told them the purpose of the trust is for their education and there is enough in the trust (by the way I share the exact numbers) for 4 years of private college, spending money and a little left over for grad school or a down payment on a house or whatever. I explained if they go to a state school there is enough for all of grad school and more. I try to treat them as adults but to give them solid guidance at the same time. Yes, it was my money, but once I put it in the trust it was for them and that is just the way I want it to be. BTW they are great kids with their heads screwed on properly, very hard working and goal oriented.

[Anonymous]

And btw DC got almost a full merit scholarship to a private college. He is still very careful with the spending money. Now law school or biz school is fully funded too.

[Anonymous]

Grad school and/or we will put in Roth IRA for them until they graduate and start earning a ft salary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grad school and/or we will put in Roth IRA for them until they graduate and start earning a ft salary.

How does that work out?