What are your thoughts on a large 40th birthday party?

[Anonymous]

I'm turning 40 this fall and would really like to have a 40th birthday party (thrown by my husband). I'm surprising myself (and will surprise those who know me) because I'm usually not a big birthday person and I'm very reserved/quiet. I'm probably the last person that most of my friends would expect to have a large 40th birthday party.
However, I do have a lot of close friends. I value relationships with people very highly and put a lot of effort into maintaining close friends. I was making a mental list of the people I would invite (not acquaintances but very good friends) and it's easily 25 women (plus husbands/partners).

Is a 40th birthday party with 50 people invited too large? Okay? Obnoxious? The norm? What's the DCUM consensus?

[Anonymous]

Go for it. If you have 50 people that you like -- so much the better. Celebrate and enjoy. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. FWIW, I think it is completely fine!

[Anonymous]

I just threw a 70th birthday party for my dad 2 years ago with 40 people and my husband threw a 30th birthday for me a few years back with over 50 people. But we're large party people. I'm gearing up at the moment to host a 50th anniversary party for my parents which will likely have well over 50 guests.

I wouldn't think twice about being invited to and attending a large 40th birthday.

[Anonymous]

If you are close with all those people then by all means invite them and have a great time. However, if you aren't that close, then it might look showy. Something about the intimate dinner party of valued, cherished friends seems right at 40. But if you have 50= valued, cherished then party on.

[Anonymous]

Go for it! I love big parties and it sounds like it would be fun.

[Anonymous]

My husband threw a surprise party at our house for my 40th. Closest friends, some neighbors, my sister--I hate surprises but loved it. He even had it catered.

I then threw a surprise one for him at a bar downtown (private room). Biggest surprise was sneaking his best friend from NYC down for it. That touched him the most.

[Anonymous]

LOL @ "thrown by my husband."

[Anonymous]

I had around 25 people total (12 close friends plus spouses). 50 would be too large for me, but if you're truly close to all of them, go for it. Just for 25 people though we spent about $4500, so it may also depend on your budget.

[Anonymous]

I think things like birthdays and holidays are excuses for parties. We celebrated my 40th with a very casual wine and cheese party and a few dozen people. Families with kids came early, friends without kids or those who got sitters came and stayed until midnight. It was a blast.

Had there been speeches, or a slide show of my life, that would have gone over the edge into self indulgent but this was really simply a chance to get together with friends we enjoy.

[Anonymous]

I just attended my friend's 40th -- they rented a restaurant and had dinner, had an open bar, slide show, dancers, and speeches. It was an absolute blast. It was a reunion of many old friends. I think any friend would love a great party.

[Anonymous]

I did it a few weeks ago! It was a blast. Go for it.

[Anonymous]

It's not my thing, but if you will enjoy it, why not? 40 is a perfect time to celebrate your life and relationships. Just make sure it's not a lot of work for you, so you can truly enjoy yourself. And happy birthday!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm turning 40 this fall and would really like to have a 40th birthday party (thrown by my husband). I'm surprising myself (and will surprise those who know me) because I'm usually not a big birthday person and I'm very reserved/quiet. I'm probably the last person that most of my friends would expect to have a large 40th birthday party.
However, I do have a lot of close friends. I value relationships with people very highly and put a lot of effort into maintaining close friends. I was making a mental list of the people I would invite (not acquaintances but very good friends) and it's easily 25 women (plus husbands/partners).

Is a 40th birthday party with 50 people invited too large? Okay? Obnoxious? The norm? What's the DCUM consensus?

I don't get why, if you "value relationships with people very highly and put a lot of effort into maintaining close friends," you even care to ask about "DCUM consensus"?

Who cares?

Just do what you feel like doing.

[Anonymous]

Yes! Celebrate and celebrate your friendships!

[Anonymous]

Do it! But make it clear that you do not want or expect gifts. It is super awkward to try to buy a birthday present for a non-relative adult, and if I were you I would feel silly taking presents from my friends like that.