Helping kids learn to manage eating and exercise during the tween and teen years
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Anonymous
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I feel as though I'm seeing lots of threads here about tweens and teens and helping them manage their eating and exercise during these transitional years. A lot of these posts seem to come from the perspective that something is "wrong" with the young person in question, who gets labeled as a binge eater or overweight, or with the parent posting, who may get accused of being neglectful and a control freak in the same thread.
I know for my 15 year old, that in the past 5 years he has 1) Grew six inches, with an accompanying increase in appetite 2) Started spending large amounts of time alone afterschool, with unrestricted access to the fridge and cabinets 3) Got a job and his own spending money, and the freedom to move around the neighborhood and spend it 4) Went from twice a week PE (public Elementary School) to 5 day a week (public MS, one year of HS) to no days a week (public HS) 5) Moved from playing rec sports year round, with 60 minutes of practice, much of which was spent on socializing, waiting a turn in line, or eating a snack, to periods of intense exercise (e.g. two a day practices in August for his fall sport) and periods of relatively little exercise (e.g. the "off season" for his sport). 6) Naturally shifted from selecting activities that included moderate exercise, like playing on the playground, or riding bikes, or wrestling with the dog, to selecting activities that either involve intense exercise (e.g. going to the gym to lift weights) or none at all (reading, video games). I suspect that most parents of kids this age will be able to relate. Given that, I wonder if instead of threads where we debate one particular kid, and pile on the parents and other posters, we could have a thread that recognizes that shifting from parent to child control of one's own eating and exercise, and from childlike exercise habits to mature ones, are universal developmental challenge for this age group, and that, like every other developmental challenge, from toilet training, to learning how to read, to going off to college, there is a wide range of normal, and a wide range of strategies that families use. Given that, let me start off with a few questions, that I'll answer for myself in the next post What challenges have you and your child faced in this area? What strategies have been helpful? What strategies didn't work? What would you differently? What kind of suggestions would you like? |
Anonymous
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OP here,
First of all, I'm cringing at my grammar. I hope you will all give me the benefit of the doubt that I know that "He has grew 6 inches" is not actually a correct sentence, and that I edited the top without realizing it threw off the middle part. For my son, who is 15, the biggest challenge has been managing portion sizes when he's hungry all the time, and when there's no one "serving" him the food. I think it's easy for him to come home from school, especially during the season for his sport, and feel starving, and then he starts eating and doesn't stop until long past the point when he's probably "full". Helping him to slow down so that he notices the cues from his body, without stepping in and telling him to stop which doesn't help him develop his own skills has been a challenge. Here are a few things that have helped with this: 1) Foods that are more "intense" seem to satisfy him longer or with less quantity. e.g. trail mix with nuts, dried fruit and habanero peppers (spicy), or baby carrots and celery with guacamole (crunchy), granny smith apples (sour and crunchy), frozen berries (cold), plain kefir (sour). 2) Foods that are higher in protein seem to stick longer: Hardboiled eggs, cheese sticks, peanut butter and cold cuts are staples. I also like to have leftovers in the fridge: chili, soup, a roast chicken to pick at . . . , we've also switched to higher protein breads and cereals, and Greek yogurt instead of regular. 3) Individually portioned foods slow him down a little, whether they come that way, or whether I buy them and portion them myself. 4) I try really hard not to nag about food, but the following piece of advice seem to have stuck: a) If you've eaten a few portions of something, and you're still hungry, try something different (e.g. don't go back for a 3rd yogurt or bowl of cereal, try some fruit or an egg or a PB and J instead). Things that haven't worked: 1) Going low carb. While more protein helps, taking this too far backfires, and makes him much more likely to go overboard on "junky carbs". 2) Too much advice, or too many rules. 3) Not keeping snack foods in the house. 4) Teaching him to cook. This has been fun, and convenient in that I can ask him to make dinner, but when he's starving he goes for things that are fast and easy in the moment. |
Anonymous
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Your son is 15, not 5. I can't imagine it's healthy for him to have his parent monitoring and fretting about his food and exercise habits to the degree you describe.
A bit of advice: 15 year old boys are trying to understand and get to know their bodies. Having their mother or father intimately involved in that effort is at best awkward and at worst counterproductive. Please consider backing off and letting him figure things out. Unless you think he's experimenting with drugs, alcohol or sex. That's free game for parental intrusion at age 15. But portion control, flavor intensity, mix of carbs/protein etc.? Those things should absolutely be his domain by age 15, if not quite a bit sooner. |
Anonymous
| OP I think this is a great thread, thanks for starting it. I have a 9 year old, so can't offer much advice yet. But I've noticed that she used to stop when full, but now keeps going. Part of it is mindless eating (eating when reading or snacking while watching TV). So as a family we're trying to stop that, adults too. |
Anonymous
OP here, Like most parents of 15 year old boys, I'm still the one who buys the vast majority of food that comes into this house, and since my kid is currently at an age when he eats anything that isn't nailed down, it means that I'm pretty much in charge of the mix of flavors and protein/carbs he eats. In many ways it's like we turned toddler hood on it's head. I have a great deal of control, whether or not I want it, about what he eats, and relatively little control about how much he eats. Short of sending him to do the grocery shopping (which we've done, with some success, but don't do on a regular basis), I'm the one who is doing the majority of thinking about whether I buy trail mix or granola bars, and whether I get 4 boxes of cereal or six. I understand you think that's intrusive, but it is how it is. I should note that I do ask, every single time, "what do you want at the grocery store. Send me a text and I'll add it to the list", and I get maybe 1 thing. Like "cereal" or "guacamole", or most frequently "food". Unless he asks for something that's sold out, I buy it, but I'm not going to fill my cart with guacamole, so I still have to decide "carrots or chips?" and "what else?". |
Anonymous
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Watching this thread with interest (my sons are in elem).
I'm curious how to encourage Tweens/teens to work out regularly/value exercise? |
Anonymous
| I would get rid of boxed cereal. It is junky carbs, too easy to eat the whole box. Annoying that it costs the manufacturer .50 a box to make, sells for $3-4 a box. |
Anonymous
OP here, Managing exercise has come easier to my kid that managing food so I have less strategies to offer as either suggestions or failures. One thing that I will say that worked was being open to the fact the what had worked before wasn't the answer. For my kid, changing sports in middle school, from one I picked when he was 4 based on convenience, to one that he chose based on his own self knowledge, seemed to make a big difference in raising his interest level. Other things that have worked for us, but that I wouldn't do just for this reason are 1) Picking a house that happens to be just under limit for bus transportation to our local high school. 2) Living in a neighborhood with great public transportation, and encouraging kid to master it and be responsible for getting places. 3) Having a dog who kid adores, and who demands to be walked, and no fence. Again, these aren't exactly advice. I'm sure there are ways to get your kid to exercise that don't involve moving, or buying a dog or tearing down your fence. We didn't do any of these things in order to promote exercise, but they |
Anonymous
OP here, I think I'm half asleep as evidenced by my unfinished sentence. I meant to say "but they seem to have worked for that purpose so I haven't really needed to look for other ideas." |