TTC and job changes, Leaning In

[Anonymous]

Have been TTC for a year. One MC, one chemical. Recently got offered a job (lateral move, so no pay raise) that presents some exciting challenges for my work. It also involves a longer commute. I am going through the paperwork process now after accepting and feel like maybe I made a mistake. I accepted at the start of a cycle, and was thinking that I'd never get pregnant, and now am in the 2WW and have those feelings of hopefulness again. I could totally have a kid with this new job -- it just wasn't what I pictured when I accepted. I had told myself we'd keep trying naturally, and see, but not do any IUI or anything for several months to give me a chance to settle into the routine. I guess I am just getting cold feet.

I really really believe in the Lean In philosophy of work hard until your water breaks. I think it presents unique challenges, though, when you've been TTC for a while. Hard to keep leaning! But at the same time, I am so glad that I didn't lean out over a year ago! I'd be way behind, for nothing.

Just wanted to vent/share. Would love to hear others' stories and perspectives.

[Anonymous]

Look - my experience has been if you're the hardworking, no excuses kind you'll remain that way while pregnant. Yes, I was sick, yes I had complicated appointments etc - I was honest with my bosses and worked extra hard when I was feeling good. Bottom line was the same and I came back as strong as ever both times (two kids born 2.5 years apart, 3 mos leave each time, had switched jobs in between kids so different companies).

Being at a new job in the first tri isn't ideal - you won't feel like you're performing your best, etc - but the road of both parenthood and career is long and those few months are just a blip. Don't put your career on hold for TTC and don't put TTC on hold for your career. Things work out.

Good luck to you!
- working mom of 2, 2.5 yrs and 3 mos

[Anonymous]

I understand what you are saying OP with the challenges of TTC but still continuing your upward career path. I wanted to offer one thought on leaning in. I actually disagree with a lot of what Sandberg said. Before I got pregnant, I started looking for jobs that would allow me to continue upward (albeit not as steeply) with a child. So, I suppose I left-before-I-left (or however Sandberg says it). So I switched to a more family-friendly but still well-respected job before I had DD. The payoff has been HUGE because I have continued to work in my more-flexible, well-paid job far longer than I could have in the high-pressure job I was in originally. So I did not lean-in but I leaned to the side to find something that would work long term. So, in short, my advice is to think long term. If the new job is one you would want to do after a baby, then stay at it. If not, maybe look around for the best of both worlds.

[Anonymous]

What exactly is the problem with the new job? The longer commute? The fact that it's going to be hard work? You said you could have a kid at the new job, so I'm not really getting the issue.

What is your current job like? Do you enjoy it? Is it more family-friendly? Is it something you want to do for another 2 years or so? You must have some reason for leaving... what is it?

Are you getting cold feet about the new job itself, or are you just really feeling like you want to get pregnant right away and worrying that you shouldn't do that at a new job?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Sorry for the delay in replying to 21:55. Current job is OK but sort of meh. Some days are great and I love it and feel exhilarated, but other days I feel like this is not what I want to be doing. I think the new job is a little more exciting and would get me up in the morning. And yes, I guess my worry is that I shouldn't get preggo right away at a new job. But if I did, it wouldn't be the end of the world. I wouldn't get fired or anything.

This advice has been great. And I started spotting today so looks like it's a moot point this month anyway... will keep plugging ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look - my experience has been if you're the hardworking, no excuses kind you'll remain that way while pregnant. Yes, I was sick, yes I had complicated appointments etc - I was honest with my bosses and worked extra hard when I was feeling good. Bottom line was the same and I came back as strong as ever both times (two kids born 2.5 years apart, 3 mos leave each time, had switched jobs in between kids so different companies).

Being at a new job in the first tri isn't ideal - you won't feel like you're performing your best, etc - but the road of both parenthood and career is long and those few months are just a blip. Don't put your career on hold for TTC and don't put TTC on hold for your career. Things work out.

Good luck to you!
- working mom of 2, 2.5 yrs and 3 mos

Well to be fair. Yours were spaced out in age. They aren't that close in age.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you'd be bored in the old job regardless. Move on and adapt as needed