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gender surprise with monthly ultrasounds possible?
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Anonymous
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Hello all,
My husband and I are expecting our first child next summer. I am seeing Dr. De Souza, so I will be getting an ultrasound every month, as is his policy. My husband and I had initially planned NOT to find out the gender of our child before birth. But I'm wondering how that can be managed with a monthly ultrasound. This may be a stupid question, but please indulge a first time mom... Will I have to avert my eyes from every ultrasound? If that's the case, I'm not sure I'd be able to hold firm to my desire for a surprise, since I just don't see us passing up the chance to see the development and changes in our expected child just to preserve the surprise. What, if anything, (besides telling you not to look at all) can a doctor or tech do during the ultrasound if the parents want to be surprised? (My husband said maybe they can put a strategically placed post-it note over the screen). Is the ultrasound so clear that there's no way we'd be able to miss a penis (or lack thereof) or does it take a trained eye to discern the genitals from, say, an arm or a leg? My 8 week ultrasound was obviously not very clear, and there were no gender markers yet anyway, but I think the next few will probably be different. Thanks for any help. |
Anonymous
| You won't really know what you're looking at except for the obvious foot/head/arms flopping around. IF the u/s tech is skilled, they can avoid showing you the actual parts. I had an u/s every 3 weeks with my twins and half the time I had no idea what I was looking at. LOL! Best of luck to you. |
Anonymous
| Why are you getting monthly ultrasounds? That seems excessive. . . |
Anonymous
| The thing about ultrasounds is, if it's a girl you are never positive, but if it's a boy it becomes rather obvious. Even if you don't look (or use the strategically placed post-it note and don't get any copies), you need a staff well trained in acting to truly preserve the surprise. |
Anonymous
I'm not sure why you'd say it was excessive, although it may differ from what your doctor does. Clearly, different doctors have different philosophies and I believe Dr. Souza does monthly u/s's with all of his patients, not just me. I can't imagine anyone wouldn't welcome opportunity to check in with baby-to-be once a month if given the opportunity. My husband and I are both elated that I'll get monthly ultrasounds because we're first time parents and are awestruck by the sight of our little creature. I'm sure it's also useful from a doctor's perspective and welcome the thorough approach. Dr. De Souza has been a great OB choice for me so far. Anyway, if we accidentally see the family jewels during a monthly ultrasound it won't be the end of the world. I was just curious if others had any experience with preserving the surprise despite having frequent u/s's. Sounds like some have had better luck than others. Thanks for the replies! |
Anonymous
Ha ha, OP here. I hear you! My boss's wife, who finished having kids 20 some years ago, said that she told her doctor and the tech that she didn't want to know, but the tech said "guess what I see!!!!!!!!" when she was in getting the ultrasound. Oops! |
Anonymous
| OP, if it's a boy, then it's going to be obvious towards the 7th month (and sooner depending on whether your doctor is getting the right angle). So don't look at that point if you are certain that you want to be surprised. |
Anonymous
Fwiw, we found out the second time around bc we realized the first time that the day of the birth was so exciting/surreal/the happiest day of our lives that the gender was a complete afterthought. We kind of wished we had just found out months earlier, when it was the only little piece of info to get. Also, listening to people guess what it is based on your body shape gets so old that you will want to tell them it's one or the other to shut them up 
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Anonymous
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First, I don't think monthy sonos are excessive -- I found them reassuring. I used Dr. Footer, another solo practitioner with a similar philosophy who partners w/DeSouza for on-call coverage. DeSouza ended up delivering my second child and I really liked him.
Yes, I do think you will need to remind the tech each time that you don't want to know the gender (don't expect them to remember your preferences) and I do think you may need to avert your eyes or at least tell the tech to warn you when not to look. I did not find out gender with any of my 3 kids and had many, many ultrasounds. By the end of the pregnancy, you get reasonably good at indentifying body parts. Good luck! |
Anonymous
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OP - I would have LOVED monthly ultrasounds. I had a lot - and at a special center - but not monthly. You are lucky!
I am wondering - if that is standard for them, they are probably very used to figuring out how to keep things mum. |
Anonymous
| I thought there had been some recommendations that it was not a good idea to get unneccessary ultrasounds? I could have sworn this came out when they started all of the 3D imaging and people were rushing off to get lots of ultrasounds. I could be mistaken, but I really thought they suggested you didn't get lots unless it was medically necessary. |
Anonymous
| Agree that you should ask the tech when you should avert your eyes. But don't think that you have figured it out on your own. You will swear you say "something" and drive yourself crazy. It is very hard to tell, particularly with the first. And don't read into things the tech says -- again, you will drive yourself overanalyzing things she/he says! |
Anonymous
Geez- all she asked was if she would be able to see the gender by mistake. I'm sure her doctor is quite aware of all of the newest medical research on the practices that he is employing. |
Anonymous
| We had our first child in Korea where monthly ultrasounds are standard but did not find out the gender before birth. It's actually against the law there for people to be told due to the strong cultural preference for boys. For our second child due next month we have simply told the tech each time that we do not want to know. The tech doesn't tell us or put it on the chart so not even our doctors know. Waiting is so wonderful! |
Anonymous
My first thoughts when reading the OP's post was also "what's going on with the monthly ultrasounds???". I also thought it excessive. I don't know if it is necessarily dangerous, and I can imagine why people would be thrilled to get them - especially first time moms, but I have to pipe in about the need for them. Why waste limited health resources on such things that are completely unnecessary?? Seems like a total scam to me b/c I know for a fact that most (if not all) insurance companies will not pay for them so either the doctor is scamming his patients b/c they are paying for such unnecessary things out-of-pocket as a way to help the doctor make $$$ OR it is health insurance fraud b/c the doctor has to say these are medically necessary. I just don't get why people think health care resources are unlimited... |