Six weeks post-partum--is it normal to feel this physically and mentally anxious and tired?

[Anonymous]

I would appreciate thoughts and guidance from other moms about how they felt at this stage, and what they did to address it. I'm not able to fall back asleep after night feedings, or nap that much during the day, so the exhaustion is getting worse and my whole body is sore, like from working out too hard (which, maybe I did this week!). I've hired night nurses, and my husband has graciously taken the night shifts to allow me to rest, but I sleep so lightly and hear the baby's cries that I'm not really sleeping more than a couple of hours at a time, if that. On top of that, I'm still about 35 lbs overweight, and feel and look (I think) gross. I have a hard time enjoying dinner out or other outings when the baby is there, because I'm anxious that she'll start crying, or that I will have to struggle my way to the bathroom with her to change her--all of this makes it really hard to relax. Does this subside?

[Anonymous]

It does get better. If you can, sleep in a guest room or on the couch if you have enough help to handle an overnight. At this stage, don't worry about baby crying if you are out to dinner providing you are dining someplace that is even mildly child friendly. If you have a six week old in a baby carrier, most people are pretty understanding if your baby is fussy or if you have to go change them. If baby is inconsolable and howling with nothing soothing him/her, time for a walk outside. Every parent has been there and done that. Also, take turns with your husband/partner for restaurant changes. Having a vagina does not make you a superior diaper changer.

Lastly, remember. Everyone is super nice to you when you are pregnant and when you have a little baby. When people start being nasty to you and giving your kid dirty looks, you are the proud parent of a toddler. In my opinion toddlerhood is the best time to keep out of the public eye

[Anonymous]

i'm almost 10 weeks postpartum and i hear ya, sister. though in my case, i'm doing it alone so i'm the one alone with my infant 6 nights out of 7. if she's awake, i'm awake. if she's asleep... i might still be awake because babies are loud sleepers. this last week i was at my parent's house for xmas and they would take her in the morning so i could sleep. but i could still hear her crying anywhere in the house. so i can sympathize.

in your case, since you have people to help out at night, i'd recommend the combination of earplugs and a fan for white noise. i used that combination to block out the sounds of my old beach house. (i.e. a whole bunch of drunks coming home, partying and snoring.) that should take care of the physical aspect. You still may wake up - you may psychologically feel like you should be the one taking care of your baby. i can't help with that.

once you start sleeping a bit more, you might feel better. then you can make sure your diet is good and you're getting some exercise. if you don't feel better with more sleep, there's probably more going on and you might want to talk to your doctor about PPD.

My daughter and I have good days and bad days (and good weeks and bad weeks) but i take her out all of the time and the only time she's misbehaved in public was at church, of all places. I always have the diaper bag packed with everything we *might* need (blanket, burp rag, extra formula, diapers, wipes, changing mat, extra outfit, toys, anti-gas meds) so I don't see changing her as that big of a deal, even if it's on the floor of a bathroom stall. (yuck.) And if she cries, i pick her up from her seat, soothe her and maybe walk her somewhere if she doesn't stop. it helps to pick your battles - get to know her fussy times or situations that are likely to set her off, and avoid them. Do any shopping or errands RIGHT after she's eaten, if you can - that usually buys you an hour or two of calm. And the other poster was right - when you have a tiny baby, people are pretty forgiving of their cries unless it's in the middle of a movie or wedding or something. (in which case you should be seated on the aisle at the back and take him/her out promptly.)

good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, just hold on and it will come. TRY to accept the help and rest. If you are feeling this anxious and exhausted in another couple of weeks, please speak to your dr. You may need some temporary meds to help you sleep, but exercise and a good diet will go a long way. Do what you can and no more!

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

yes, it is normal

[Anonymous]

Totally normal.

The thing that helped me the most (physically and mentally) after the birth of my first was to get out every day on long walks. The baby alwasy slept well in the stroller and I got out and was able to exercise a little (speed walking). It helped me lose the weight pretty quickly as well (and I gained over 50 lbs with my first).

Other than that, it just takes time.

[Anonymous]

Totally normal. Just give up on clarity of thought for the first three months, or until the baby sleeps through the night. It's amazing what you can endure. I went for almost a year without more than two consecutive hours of sleep with my DD, who woke up every two hours to nurse; of course I could not go back to sleep half of the time. It will pass. Enjoy your baby now. They turn into toddlers before you know it.

[Anonymous]

Yes - I was just like you - and yes, it gets better with time.

If you have a night nurse or daddy's on duty, go sleep as far away from the baby as possible. Seriously! Sometimes I would go sleep on the couch with ear plugs while my husband listened for her -- he would come wake me if she really needed to nurse, but the little sniffles and snorts and frets that would keep me up, wide-eyed, all night... he could just sleep through those, and I could get some blessed rest.

It helped me, too, to be around other new mothers. Very soothing. Look for a group you can join. PACE Moms (http://www.pacemoms.org/) is a GREAT one; I have heard such good things about it. Your local MOMS Club (for SAHMs) is another, or you could search for your geographic area on yahoogroups or meetup -- or ask on DCUM, of course!

Also, much love to the 20:31 poster, but my baby is 2.5 now and I don't miss the infant stage AT ALL, and I wanted to scream when people told me to "enjoy my baby, it goes by so fast." It could not go by fast enough for me... I just wanted that newborn stage OVER with. But life got much, much better, after a few months! Now I definitely get the "enjoy it, it goes fast" thing!