Aspie obsessions advice
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Anonymous
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Hi. My adolescent DS with Aspergers characteristically becomes obsessed with various topics. He loves trains and has become very excited about an upcoming trip to a metropolitan area with a big transit system. He is thinking and talking about it nonstop, making trip plans, etc. In addition to it being maddening to adults in his life, of greater concern is that this perseverating and going on and on hurts him socially.
I have read that an Aspie's obsession shouldn't necessarily be squashed as it could lead them to a productive career later in life (depending on what it is of course). So I could use some advice on how to handle this. I don't want him to [continue to] hurt himself socially, I don't want to keep hearing about his plans, and I don't want him thinking about it all the time. I also don't want to insult him and make him feel bad about himself, or denigrate what could potentially be productive for him later. I appreciate any advice or color anyone can provide. Thank you!! |
Anonymous
| Explain to him that not everyone is interested in that topic. He can ask someone if they would like to talk about it and then can do so for 10 minutes then must change the topic, maybe ask the other person what they would like to talk about next. As far as with you, tell him you will talk to him about trains for 20 minutes before bed, in the car after school, or during breakfast....other wise he cannot bring it up. Just keep reminding him about the "deal" he made with you. (the striking a "deal" works well with my son and gives me something to say other than "please dear god stop it") |
Anonymous
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I'm not sure why this is a problem for you. It's annoying but I haven't found Aspie obsessions any more annoying than people who constantly talk about baseball, football, their work, etc or any other stuff I have zero interest in.
Since this is for a trip, let him enjoy the planning and excitement for something he is looking forward too. If you don't want to hear about it, set a limit - he is only allowed five mentions to you everyday. |
Anonymous
 I know this one.
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Anonymous
You have clearly not seen what it can do to a child (or adult) socially. Its is a problem and i think OP expresses the tension admirably. Five mentions seems pretty extreme. You could try a "only in the house" rule. Did you know there's such a thing as train camp? I believe its in Scranton, PA, and well populated by kids with AS. |
Anonymous
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I always feel bad when I tell DS to stop talking about / repeating his obsession for the thousandth time. One thing that works (sometimes) is to listen intently, even just for a few minutes to what DS is saying and ask some interested questions and have a little conversation, then thank him for sharing that information (I always learn something new!), and let him know that you have to get back to X, but you enjoyed your conversation. DS is always so proud to share what he knows. Acknowledging his interests seems to give him some satsifaction to stave off repeating things over and over.
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Anonymous
Actually, I have. They have to "get it out" so better me or other family members than peers who will react negatively. DS has peers who share his obsession so it works out. Better them than me. But if no one is around, I've learned to show interest within limits like with obsessive sports fans. I agree. It's painful. |
Anonymous
| Op, your kid sounds like mine, only he's 5 and his obsession is airplanes. Have you tried using a token system with him? |
Anonymous
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OP,
A social skills group might help. We had a friend who's elementary aged kid had an obsession, and he would launch into the topic with anyone and everyone pretty much non-stop. It did hurt him socially. He did a social skills class, and he learned to ask someone if they wanted to hear about the topic. They were working on the give and take of conversation, e.g., listening to the other person's interest. You may want to consider behavioral therapy to help him not perseverate on a topic, rewarding him when he's able to have more back and forth conversations. I'd also consider him joining an hobby group for things that he's interested in so there's an appropriate outlet too. |
Anonymous
| OP here. Thanks very much for the suggestions! |
Anonymous
You don't live with my kid. He will talk about his particular interest for hours without a break. He will talk at me through a bathroom door. He can't shut up. No one can take it. Even if you share his interests, you can't take it. |
Anonymous
| PP, I think the incessant talking is a form of anxiety. I often hear from DS "I like X... X is great.. did you know about X... what do you think about X? Let me tell you about X...." There must be some psychological way to address this, like how they would approach defusing OCD. |
Anonymous
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Not all kids with AS talk incessantly. Mine does not nor DH who qualifies for a diagnosis. In fact, I would love it if DH would talk more.
So I don't mind the obsessions that much... I just remind myself that at least there are no issues with joint attention. DS always wants to "share"... And will be "sharing" while we're cooped up due to snow. I'm going to have to arrange some play dates for our sanity. |
Anonymous
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For my Aspie, talking about his special interests helps keep him calm. Yes, it is typically annoying. Nothing like being on a cruise ship listening to him try to explain to others why the Titanic sank (they didn't find it calming).
I try to use his special interest to practice other skills. So we go to the library so he can learn how to do research. We practice reading, which he normally hates but can tolerate if it's about ships or aircraft. We do math problems designed around the interests- if there are XXX people on the ship and each lifeboat holds 50 people, how many lifeboats do you need? For him, it is anxiety and right now, we try whatever works. Good luck OP. Have you tried having him keep a journal of his trip plans? Maybe make a before and after scrapbook. |
Anonymous
| Perhaps you can direct him toward special projects with his interest. I knew a kid who was obsessed with girls gymnastics and would make excel charts with all the scores of various meets. You could introduce him into journaling, or drawing maps of the subway systems, or things like that. I hate to tell you but even if talking about trains is reduced, your child may still have social difficulties. The problem is not just talking about an obsession, it is not knowing how to initiate a conversation, how to take an interest in someone else's interest, maintain reciprocal flow, make small talk, etc. Talking about a topic probably reduces anxiety. Another approach related to a recommendaiton above is to limit how many things he says, for example, say 3-5 things about trains to our dinner guests and after that, only if they ask you about trains. Or you could make it 10 to make it easier. Many adolescents clam up in adolescence and that is even more frustrating for adults to be around, so the positive side is that your son is wanting to engage with adults and that makes it easier for them to converse with him too. |