Who do I talk to or what do I do regarding a weird relative?

[Anonymous]

A cousin of mine who has been a drug addict and a dealer for a large part of his life has been started calling me up (to ask for money but also on the pretense of other things). He also sounds a bit loopy and also angry. He has also started calling various people from my husband's family (some of them elderly and have no clue who he is). What can I do? Who can I talk to to protect my DH's family but also my own? Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I'd start bygetting a hold of his phone and deleting all the phone numbers. sorry I don't have much other advice, bit I'm sure you'll get good advice Herr. but seriously, if find a way to delete the phone numbers.

[Anonymous]

Why do you need to do anything?

[Anonymous]

Don't answer the phone.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you can block his number from the relative's phones?

[Anonymous]

How about not answering his calls? Or is this another ginned up drama created by The Gift of Fear?

[Anonymous]

Yes, don't answer his calls. Don't return calls if he leaves a voicemail. He'll move on to the next potential host once he realizes he's getting nothing from you.

Conversely, if you "waste his time" and he's hopeful then later he realizes you "wasted his time" then he'll be mad.

[Anonymous]

He is an addict who is trying to take advantage of you and cannot be trusted. He would probably be very different if he stopped using, but that doesn't seem to be the case.
No contact - do not answer your phone when he calls, do not open the door. If he harasses you, call the police. Instruct family members to do the same.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I cannot block his number since very often he calls from numbers I don't even recognize. I am a bit scared of him to be honest. Never read the gift of fear but it sounds like it would make me even more paranoid!

[Anonymous]

Get your number changed to unlisted.

[Anonymous]

Are his parents in the picture? Can you have your parents talk to them and maybe they can tell him to stop calling you? Does he have siblings?

Keep it super short when he calls and just rush off the phone. Tell DHs family who he is and that they should just say "I'm sorry, but I have to hang up now." How does he have their phone numbers, anyway?

[Anonymous]

Call his mother, father, sisters, brothers, whatever and say you are calling to warn them and you're afraid him. That should stop the calls.

[Anonymous]

Either don't answer any calls the first time, which is not great since you'll miss calls you might actually want, or get caller ID if you don't already have it, so you can screen calls and not answer ones from unknown numbers.

The situation is much harder in the case of the elderly relatives who don't even know him but whom he's calling. I've found that older folks very often feel they must answer a ringing phone -- their feeling is, "What if it's my son or daughter calling about an emergency, what if it's my neighbor needing help," etc. and it can be hard to convince them otherwise. (This is why phone scams prey on the elderly a lot.)

Your husband can certainly contact (or better yet, see in person if possible) these elderly relatives to explain that for at least a time they should let calls go to voice mail, but that may be a tough sell. If you can afford it, and if you're genuinely worried that he might come to someone's home if they don't answer etc., you can offer to purchase caller ID for these relatives at least for a few months or a year, and be certain they know how to use it and will do so.

I feel for you. Others are being a bit dismissive of your post, I think. Clearly you have some real reasons to be concerned if this guy has been not just a user but also a dealer "for a large part of his life"; even a petty dealer could be in debt to much shadier people, hence his new and sneaky requests for money. I don't think, though, that the police are going to get involved over phone calls and will just tell you to screen calls, warn the relatives, and help them screen calls if they are not used to doing so.

Update us here.

[Anonymous]

PP, That is an interesting point you made about preying on the elderly because they ALWAYS feel they MUST answer the phone. It is true!

NP here.