WHen communication breaks down w/ ex

[Anonymous]

What happens when parent doesnt respond to emails regarding the return of child, inquiring about health status of a "sickness"?
When someone is late but only because time changed and the other one wasnt communicating exact time? I go to pick up child and got a call 20 min earlier than the week before. Answering Parent "I'm almost there" Parent Calling/waiting "You made me miss my train you fucking asshole"

Last email had a lot of stuff that didn't pertain to my child and question about sickness turned into well we kept xxx to save on childcare.

I'm annoyed but expect this and feel sad that he has these issues. I say absolutely nothing but things regarding our child in all email communications and have nothing but at most a sentence if that at the exchange points.

Is there a middle man that can be brought in to handle communication.

I'm also concerned because my kid (under 6) said to me last week " if you make me cry my (other parent) will cut your head off"

Not sure if it makes a difference but im primary custodial parent

[Anonymous]

I have a very difficult ex. After getting a guardian ad liteum appointed for my child, she connected us with a great coparenting counselor who referees any conflict at our request. Money very well spent. Good luck, I'm sure it is not easy to deal with.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand your stories very well, so communication is definitely not your forte OP.

You only communicate in writing. You document everything and you stay cordial. No dropping the f bomb!!

[Anonymous]

No its not, but to communicate with this person it entails me to say "What time will you be here?" or "Kid is sick, fever , vomiting?" The other person never answers the phone and I have never chit chatted I have no interest in anything but coordinating the kids whereabouts.

Then maybe I get random stuff about why Im giving up some of my weekends because I work 3 jobs and go to school while having a couple kids in my primary care 80% of the time. The other person believes I am partying because that is what the first spouse supposedly did. This other person is one that would put an offer on a house BEFORE SECURING A LOAN because they believe for certain they would get a loan.

The other person never responds with an answer. I've reminded every other month that emails are for xxxx transitions, well-being , school etc and not for complaining ranting name calling etc. I have NEVER used profanity. The kid has picked up tons of profanity and knows how to use it in the proper context. The kid is finally able to discriminate these words but it is really sad. I wish I had the opportunity to tell the background investigator the other parent drinks like a case a beer a night.

i will look into the mediator, thank you for helpful

[Anonymous]

OP your writing style is incredibly passive and difficult to read.

All of the things you complain about aren't issues you can control about your ex.

Are you negotiating custody?

One tip, if your ex won't take your child on a night you need to work then you pay for childcare and that's something that goes in the support calculator.

[Anonymous]

I can barely understand anything that you are saying.

[Anonymous]

Look OP does not have great facility with writing. Perhaps English is not the first language. Even if it is, some folks don't necessarily express themselves well when they are experiencing emotional turmoil.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look OP does not have great facility with writing. Perhaps English is not the first language. Even if it is, some folks don't necessarily express themselves well when they are experiencing emotional turmoil.

Which is fine, but when someone asks for advice and people can't understand what they are saying, I think it is fine to point it out. I'm a little confused by the first post, but if you were the parent calling/waiting I think it is important not to swear or call names. It really hinders positive communication. If you were the parent picking up, it sounds like your ex did try to get a hold of you but neither of you could figure out an exact time. That falls on both your shoulders. If he's not being clear, you have to push the issue for clarification.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like something that Happy Parents Happy Babies therapist Emily Griffin can help with. She gives free consults and I know someone who found her really helpful. She'll come to your house to meet with you and the ex if he's willing (probably better to meet him separately?).
GOod luck!

[Anonymous]

I have a lot of these issues with my ex. I agree with poster about document and don't rise to the bait. I also agree that a co-parenting therapist might help--but only if ex is willing to go. My ex went three times (missed two appointments and kept me waiting 20 minutes and then 40 minutes.) It obviously didn't work out so well in our case.

I think it's important to realize different people deal with things differently. His way is not your way, and obviously infuriates you (which I'm sure contributed to your divorce), but you have to try to remember that he's in pain or anger and not handling this well (and frankly if he were, your marriage might not have ended) and nothing you do change his behavior. The best book on this subject (for me) was JOINT CUSTODY WITH A JERK.