How did you manage your emotions? Lumpectomy, radiation, hormone therapy -- head is swimming

[Anonymous]

Hi, all.

I recently got a diagnosis of early-stage breast cancer. I just got my surgery date confirmed for a lumpectomy. I have a long road ahead of me, and I'm emotionally pretty down. I know that I should appreciate the fact that we caught it early and it looks like I'll be just fine.

I have two young sons, who are my world, and all I can think about is whether this thing will come back -- worse -- and rob me of the chance to see my boys grow into adults or see my grandchildren one day.

And as much as I try to fight my vanity, I worry about what I will look like when all the treatment is done. Will I even feel desirable?

My husband has been solid, but I feel bad that he is unable to cheer me up. I've only told three super close friends, in addition to my family, so I'm keeping it pretty close.

I'm looking for any advice, resources, words of encouragement, from people who have been there, either as a patient or as a partner.

Thanks, everyone.

[Anonymous]

Good luck OP. My cousin had a very aggressive form of breast cancer that was diagnosed when she was 30. She had a mastectomy and chemo/radiation and she is almost to the 5 year remission point. She had to freeze embryos with her husband as they both wanted children and they were not sure if she would be able to have any after going through all of the radiation and chemo. But she is now pregnant with her second son and all has ended better than anyone could have hoped for. I wish the same for you OP!

[Anonymous]

A good friend had breast cancer 2x. The first time she did chemo and radiation and the second round she went ahead and had a double masectomy. She has four children - the first time she had BC, the youngest was just a year old and the 2nd time the youngest was in pre-K. She opted for the double M and it seems to make her happy. she has joked that she is finally a C cup - she would never have done plastic surgery, but well, as long as she had them removed, why not improve!

anyway, just as an FYI, I remember her comment that the breast reconstruction was very painful - moreso than the masectomy. You will need your husband's help for everything, even putting on clothes as your movements will be very restricted.

Goo luck with whatever you decide. I am sending prayers your way.

[Anonymous]

My mom has had breast cancer twice, once in 2002 and once in 2013. The first time, she did two surgeries (one lumpectomy and one follow-up to remove lymph nodes), a round of chemo and a round of radiation. She was cancer-free until 2013 when a mammogram turned up cancerous again. She decided, rather than have another lumpectomy, to have a full mastectomy (with reconstruction but no implants) and they had to remove more lymph nodes than before. This more recent surgery was scarier, in that she was bleeding too much afterwards and had to go in for a second surgery literally in the middle of the night to re-close incisions and such. After the surgery, she did another round of chemo this past summer and her doctors recommended radiation but with no evidence of more cancer she doesn't want to and the doctors say she doesn't have to. Her most recent scan is cancer-free, but she now has to wear a compression sleeve to avoid lymphoma because they took so many lymph nodes.

My best advice is to stay strong and fall back on your family and friends. It's hard on them, too, especially your kids, though I hope they are still too young to fully understand. I was in 6th grade when my mom was first diagnosed and in my senior year of college last year when she was diagnosed again. Good luck. Thoughts and prayers to you.

[Anonymous]

Hugs OP!! I was diagnosed last August. A teeny tiny super aggressive tumor. I had a bilateral mastectomy and chemo. Just finished chemo. I know how scared you are, and all I can say is it is normal. Right now you feel horrible, but it will get better. They can do amazing things with boobs these days. Try to think positive I know how hard that is, but just hold your kids, play with them and spend as much time as you can just doing the things you enjoy. If you are feeling a lot of anxiety or depression you might ask your Dr. if there is anything they can give you to lessen it.

[Anonymous]

Get some help OP. See a therapist. When I had breast cancer (chemo, radiation, tamoxifen, arimidex) I waited too long and really suffered. There is no reason to put up with the suffering.

BTW, I participated in a support group and it made me feel worse because it just seemed to encourage whining. Others may feel differently.

I'm coming up on my ten year anniversary of being diagnosed. There is life after breast cancer.

[Anonymous]

OP, I highly suggest joining a support group for women going through breast cancer treatment. Also, meds can get us through high stress situations. If you are anxious all the time and having trouble functioning you may want to consider a regular anti-anxiety drug. If you just have the occasional freak out, ask about xanex.

Hope it all goes smoothly OP!!

[Anonymous]

One more thing...the vanity issue is a totally normal concern. All I can say is Angelina Jolie still looks smokin' hot. I've know a few people IRL who have gotten the surgery and I didn't know until they told me.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, 2 years ago I was in the middle of chemo for BC. I ended up having a mastectomy and radiation, and I'm taking tamoxifen. I feel great. But it's taken a while.

I thought the stage you're at now - pre-treatment, having tests done, making a plan - was the most difficult psychologically. You're still wrapping your brain around the fact you have CANCER (a big, scary word), plus there's all this uncertainty about what's ahead. But once I started on treatment, I felt better psychologically. I'd never taken meds before, but they gave me a prescription for ativan to help me sleep. Don't be shy about asking for support.

You will eventually get to the day where you don't think about cancer even once. It just takes a little time. Best wishes to you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I thought the stage you're at now - pre-treatment, having tests done, making a plan - was the most difficult psychologically. You're still wrapping your brain around the fact you have CANCER (a big, scary word), plus there's all this uncertainty about what's ahead. But once I started on treatment, I felt better psychologically. I'd never taken meds before, but they gave me a prescription for ativan to help me sleep. Don't be shy about asking for support.

!

This was also true for me--the first few weeks were the hardest. I am just about 5 months post-diagnosis, about to finish chemo (hallelujah!) with surgery and radiation to follow. I have three young children and a full time job. Now I also have the additional full time job of cancer patient, and that's how I view it. It's a lot, but I accomplish my treatment tasks (which are hard), as a means to an end--getting well. It's worth it. I don't spend much time feeling sorry for myself. I don't think "why me?". I think "why not me?" it happens to people every day. I am strong, and I can do this. I bet you can look around and within your circles you can find many women who have or are going through breast cancer. And the vast, vast majority go on to live healthy lives. Yes, I will be changed, but overall I will be stronger for going through this. You can do it.

Tell people who can support you about your diagnosis. I think the best thing about cancer is that you really get a lot of kindness extended toward you, sometimes from unexpected places. People want to help, and if you can think of ways they can (child care, a meal, cleaning your house, doing an errand), tell them!

[Anonymous]

I am an almost 5 yr stage 2 cancer survivor. I was diagnosed under age 40 and had surgery, chemo, and radiation. I also had a year of intravenous treatment (hercepton) for my aggressive cancer. I am now on tamoxifen. Sooooo, I hear ya. The emotional aspect is the most difficult part of this whole crappy process of treatment and survivorship in general. The only saving grace for me was dc who was age 1 at the time of my diagnosis. I just threw myself into loving him. It was the only thing that kept me from sinking into a state of depression. I faked happiness many times. Just faking it helped me be strong for real as weird as it sounds. I also benefited from attending a support group during treatment. I joined a support group for young women in fairfax (life with cancer center). It helped a lot to be around other women who were going thru the same thing as me. At the time I felt like I could not relate to any of my friends or fellow moms. Their problems were so normal. I was living in a totally different world. I am also a person who benefits a lot from exercise and lots of sleep. I wish you all the best op. you can get through this. Sorry for any typos.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all these wonderful stories. You ladies are amazing.