Did you experience conflicting feelings after getting a bfp?

[Anonymous]

Or only total elation? Newly pregnant after a three year struggle with secondary IF. One surgery and three cycles later I'm finally pregnant. Yet I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. And I keep thinking about how hard those first six months were. DC1 is now almost 5 and if this last cycle didn't work we were done. In fact, I wasn't really hopeful at all since everything we tried failed and so now I feel kind of shell-shocked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or only total elation? Newly pregnant after a three year struggle with secondary IF. One surgery and three cycles later I'm finally pregnant. Yet I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. And I keep thinking about how hard those first six months were. DC1 is now almost 5 and if this last cycle didn't work we were done. In fact, I wasn't really hopeful at all since everything we tried failed and so now I feel kind of shell-shocked.

I don't know that I would describe it as conflicted feelings, but I was overly cautious after a surgery, a couple procedures and numerous cycles over several years. I didn't tell anyone for many months and, frankly, didn't feel totally at ease until after giving birth.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think what you're feeling is pretty normal. My journey was a little different than yours but it was long and filled with disappointments. When I finally did get pregnant I didn't feel joy and elation so much as cautious hope and some relief.

When we hit the second trimester I started to relax, when I hit 24 weeks I relaxed a little more, when I hit 28/30/32 etc... I really started to believe and when we brought healthy twins home I finally exhaled. And then all the real work started and that wasn't full of joy and elation either!

Don't hold yourself to any idea of what you think you should feel. Just take things as they come.

Congratulations! I hope you have an easy, relaxed, healthy pregnancy and baby.

[Anonymous]

So normal!!!! I got pg with ds after 2.5yrs of trying. I remember having cramping at 6w and "knowing" it was over. But nope, it was my newly pregnant self reacting (badly) to dinner that night. Then I had spotting at 18w, and I swear I think I felt something like relief, because it meant the moment I had been dreading and expecting was finally here. After all our struggles, I was convinced it couldn't possibly end well for us. But I was wrong, everything went fine, and we've got an almost 4 yo DS and his 18 month old sister.

Anyway, what you're experiencing is totally normal. Do your best to "go with the flow" and be kind to yourself. I wish you a happy and healthy 9 months!!

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't feel elation until, well, maybe not ever! Having been through infertility, pregnancy and five years of parenting, you know that nothing is easy and the worrying never really goes away. However, you've shown that you are able to modify your expectations and adapt, so I'm sure you'll be more comfortable when the new reality sinks in.

Best of luck and congratulations!

[Anonymous]

Yes to this: Yet I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I spent the entire 1st trimester waiting for the other shoe to drop. My positive pregnancy test actually elicited terror, not joy. Nothing changed quickly, but as the pregnancy has progressed I feel more and more at ease with each passing week. Hang in there, and don't beat yourself up for not feeling the cookie cutter emotions. IF and pregnancy can be a bumpy emotional road. Take care of yourself and good luck!

[Anonymous]

Yes, totally. Someone on my Resolve board said "IF has robbed me of the ability to get excited about my pregnancy and live in the moment and enjoy it." That resonated with me. A friend with IF told me it wasn't "real" to her until the 20w scan - so I am waiting for that and hope I get excited then.

[Anonymous]

Yes, if by conflicting you mean a constant mash up of joy, relief, terror, the sobering knowledge of what can go wrong (because it has), hope that I'm finally going to have it easy, fear that something else bad is bound to happen, and a million questions and worries going through my head at once. I'm trying very hard to be in the moment and have faith, on the theory that those are pretty much the only two things I can control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, if by conflicting you mean a constant mash up of joy, relief, terror, the sobering knowledge of what can go wrong (because it has), hope that I'm finally going to have it easy, fear that something else bad is bound to happen, and a million questions and worries going through my head at once. I'm trying very hard to be in the moment and have faith, on the theory that those are pretty much the only two things I can control.

+ 1,000!

[Anonymous]

Yes, I think it's totally normal to have heightened anxiety about your pregnancy after struggling with IF. During my first trimester, I barely felt pregnant since I was so sure i would lose it again. By second trimester, I just kept assuming I would have a complicated pregnancy (i.e. preterm or pre-e etc). And I used to joke about how I wouldn't really accept that this kid was real until she graduated high school, at least.

But it got easier as the pregnancy progressed. And believe it or not, now that she's here some of that worry feels like a distant memory (though the scars of IF remain in other ways).

[Anonymous]

DD is now 14 months. It took me 3.5 years of trying. I still wake up in a sweat sometimes in the middle of the night thinking about how badly I want a baby. And then I come to my senses and realize I have one and how lucky I am.

[Anonymous]

We were only going to try one time for a sibling too. I had convinced myself this cycle hadn't worked. Yet HPT this morning said it did. I'm totally freaked out as I had already been selling myself on a family of 3. And I feel like a jerk for not being totally elated with the BFP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes to this: Yet I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I spent the entire 1st trimester waiting for the other shoe to drop. My positive pregnancy test actually elicited terror, not joy. Nothing changed quickly, but as the pregnancy has progressed I feel more and more at ease with each passing week. Hang in there, and don't beat yourself up for not feeling the cookie cutter emotions. IF and pregnancy can be a bumpy emotional road. Take care of yourself and good luck!

EXACTLY - I was about to write the same thing. I feel sad that I was not able to enjoy it as much as my baby deserved. But, it was just too scary.

[Anonymous]

I was thrilled and simultaneously terrified of losing the pregnancy and of having twins (twins were not in the game plan - puposely only transferred one embryo - and we ended up with identical twins). So yes, enormously conflicted and not the overwhelming sense of joy that I would have expected. That changed, though. Once we got to the second trimester I felt like I could embrace my pregnancy. I also realized that DH and I were equipped to handle twins even though it would be a different road than with a singleton (we already had a DS). Now six months old, our twins are a true blessing. A ton if work and definitely tough going at times (two really colicky babies). It's often complete chaos in our home but would not have it any other way.

[Anonymous]

Pregnancy after infertility is a complete mindf**k. It's hard to celebrate because for many of us we're terrified of losing the pregnancy we struggled to achieve.

You never stop worrying about the pregnancy - or at least I didn't - and the anxiety was unbearable at times.

RESOLVE has links to support groups for women who are pregnant after infertility - or at least they did. Highly recommend connecting with these groups.