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Parenting -- Special Concerns
Sharing your kids during the Holidays
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Anonymous
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I have to admit, this is the first time that I will not have my children on Christmas. I have two boys, my oldest is 7 and my youngest will be 3 the day after Christmas.
My ex-husband picked the children up this morning and will be staying about 3 hours away through Sunday. In conjunction with missing Christmas Eve & Christmas Morning with my children, I will also be missing my youngest sons birthday. Even though we (my family) plans to celebrate when the children come back home, I am so heart broken. I feel so selfish when I say this but I don't want to share anything anymore with that worthless SOB. Is that normal? I'm crushed, but I know that I am doing the right thing. Is anyone else out there experiancing anything similar this holiday? If so, how are you coping? |
Anonymous
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You are doing the right thing for your children. They deserve to know they have a father who loves them. Hang in
there. |
Anonymous
| Try to think of yourself as lucky to have an ex who care. My biggest fear is my ex is going to completely abandon our two daughters. I'm already dreading the daddy issues/never felt loved by a man/early promiscuity that will probably result! |
Anonymous
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OP, one other thing that I would suggest going forward, is to not get hung up on the actual day of the holiday being the day you celebrate with your kids. On years he gets the kids, open your packages the day before he picks up the kids. On the years he gets them for T-giving, have your dinner the day before they go to Dad's.
I hear you on hating to share, and hating your ex-SOB husband. I feel the same way, but it does get better over time too. You hate your ex less and they become less of an irritant in your life, therefore you stop seeing this as a "win" for him and a "loss" for you, if that makes sense. It's important to celebrate the time together. The date on the calendar isn't nearly as important, so plan ahead and pick your own Christmas day or Thanksgiving Day. Take them out of school a day early if you need to. Big hugs.. I put my son on a plane alone yesterday, and had two younger sibs crying while I tried to keep my chin up for them - - it SUCKS! But I know DS is having a good visit with his dad, and this year, I even let him have the entire Christmas holiday with our son. Not b/c I was feeling generous toward my ex, but because I knew my son would benefit from the time with his dad. Sad for me, but I'm happy for my son. And I get to be with him 44 weeks out of the year... Try to stay busy and have fun with friends and family until they get home Sunday. Anything that you needed to do (pampering, errands, painting a room, etc) try to get those things done to keep yourself occupied and also kill two birds with one stone. |
Anonymous
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It's totally normal to feel this way in the beginning (not that you would get used to it, but you would adjust in due time). I felt the exact same way at first when we split up and I didn't feel he had even the ability to take cake of DD.
You have to do it for the child. I see how my DD's face lights up when she sees her dad. I can never take that away from her. That would be totally selfish. I agree with the other poster...at least you have a man who is dedicated to spending time with his children. There are so many deadbeats or lazy guys out there, and sometimes we women may even run a potentially good father off, if we want to take control of the child custody. You have to remember, your DC had NOTHING to do with the split up. If you have family in the area, use this time to make "rounds" and visit folks. If you can't be with family, try and plan something with friends and/or with their family. It'll be okay. Just know you are not the only one going through this. Have a Happy Holiday. |
Anonymous
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OP, not like we single moms are rolling in dough or anything.... but it would be great if you could go on a trip at this time of year, when you don't have your kids. Get a change of scene instead of being home with the tree and an empty house.
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Anonymous
| Hi there. My son's not with me this year either. I have a Christmas date with another joint custody mama friend of mine. You'll get through this. I promise. |
Anonymous
| my STBXH decided to stop seeing our DD before thanksgiving....missed her bday, thanksgiving & now christmas. sad for my DD...........so it is hard but some things are worse. |
Anonymous
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that sucks! i'm sorry. hang in there! (did it go ok?)
i like my baby's father as a person and think he is a great father, but i am dreading the day he wants to take her to *his* house for christmas. i'll happily let him have her ANY other holiday, but i do not want my child away from me on Christmas! (She's only 2 months old now; maybe when she's older I'll enjoy having a few days away from her, but not now!) |
Anonymous
Did you sign your separation agreement yet? Maybe you can work that in there... you get Christmas, he gets something else... |
Anonymous
| I'm sorry, I'm the selfish one...i feel bad after reading all the posts. We dont have an official agreement and so I said no and kept her home Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. He's local and wanted to take her from 8pm to 12 midnight on Christmas Eve to his parents home. I said no because what 5 year old is up til Midnight on Christmas Eve? When is Santa supposed to arrive then? Since I said no to Christmas Eve, he said, "He didn't "Need" her onChristmas Day"...then later he called and wanted to see her and I told him, "No...I "need" her, so she is staying where she is "needed". I guess I also had an attitude because Her father bought her nothing for Christmas or her Birthday which is in December. Fussed at me about his contribution to her birthday party (only $300) and complained about her "Big" gift for Christmas...the Pink Barbie Escalade. What gives? |
Anonymous
THe motorized one? For $400? To me, that's an insane amount to spend on a 5 year old... |
annakarenina
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Girl....it was 350 at Toys R Us which became 370 after taxes..but it went onsale for 300 and I kept my receipt and got my refund. You are only 5 once...and I know if they had that thing when I was five I would have loved it. I wish I could attach photos cause if you saw the look on her face when she came down the stairs and saw it..and the look on her face when she drives it...you'll know why I did it. Girl, right now it is in the living room and she sits in it to watch tv ...like she is at the drive in movie...lol 
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