My SIL just married off my niece
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Anonymous
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Ugh. My niece is 18, a senior in HS, her parents have never encouraged her academically (they tell her she's a dingbat, so she acts like one), they've encouraged her relationship with this guy who is a few years older, (so excited that she got a promise ring and a tattoo when she turned 18) and guess what, she's pregnant. So they married her off this weekend because the guy is part Native American and gets free health care.
And all the FB photos are of SIL and niece. None with the guy. I'm sure SIL is going to act like the baby is hers too. My brother is a total doormat, he married this woman when he was 19 and has been told what to do ever since. Thank god my nephew has a brain in his head and is on track to be valedictorian and get the hell out of there. Despite his mother--when DH was talking to nephew about college she said it was an "inappropriate conversation" and made him get off the phone. She doesn't want her kids to be any different than her trashy family. |
Anonymous
| Thanks for sharing. |
Anonymous
| I know it may sound to some like you are really judging, but I have these relatives and it is just sad. I can only say I understand your frustration. when things don't work out if you can, be a soft place to fall and keep connected to the niece. someday you can maybe encourage her to get more schooling and independence. |
Anonymous
| So interesting - I am listening to NPR right now about forced marriages. |
Anonymous
| Married her off? She's an adult, she made the decision to get married and they would not have been able to stop it. |
Anonymous
| Honestly, in her case, ignorance is bliss. You seem to have envisioned a grander life for her but your niece seems to be content with what she has. |
Anonymous
+1000. It's her own problem, not yours. She chose it. |
Anonymous
| I'm sorry about this. You can't really do anything, but in your niece's age bracket, at least 60% of marriages end in divorce. (CDC data) . If this happens, she may need some guidance in navigating her way toward a better life, and she might be more receptive to it at that point. |
Anonymous
He gets free healthcare because he's part Native American? Really? Op, like it or not, your niece is pregnant and in love. And women, even very young women, who are pregnant and in love tend to get married, with or without their parents' blessings. I doubt that she's marrying him because he has a great healthcare package. I understand your concern but what is done is done. Time to back off and be as supportive as you can. |
Anonymous
| OP, if your brother is going along with his wife and not helping his children see the bigger picture, and have/go after goals and dreams, he is no better than her -- so you might as well stop putting him on a pedestal while smashing her to bits. They have created this life together. |
Anonymous
| Cool story, bro. Maybe they can make a Lifetime movie about your angst over it. |
Anonymous
She is 18 and a "dingbat." Or, so she hss been told all her life. |
Anonymous
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It hurts, I know.
However even with what we perceive on this board to be limited education, please realize she can be perfectly happy with what she has. She may grow into a mentally balanced, hard working, resilient woman who will do her best for her children. Make your peace with it, OP, and learn to respect your niece. |
Anonymous
+10000. An 18 year old is an adult. She made her decision. My best friend was a teen mother. She got pregnant our junior years of high school. She married the baby's father. They finished high school. Worked their way through college. And just celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary. Sometimes it works out. |
Anonymous
| That's great they got married. That doesn't really happen so often any more and it suggests that both young people may be more serious than you think they are. |