How do your ILs identify you?
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Anonymous
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After ten years of marriage and three kids, my in laws still call me their "son's wife" or "brother's wife." I find that kind of strange after decade of marriage that they call me that. I call them "mother-in-law," "father-in-law," "brother-in-law" etc. The way they address me shows either their formality or not being completely accepted as a family member. Not to go into too many details, but there have been drama between my DH and his family in the past, but I stay out of it. I am polite to them, and don't share too many details about our lives.
What do your in-laws call you, and what type of relationship do you have with them? |
Anonymous
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Daughter-in-law/brother's wife
I have a good relationship with them and I don't take offense to my BIL calling me his "brother's wife." |
Anonymous
Same here. |
Anonymous
Same. Although its his sister who calls me that. She alternates between brother's wife and SIL. I think it has to do with the fact she has a SIL through her DH so I might be brother's wife and other one might be husband's sister. Doesn't bother me at all. |
Anonymous
| We have an ok relationship - she calls me her DIL. |
Anonymous
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I don't see any difference between "brother's wife" and "sister in law." They mean the exact same thing, why do you feel one implies acceptance and the other distance?
If anything, brother's wife is just more specific (you're married to their brother, you aren't their husband's sister). I have no idea how my in-laws describe me. I don't think the term they use has much to say about how they feel about me. |
Anonymous
| I don't even use the "in law" to refer to family members. Married my brother? I'll call you my sister. My cousin who is my best friend got married recently. His wife is my cousin. Family is what you make it. |
Anonymous
| They refer to me as the American. |
Anonymous
| To people they don't know well or haven't seen in years they say "this is our daughter in law, Jason's wife." But if I'm at their house and the phone rings my mil will often say "let me call you back; my daughter is visiting." She has her own real daughter so I feel very welcomed by her calling me that. My fil is the same way. I have been very lucky in regards to the family I married into. |
Anonymous
| I have a great relationship with my ILs, and they still introduce me as son's wife because that immediately helps people understand how I'm related. I don't think DIL clarifies the link to the core family - people would still wonder how it is I became the DIL. |
Anonymous
| My SIL insists that my mother call her "daughter". Sorry, I think that's weird. |
Anonymous
| My FIL calls me "my daughter by marriage." Never figured that one out. |
Anonymous
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My dad's wife gets upset when I refer to her or introduce her as "my dad's wife, X" rather than as "my stepmom, X." I just think the difference is stupid. They married when I was already an adult, so she didn't raise me (the connotation for "stepmom," to my ears). I like her a lot, so that's not an issue.
OP - don't read into it, please. Focus on other things. On the other hand, I recently went to lunch with the mother of an ex-boyfriend from many years ago. She and I had a wonderful relationship and still chat about once a year. She referred to her DIL (my ex-boyfriend's wife) as "my granchildren's mom." Ouch! |
Anonymous
| I don't think it's weird. They are just letting people know which son married you. |
Anonymous
| Brother's/Son's wife wouldn't bother me at all. My MIL often refers to me as "my granddaughter's mother." I've been married to her son for 11 years. |