Easy ways to make a child feel loved?

[Anonymous]

This may sound like such a stupid question... (I'm the poster who posted about the unhappy highly sensitive child)... but I'm looking for all the help I can get...

Does anyone do "special" and "easy" things with their kids that you feel really makes them feel valued and loved?

I read books, try to play games from time to time. Try to talk to him... go to the park... the basics. But I work full time and its just not always possible to spend unlimited amounts of quality time with my son.

To be sure, the gift of "time" is something that is often the solution... but I also recognize that sometimes there are really easy little things, that don't "cost" the parent much in terms of time, energy, etc., that can still be very valuable to the child.

Any ideas?

[Anonymous]

My favorite way is a random act of kindness or love. For example, I often hug my little girl extra when I'm putting her in her carseat. I reach over and hug her and tell her I love her and give her a kiss. Sometimes then she'll do the same thing for me, just tell me she wants to hug me. It is really cool. Or maybe break into a song your son really likes and have a quick little singing break.

[Anonymous]

I hope this doesn't sound stupid. My son just turned 3. Instead of a prayer at nite, up until about 6 months ago, I would lie down with him after a story and stare at the ceiling and whisper a long list of everyone that loves him" Mommy loves you, and Daddy loves you, and grandma..." and so...Now that he's 3, and more articulate we do a similar drill...but I ask him "Who loves you?"...and he whispers the list...he gets this smile on his face as you can tell he's picturing each person in his mind...it's my hope and belief that he is for himself creating that feeling of being loved, and drifting off for sweetdreams....

[Anonymous]

The obvious, saying "I love you" a lot. Also, you mentioned in your other post that your DS has a sister. I did this for a while -- I put kids to bed, then after about 20 minutes I went back upstairs and got my older child out of bed (they share a room, and he would be awake, waiting in bed for me to come get him) and we would sit in a rocking chair together for five minutes, whispering or just hanging out. We call it his "five minutes." Now he trades his 'five minutes' for something else (starting the night in my bed instead of his). It was a nice time together and a minimal time investment on my part on a busy/hectic schedule at night. Hope that helps.

[Anonymous]

I always felt special when my mom let me decide what we'd have for dinner. Maybe you could pick one night a week where he chose what the family ate for dinner.

Also, is there any way you can get up a little bit earlier to have some one-on-one time with him in the morning? Like a routine where just the two of you eat breakfast together and talk about what you're doing that day?

[Anonymous]

OP, I am not sure how old your child is, but here are some things that I do. I am also a full time working mom, but I think it is important to make time for these things.

1. Lots of hugs and kisses, for no particular reason, at many times thru the day, and each time say "I love you" or "you're so special" or "I am so glad you are my son." Definitely a hug and kiss before dropping off at school/daycare/leaving the house with nanny etc. and when picking up or immediately upon coming home (if he is already at home).

2. Let him pick stories to ready with you EVERY night. Spend at least 20 min reading, preferably laying/sitting down with him in his bed. This time could also just be cuddling, talking, tickling, playing games.

3. If you are ok with this, let him sleep in your bed if he is sick, or if he has a nightmare, let him come into your room.

4. If he wakes up earlier than you, tell him it is ok for him to climb into bed with you in the morning (again, if you are ok with this). Spend 5 minutes in bed cuddling, laughing, talking before you have to get up for work. If you don't want him coming to your bed, then you could go to his bed.

5. Let him help with things around the house that you are doing. If you are folding laundry, ask him if he wants to be "in charge" of something, like folding hand towels or matching socks. Praise his work, even if it isn't perfect. Don't fix his work -- put the items away (or let him put them away) just as he folded them (or attempted to fold them).

6. Not sure how old he is, but you could make up a bunch of notes one weekend (saying "i love you" or "Have a wonderful day") and put them in his school lunch box.

7. Take him to his favorite restaurant once a week or once a month. Make his favorite food at least once a week, and tell him "I wanted to make this special dinner, just for you" when you serve it.

8. Take 15 minutes when you come hom from work to play with him. Whatever he wants. Don't start dinner or do anything else until you have played for a short time.

I think it boils down to adding some little tidbits of quality time here and there, and lots of affection.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP - Here are things I do for my kids when I'm at work.

If your child is at home all day, leave a little note for the nanny to read to him. Just saying "I love you and I'm thinking of you" with a colorful crayon works wonders. My daughter has my nanny read and re-read the notes.

If he's in school, add stickers to his lunch. I have a bunch of them hidden at home, and everyday she gets a different sticker. Sometimes I add a little picture note that she can read herself (an eye, a heart and a U).

Also, if your job allows and this doesn't create more problems, have your nanny or child call you at work, or you call home just to say hi. Sometimes this upsets kids even more, but sometimes it makes them feel good, personality dependent.

Take off an afternoon as a surprise and play at home with him, pick him up from school, etc. Unexpected time with mom is more special than the usual.

Have a tradition that you share. Even if it's just once a year, it can be something to look forward to and builds bonds. Lunch at a fancy restaurant where he dresses up. High tea. Building a bear. Whatever your kids interests and your budget allows - it doesn't have to be expensive, but it should be special.

[Anonymous]

PP I hear you.

Did you read "the 5 languages of love"?
it's a book that explains how we feel loved and how we show love.

you find out what's your kids way to feel loved and what's your "showing love" kind of personality and you learn to adjust.

I'm not sure about the name of the book in English but I'll try to find out the name of the author....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:and whisper a long list of everyone that loves him" Mommy loves you, and Daddy loves you, and grandma..." and so...Now that he's 3, and more articulate we do a similar drill...but I ask him "Who loves you?"...and he whispers the list...he gets this smile on his face as you can tell he's picturing each person in his mind...it's my hope and belief that he is for himself creating that feeling of being loved, and drifting off for sweetdreams....

Yes! Not stupid at all. I'm a highly sensitive person, very sensitive as a child, and was very unloved. Nobody in the house said they loved anyone else. Ever. Say it over and over and over. Especially when the child has been bad, too. Discipline of course, but say no matter what, I always love you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am not sure how old your child is, but here are some things that I do. I am also a full time working mom, but I think it is important to make time for these things.

1. Lots of hugs and kisses, for no particular reason, at many times thru the day, and each time say "I love you" or "you're so special" or "I am so glad you are my son." Definitely a hug and kiss before dropping off at school/daycare/leaving the house with nanny etc. and when picking up or immediately upon coming home (if he is already at home).

2. Let him pick stories to ready with you EVERY night. Spend at least 20 min reading, preferably laying/sitting down with him in his bed. This time could also just be cuddling, talking, tickling, playing games.

3. If you are ok with this, let him sleep in your bed if he is sick, or if he has a nightmare, let him come into your room.

4. If he wakes up earlier than you, tell him it is ok for him to climb into bed with you in the morning (again, if you are ok with this). Spend 5 minutes in bed cuddling, laughing, talking before you have to get up for work. If you don't want him coming to your bed, then you could go to his bed.

5. Let him help with things around the house that you are doing. If you are folding laundry, ask him if he wants to be "in charge" of something, like folding hand towels or matching socks. Praise his work, even if it isn't perfect. Don't fix his work -- put the items away (or let him put them away) just as he folded them (or attempted to fold them).

6. Not sure how old he is, but you could make up a bunch of notes one weekend (saying "i love you" or "Have a wonderful day") and put them in his school lunch box.

7. Take him to his favorite restaurant once a week or once a month. Make his favorite food at least once a week, and tell him "I wanted to make this special dinner, just for you" when you serve it.

8. Take 15 minutes when you come hom from work to play with him. Whatever he wants. Don't start dinner or do anything else until you have played for a short time.

I think it boils down to adding some little tidbits of quality time here and there, and lots of affection.

Good luck!

My best friend's mom did this. Every day on the bus on the way to school we would read the note. It was so special. We couldn't wait to see what she wrote, even though it was only a couple of lines. It always closed with I love you!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am not sure how old your child is, but here are some things that I do. I am also a full time working mom, but I think it is important to make time for these things.

1. Lots of hugs and kisses, for no particular reason, at many times thru the day, and each time say "I love you" or "you're so special" or "I am so glad you are my son." Definitely a hug and kiss before dropping off at school/daycare/leaving the house with nanny etc. and when picking up or immediately upon coming home (if he is already at home).

2. Let him pick stories to ready with you EVERY night. Spend at least 20 min reading, preferably laying/sitting down with him in his bed. This time could also just be cuddling, talking, tickling, playing games.

3. If you are ok with this, let him sleep in your bed if he is sick, or if he has a nightmare, let him come into your room.

4. If he wakes up earlier than you, tell him it is ok for him to climb into bed with you in the morning (again, if you are ok with this). Spend 5 minutes in bed cuddling, laughing, talking before you have to get up for work. If you don't want him coming to your bed, then you could go to his bed.

5. Let him help with things around the house that you are doing. If you are folding laundry, ask him if he wants to be "in charge" of something, like folding hand towels or matching socks. Praise his work, even if it isn't perfect. Don't fix his work -- put the items away (or let him put them away) just as he folded them (or attempted to fold them).

6. Not sure how old he is, but you could make up a bunch of notes one weekend (saying "i love you" or "Have a wonderful day") and put them in his school lunch box.

7. Take him to his favorite restaurant once a week or once a month. Make his favorite food at least once a week, and tell him "I wanted to make this special dinner, just for you" when you serve it.

8. Take 15 minutes when you come hom from work to play with him. Whatever he wants. Don't start dinner or do anything else until you have played for a short time.

I think it boils down to adding some little tidbits of quality time here and there, and lots of affection.

Good luck!

My best friend's mom did this. Every day on the bus on the way to school we would read the note. It was so special. We couldn't wait to see what she wrote, even though it was only a couple of lines. It always closed with I love you!!!

Sorry, meant to put that in bold...

[Anonymous]

I made up a song (to the tune of another song - which i forget the name) that has "mommy loves you" as the main verse. Then I add in daddy, and Grandparents and aunts and uncles (and the dog). There are days I can hear him singing it to himself.

When he hugs me, I tell him he's made my day.

When I pick him up at daycare, I tell him I missed him and ask him about his day.

I insist that sometimes Mommy just has to sneak a hug and a kiss in no matter how much he "protests" (although this is cute for a toddler, maybe an older kid wouldn't like it so much).

[Anonymous]

My children love to hear stories about my pregnancy with them. How I was so excited when I found out I was pregnant with my oldest daughter that I could barely sleep! How I didn't want to let other people to hold her. How my husband and I were so excited about our second son that we painted the nursery twice to get the right shade of green. How all of us had lists of baby names for the third child, and how the older ones would only call him the name they picked for him for the first couple of weeks so that his name was Henry, George and Barney! They enjoy these so much and it gives you a chance to tell them in a memorable way how special they are.

[Anonymous]

My children love to have one-on-one time with either parent. It can be something as simple as stopping off for hot chocolate on the way home from school pick-up or walking to the store together. It's a time when they don't have to compete for attention and therefore, I think, feel more fully loved.

[Anonymous]

i'm a single mother and work full-time, so i don't have as much time with my son as i'd like either. i tell him i love him as often as i can. i constantly hug and kiss him. i do send love notes in lunch some days. often, for no particular reason, i tell him all the ways i love him and why i like him. he really likes these lists. for example, i love you because you're sweet. i love you because you're so kind to our dog. i love the way you laugh. i love how you love to dance all around. i love you even when you're really cranky. i even love your gas!! (this particular last one gets shrieks of laughter. son is about 5). he also likes when we go back and forth and he says something like "i love you as much as all the stars in the sky," and i'll say i love you as much as all the water in all the oceans, and we'll go and on like this. this is really fun for him (and me too). the words are really important.