Preteen DC not really into believing... Can I do anything?

[Anonymous]

I'm a Catholic who doesn't expect everyone else to feel as I do, so I'd say I do respect individual beliefs. Preteen daughter has really never been that into God and church, but I'm wondering if I can do anything to build her faith.

I do take our kids to Mass weekly; however on a daily basis I don't quote the bible or read it (that's not really a Catholic thing anyway). We say grace before dinner. DH was raised Protestant but is really just spiritual now and only attends Mass with us on Christmas and EAster. While I wish that weren't the case, I know belief can't be and shouldn't be forced on a person, so I respect his preference.

Which brings me back to my daughter! I feel that since she's still a child there may be something I can do to encourage her. Plenty of young kids hold God strong in their lives. Any hope?

[Anonymous]

If I were you I would examine why you want it to be a bigger deal to her than it currently is.

[Anonymous]

Ultimately she will choose her own path. All you can do is expose her to what you know and love. IMO

[Anonymous]

I was raised like your DD and I too lost interest in religion.

[Anonymous]

First ask yourself what your primary motivation is for wanting your daughter to be more into into God and church. (Want her to get into heaven...believe she would benefit from going to confession...worried a family culture/tradition of going to church may be lost...etc.)
Once you figure this out then simply talk to your daughter and explain to her that you have concerns about x and get her take on things.
You already attest to the fact that belief can't be and shouldn't be forced on a person, so instead of trying to encourage your daughter to see things your way why not try and gain a better understanding of how she sees things and guide her accordingly.

[Anonymous]

OP, as you know, a lot at that age has to do with friends and peer groups. Is there a youth group at your church that would be of interest? What about Sunday school classes or other activities with church friends her age?

[Anonymous]

Agree with the earlier poster. Trust that she will find her path. It may be very different from your own.

[Anonymous]

Make sure you don't send her to catholic school. I went to one and most kids her hard core atheists by the time they graduated.

[Anonymous]

You could try sending her to Catholic school.

[Anonymous]

A preteen is discovering their own opinions and ability to reason so I think the best thing you can do is make the material available to her and give her the space to explore it on her own. Quoting the Bible at her or telling her what she should believe fails to take into account her innate abilities that are blossoming at this age; she's just coming to a point when she can discover faith for herself and really own it. If you try to force it, I'm pretty sure it will backfire on you. I got a lot responses along the lines of "Because this is what the Church teaches" when I was questioning at that age - it's not an intellectually satisfying response to some one who genuinely wants to understand and is newly capable of chewing on life's big questions. It's very dismissive actually.

I think this is actually the perfect time to give her a challenge. If there's a youth group at the church that delves into the intellectual depths of theology and isn't just a social hang out, she might enjoy that. If that's not her thing, then have her volunteer in a soup kitchen and see mercy in action - sometimes we must act before we understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a Catholic who doesn't expect everyone else to feel as I do, so I'd say I do respect individual beliefs. Preteen daughter has really never been that into God and church, but I'm wondering if I can do anything to build her faith.

I do take our kids to Mass weekly; however on a daily basis I don't quote the bible or read it (that's not really a Catholic thing anyway). We say grace before dinner. DH was raised Protestant but is really just spiritual now and only attends Mass with us on Christmas and EAster. While I wish that weren't the case, I know belief can't be and shouldn't be forced on a person, so I respect his preference.

Which brings me back to my daughter! I feel that since she's still a child there may be something I can do to encourage her. Plenty of young kids hold God strong in their lives. Any hope?

hijack, but what does this even mean?

[Anonymous]

From a non-Catholic perspective, DH was raised Jewish and was similarly disinterested. My FIL was insistent that DH be Bar Mitzvah-ed and attend services throughout his adolescence, and they fought about it all the time (by DH's account). DH completely rejected the faith and has been really resistant to introducing our kids to even the most basic ideas about Judaism or religion in general, bc he feels it was forced down his throat for years. So, I think there's a chance it can be made worse.

DH is an atheist/agnostic at heart, and also opposed on principle to going through the motions of something he doesn't believe. However, he is also a thoroughly decent and kind person who has internalized many of the values religion engenders (charity, family, humans having intrinsic worth...). I think there's a good chance your DD will pick up on these very positive aspects of the Catholic faith maybe without having a faith of her own.

FWIW I was raised Catholic up to a point, then got involved in an Episcopal church with an amazing youth program which I loved. I was heavily involved in church from ages 13-17 or so. And then stopped, and am now spiritual but not religious and no longer consider myself Christian. Just an example that shows you could have a DD who was deeply involved and then let it go, or one who stays disinterested as a teen and comes back later.

[Anonymous]

the good bits of any religion include charity, family, humans having intrinsic worth... - and as noted above , religion is not necessary to have these values.

if your daughter a good kid, let her find her own way, with or without religion.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 Catholic teens. We attend Mass weekly and have all their lives. They have been educated in Catholic schools and have been choir members and altar servers (that helps with the "boredom" aspect of Mass attendance for young kids.) That said, I fully expect them to question things. I fully expect them to have many times where parts of their faith do not appeal to them. What I do I just speak frankly about why we chose Catholic school, why I participate in church activities, the positive things that my church has brought to my life (friends, social outlets, etc) When they do service projects with the teen group I try to take a few minutes when I pick them up to remind them what a difference their participation made to the outreach group. I want them to feel good about what they've done. We talk a lot about friends and what making good choices is all about and how our faith background plays into that. I want them to look beyond themselves. I read something recently that we shouldn't get hung up on getting something out of our religion but rather having a religion that inspires us to give something to the humanity we are a part of.

I'm just trying to lay groundwork without being preachy. They may stray from the Church at some point but I want them to have positive experiences they can look back to at a time when maturity kicks in a little more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 Catholic teens. We attend Mass weekly and have all their lives. They have been educated in Catholic schools and have been choir members and altar servers (that helps with the "boredom" aspect of Mass attendance for young kids.) That said, I fully expect them to question things. I fully expect them to have many times where parts of their faith do not appeal to them. What I do I just speak frankly about why we chose Catholic school, why I participate in church activities, the positive things that my church has brought to my life (friends, social outlets, etc) When they do service projects with the teen group I try to take a few minutes when I pick them up to remind them what a difference their participation made to the outreach group. I want them to feel good about what they've done. We talk a lot about friends and what making good choices is all about and how our faith background plays into that. I want them to look beyond themselves. I read something recently that we shouldn't get hung up on getting something out of our religion but rather having a religion that inspires us to give something to the humanity we are a part of.

I'm just trying to lay groundwork without being preachy. They may stray from the Church at some point but I want them to have positive experiences they can look back to at a time when maturity kicks in a little more.

this sounds really healthy to me. I hope if they "stray" that you don't try to herd them back in, and can just enjoy your part in making them strong, introspective and well-versed adults