Morning PSAs

[Anonymous]

Dear Maternity Pants and Maternity Underwear -

You looked so big when I bought you. Your elastic waistbands made me happy - months and months of no zippers or buttons! How can you betray me by constantly rolling down and bunching up right on top of my already stressed bladder? I know you are working together as a team, and that is nice and all, but I'd appreciate it if you'd conspire to stay UP or at least try to. I really hate to discover I am walking around showing my giant white belly to people in my office!

Sincerely, wearing only jogging pants from now on


Dear general fast walking public -

I am 9 months pregnant. Please don't say you didn't notice. I've seen myself in a mirror, it is very obvious! Please stop walking up my butt, bumping into me, and zooming by me nearly knocking me over! I am truly happy for you that you don't spend your days waddling, but please feel for me when I am!

Sincerely, soon-to-be shut-in

Dear DCUM - please join in...

[Anonymous]

Dear Baby Supply Stores,
Please put more chairs around for me to use while I look at your products...especially when you have a salesperson give a 20 minute presentation on mattresses. Thanks!
Sincerely, Expecting Mom with Dough to Spend.

Dear empty paper box,
Thank you so much for helping me this past week! You really saved my ankles from swelling and my lower back from hurting. I really appreciate how low cost your solution was and how discretely you fit under a table at work.
Sincerely, She-Fights-Swelling

[Anonymous]

Dear D-sized Breasts,
Welcome! I really didn't expect to see you, but one day, there you were. (And my husband is SO glad that you are). Please feel free to stay as long as you like because we'll surely miss you when you are gone.
Sincerely,
Former Nearly B's