ugh

[Anonymous]

Dear MIL, I believe DH and I have both mentioned several times that my baby has a milk protein allergy and since Im breastfeeding, I can't eat dairy products. I bring my own butter, creamer, and almond milk to your house, and generally tend to fend for myself at meals so you don't need to cook separate food for me, so why then would you lie to me and tell me that the dish you made for breakfast is totally fine for me to eat when, in fact, it contains a stick of butter??

[Anonymous]

Because she doesn't believe in this milk allergy business and wants to run an experiment by giving you something cream-based. If you nurse and the baby is fine then she wins and you're the crazy DIL who won't let grandma hold the baby enough.

Did I get that right?

[Anonymous]

Probably it's because she didn't make anything with cheese or milk, so she thinks it's dairy-free. She didn't consider that butter (not a "food" so much as an incidental) is dairy too.

I'm a vegetarian. My Inlaws have for YEARS told me this or that is vegetarian, yet when I press for details I find it's made with chicken stock, or a casserole with a can of Campbells cream of chicken soup. They don't do it to stick it to me, they just don't realize that a Broccoli Rice casserole (no meat, sounds vegetarian to them) made with cream of chicken soup is actually NOT vegetarian!

Do you think she's deliberately doing this, or just not thinking?

[Anonymous]

Lord, get the hint! Stay in a hotel because you sound like the guest from hell

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lord, get the hint! Stay in a hotel because you sound like the guest from hell

Because her baby had a milk allergy???!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because she doesn't believe in this milk allergy business and wants to run an experiment by giving you something cream-based. If you nurse and the baby is fine then she wins and you're the crazy DIL who won't let grandma hold the baby enough.

It's this!

[Anonymous]

I take care of ababy who can't have eggs or dairy but can have butter. maybe your mil doesn't realize butter is on the no list since its usually considered safe for people who can't otherwise have dairy. it lacks the protein that gives people trouble with milk.

[Anonymous]

She could just be clueless like the PPs inlaws who don't realize if something's made with chicken stock it no longer vegetarian. Or she's being a total bitch, only you know. I will say when my child was RX with a gluten allergy we had to make a safe list for everyone who's house he's at regularly- it took my dad a long time to learn to read labels and what to look for so he always went to the list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I take care of a baby who can't have eggs or dairy but can have butter. maybe your mil doesn't realize butter is on the no list since its usually considered safe for people who can't otherwise have dairy. it lacks the protein that gives people trouble with milk.

This. I have lactose intolerance (which I realize is completely different) but can have butter. Maybe she doesn't realize butter is not ok.

[Anonymous]

Give her the benefit of the doubt. Cooking without any dairy is difficult and it's easy to slip up. It's not a conspiracy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She could just be clueless like the PPs inlaws who don't realize if something's made with chicken stock it no longer vegetarian. Or she's being a total bitch, only you know. I will say when my child was RX with a gluten allergy we had to make a safe list for everyone who's house he's at regularly- it took my dad a long time to learn to read labels and what to look for so he always went to the list.

This is such a smart way to handle it. I have no experience with gluten allergies -- I'd have no idea about some things that are on the 'no' list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give her the benefit of the doubt. Cooking without any dairy is difficult and it's easy to slip up. It's not a conspiracy.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Probably it's because she didn't make anything with cheese or milk, so she thinks it's dairy-free. She didn't consider that butter (not a "food" so much as an incidental) is dairy too.

I'm a vegetarian. My Inlaws have for YEARS told me this or that is vegetarian, yet when I press for details I find it's made with chicken stock, or a casserole with a can of Campbells cream of chicken soup. They don't do it to stick it to me, they just don't realize that a Broccoli Rice casserole (no meat, sounds vegetarian to them) made with cream of chicken soup is actually NOT vegetarian!

Do you think she's deliberately doing this, or just not thinking?

Very possible.

[Anonymous]

If probably ask you first but all my friends who are lactose intolerant have no trouble with butter and eat it. I'd be more likely to assume that butter is okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I take care of ababy who can't have eggs or dairy but can have butter. maybe your mil doesn't realize butter is on the no list since its usually considered safe for people who can't otherwise have dairy. it lacks the protein that gives people trouble with milk.

When we were dealing with a nut allergy (ALL) my parents would often pull out foods like pesto (made with pine nuts) and Honey Nut Cheerios. They totally did not think about how food is prepared, just what it is called.

We also had the "these pops are made with real fruit juice, so they are healthy" conversation. Once. Then I gave up. I give my kids juice and push to eat out where waiters will usually be honest.