13 year old boy, yuck
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Anonymous
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My 13 y.o. ds is totally indifferent to his personal hygiene. We have been gently "reminding" him to take a shower for months and months, but I can't stay on top of him. Sometimes I look at (or smell) him and realize that I have no idea when was the last time he showered. Was it this year?! A couple weeks ago, dh and I told him that we can't be his reminder, and that he needs to shower every day now. Part of being a man, and all that. Still no dice.
Here's the most recent affront. On Sunday evening this week, I went into the kids' bathroom and noticed his toothbrush wasn't there. Me: "Where's your toothbrush?" Ds: "Oh, it's in my bag, from when I slept over at Charlie's." [Friday night.] Me: (reluctant to hear the answer) "So, have you brushed your teeth all weekend?" Ds: "...no." Points for the honesty, I guess. But, gross! I can't get him to care, and I can't follow him around. Someone with older boys please tell me it gets better. |
Anonymous
| A friend of mine said it didn't get better until her DS started taking an interest in girls... |
Anonymous
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I'm afraid it takes awhile to get better.
We make our 13yo shower and brush his teeth every night (and teeth again in the morning) because I cannot abide the lack of hygiene that would occur if we left him to his own devices. It is gross. |
Anonymous
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To be totally honest, I didn't brush my teeth regularly until I was a few months away from turning 14, the summer before 9th grade. And it seemed I was on the late side.
Tell him that if he's going to continue to act like a child by not doing these basic things, you're going to treat him like one. Then pin this up in his bathroom, and start saying, "Good job, little buddy!" each time you notice he's brushed his teeth before you give him a sticker. http://www.freeprintablebehaviorcharts.com/hygiene%20charts%20pdf/morn.eve%20hygiene.pdf |
Anonymous
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Gentle reminder?
"Take a shower now" is our gentle reminder. We follow it up with "You can practice piano, talk to me about whatever, eat dinner... after you shower." "You may not sit on my furniture until you shower." Gentle, shmentle. |
Anonymous
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I've also got a 13 year old. Every night at the same time, I remind my kids to: "get a shower, brush your teeth, use your acne cream." Sometimes they shock the heck out of me and do it without the reminder.
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Anonymous
| You are right, you can't get him to care. If you care (and it sounds like you do), then you are going to have to keep on top of him. I don't really understand what you mean when you say you can't follow him around. Presumably you are home at night an hour before he goes to bed? That is the time when you say, just as you did when he was small, "DS, time for a shower." And presumably you are home when he goes to bed and when he leaves the house in the morning for school? Those are the times when you say, "DS, it is time to brush your teeth." |
Anonymous
OP here, yep, I just meant gentle as in "go take a shower," rather than what I'm really thinking, which is "you are gross, and I don't understand how you can stand to be so gross every day. Why do I have to tell you to bathe?!" I guess 20:02 you're probably right--I just need to be more vigilant. Actually I am not usually here when he leaves the house in the morning, and often I am working at night so I'm not paying attention; he's pretty autonomous. This is why he slips under the hygiene radar. Perhaps if I stay on the issue better he will tire of hearing his mommy tell him to shower brush his teeth and start taking care of matters on his own. Or maybe he'll meet a girl and stir up a whole new hornet's nest of issues. I should be thankful for the poor hygiene. |
Anonymous
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My now 17 year old is in the bathroom for long periods doing God knows what. Actually we pretty much know what.
Hygiene is a lot better, too, though! |
Anonymous
My brother was the same way until age 13 or 14 and then he took 3 showers a day! Hmmmm. 
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Anonymous
| Girls and social ridicule will take care of it in a jiffy. No worries. |
Anonymous
| Yeah, my 13 year old would gladly take several showers a day. Nudge Nudge. Say no more. |
Anonymous
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My 13 year old takes a shower every evening and tries to take one every morning but if we're rushing I tell him he cant. He spends a good 20 to 30 minutes in the bathroom every morning. He has a special soap he uses to wash his face and a special lotion he uses after. He lotions his body after every shower and brushes his teeth and uses mouthwash every morning/night. All of this is done with no prompting from me.
BUT, I was anal about this stuff when he was younger. I stayed on top of it and now it's pretty much habit I guess and it's just his normal routine. I'm working on my 8 year old. I noticed his toothbrush was dry after he told us he brushed his teeth so now either me or my husband have to actually watch him brush his teeth until we can trust that it will happen later. It's a PITA but it will pay off later and the hygiene thing is not optional for us so we are willing to do the hard stuff now. He moans and groans every morning when we ask him to wash his face and his privates. It makes for a hellish morning actually, he starts complaining and gets all grumpy and disagreeable about everything else. BUT, I still make sure he does it because I want it to become habit for him at some point. All the to say,it's not too late OP. Stay on top of him. If you are able call him from work, or put sticky's where he will see them with reminders of what he needs to do. Make it a priority and hold him accountable. Good luck! |
Anonymous
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OP,
Enlist your pediatrician. I did. Big help. The other adolescent extreme Axe overuse. |
Anonymous
| Just be waiting in the front yard with a hose when he gets home. |