Teaching a brand new driver to drive and it's a lot harder than I expected...

[Anonymous]

My 16-year-old just got his learner's permit and today I took him out for his first practice drive. We started in a parking lot to get the feel of things, then spent about a half hour driving various side streets.

I have to say he did just fine... didn't drive too fast, didn't do anything stupid, didn't hit any cars, etc. In spite of how well it went, I felt like a nervous wreck the whole time! UGH! Even though I was shaking inside, I remained calm on the outside because I didn't want to make things worse for him, but does it ever get any better? I didn't expect it to be so nerve-wracking! I hated it!!! Now I am absolutely dreading this whole teaching him how to drive thing. I've been driving for over 30 years so it is second nature to me, but seeing it through the eyes of a brand new driver made me realize just how many little decisions we make as drivers and how alert we have to be to anticipate what other drivers are going to do and the stupid things they might do that we have to be aware of.

I'm just venting because I know this part of parenting is not optional but how do you get through this? There wasn't even that much traffic and we stayed on the side streets, so it's only going to get worse as we start doing more challenging things. I don't feel like I wil be up for this. We're going to be paying for a private instructor but at this point I feel like I just want to back out of it and let me husband do all the parent-teaching. Am i just being a wimp?

[Anonymous]

Not at all. Parent are sometimes not their child's best teacher, especially if they bring a lot of emotions to the party.

I remember how terrified and ill-assured I was during my driving lessons with an instructor, and beyond. For many years actually! It would have been a lot worse if one of my parents had been sitting next to me, privy to my every mistake and sweaty reaction.

So ask him what he prefers. And you both have my complete sympathy.

[Anonymous]

Yes, first drive with each of my DCs was sooo stressful!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 16-year-old just got his learner's permit and today I took him out for his first practice drive. We started in a parking lot to get the feel of things, then spent about a half hour driving various side streets.

I have to say he did just fine... didn't drive too fast, didn't do anything stupid, didn't hit any cars, etc. In spite of how well it went, I felt like a nervous wreck the whole time! UGH! Even though I was shaking inside, I remained calm on the outside because I didn't want to make things worse for him, but does it ever get any better? I didn't expect it to be so nerve-wracking! I hated it!!! Now I am absolutely dreading this whole teaching him how to drive thing. I've been driving for over 30 years so it is second nature to me, but seeing it through the eyes of a brand new driver made me realize just how many little decisions we make as drivers and how alert we have to be to anticipate what other drivers are going to do and the stupid things they might do that we have to be aware of.

I'm just venting because I know this part of parenting is not optional but how do you get through this? There wasn't even that much traffic and we stayed on the side streets, so it's only going to get worse as we start doing more challenging things. I don't feel like I wil be up for this. We're going to be paying for a private instructor but at this point I feel like I just want to back out of it and let me husband do all the parent-teaching. Am i just being a wimp?

You are far from being a wimp. You have raised this girl for sixteen years and even though your husband has helped you have been in control of her life for those years. Suddenly you find yourself on the other side of the car and you realize that you have absolutely no control over the operation of the car. It is a scary thing. The worst thing you can do is to show any sign of fear. Stay in the neighborhoods for now and talk her through most situations as in "now we have a stop sign up here, so try to come to a smooth stop". "Now you choose which way you want to go but be sure to look both ways" If you let her choose the route instead of you being the navigator she will gain confidence and before long she will be driving you to the store.

It won't get worse. It will get better as she gets better. Why do you need to pay for a private instructor unless you live in a state that requires this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 16-year-old just got his learner's permit and today I took him out for his first practice drive. We started in a parking lot to get the feel of things, then spent about a half hour driving various side streets.

I have to say he did just fine... didn't drive too fast, didn't do anything stupid, didn't hit any cars, etc. In spite of how well it went, I felt like a nervous wreck the whole time! UGH! Even though I was shaking inside, I remained calm on the outside because I didn't want to make things worse for him, but does it ever get any better? I didn't expect it to be so nerve-wracking! I hated it!!! Now I am absolutely dreading this whole teaching him how to drive thing. I've been driving for over 30 years so it is second nature to me, but seeing it through the eyes of a brand new driver made me realize just how many little decisions we make as drivers and how alert we have to be to anticipate what other drivers are going to do and the stupid things they might do that we have to be aware of.

I'm just venting because I know this part of parenting is not optional but how do you get through this? There wasn't even that much traffic and we stayed on the side streets, so it's only going to get worse as we start doing more challenging things. I don't feel like I wil be up for this. We're going to be paying for a private instructor but at this point I feel like I just want to back out of it and let me husband do all the parent-teaching. Am i just being a wimp?

You are far from being a wimp. You have raised this girl for sixteen years and even though your husband has helped you have been in control of her life for those years. Suddenly you find yourself on the other side of the car and you realize that you have absolutely no control over the operation of the car. It is a scary thing. The worst thing you can do is to show any sign of fear. Stay in the neighborhoods for now and talk her through most situations as in "now we have a stop sign up here, so try to come to a smooth stop". "Now you choose which way you want to go but be sure to look both ways" If you let her choose the route instead of you being the navigator she will gain confidence and before long she will be driving you to the store.

It won't get worse. It will get better as she gets better. Why do you need to pay for a private instructor unless you live in a state that requires this?

What kind of sexist drivel is that? And psst - Op's child is a boy.

[Anonymous]

It takes time. and patience. VDOT has an excellent downloadable sequence of what to do in the first hour, second hour.....

We spent 2 hours (4 x 30 minutes) in the HS parking lot and roads on the campus (McLean HS before we ventured out on to neighborhood roads. We spent 3-4 hours (4 x 30 minutes) only on the back roads before we ventured outo nto roads like Kriby, Westmoreland.

He is 20 hours in and we still haven't ventured out on to the highways. He has driven on a divided road in NC.

[Anonymous]

Stomp on the imaginary brake!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stomp on the imaginary brake!

Funny! Are you my mom? I grew up in TX and we had to take a driver's ed course (either through school or privately). Do kids not do that here?

[Anonymous]

OP, where do you live? Make sure your DC is doing all of the mandatory classes for your jurisdiction. Since my kids go to a private school we don't have drivers ed classes and I found out about some of the requirements where we live rather late in the game. We found the driving instructors very helpful if you can afford them. They knew how to explain some things in a way I did not and really emphasized safety.

[Anonymous]

I drive smart. best money we ever spent.

[Anonymous]

See I'm surprised you got out of the parking lot! We spent a lot of time in the parking lot ~ a real pain - had to go at certain hours when it was empty. We went to our area community college. I bought cones (don't buy them - DD couldn't see them over the dashboard) We then had to plan which neighborhood streets were wide with little/no traffic. Then there was driving making only right hand turns (since that was easier)

It's a lot of work. It's = to an extra-curricular, not just for a semester, but more like 9-12 months.

[Anonymous]

Driver's Ed course (and in NOVA it is offered in the schools, and they do a good job) comes NO where near close to providing enough practice. Parents you will do this.

[Anonymous]

Pro-tip - drive on major area roads at Sunday at 6am for a first run. Do not go on the Beltway for the first time at any other time!

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the replies, everyone -- very helpful!

I do not live in the DC area. Our public school district does not offer Driver's Ed, so the only non-parent options are expensive driving instructors. But professionals know how to explain things better than I do and they are better-equipped to do the tough stuff like highway driving, night-time driving, parking lots, parallel parking, etc.

The one we'll be using is staffed by retired police officers and they even take the students through the state driving test because they know exactly what is done and what is expected.

Still, there is no getting around that I'm going to have to spend a lot of time in the passenger seat if I'm going to get my son the many hours of practice that he needs. I just didn't expect it to be so nerve-wracking!

[Anonymous]

P.S. also meant to add that the professionals use dual-equipped vehicles with steering and brake on both sides. Nice!