My baby is one month old!

[Anonymous]

I always found DC Urban Mom to be a source of great information, tips and support, especially this pregnancy forum where you could air all of your crazy worries and fears...

Now that my baby is a month old, I thought I'd try to return the favor by passing on some of the things I've learned and discovered in the last month of pregnancy until now.

IT HURTS.

The last month of pregnancy hurts, labor and delivery hurt, and boy does that first week or so post-delivery hurt. I was unprepared for how much my body would ache the last month of pregnancy. I couldn't put my pants on without sitting down. sleeping was painful. My pubic bone felt like it were splitting in two.

I had an epidural, but the contractions hurt like hell until it kicked in. And the pushing part was exhausting. Thank god for epidurals. I honestly don't think I would have been able to push my very large baby out if I'd had to go through the pain of contractions all day. As it happened, I watched a movie and took a nap thanks to modern science...and then got that baby out vaginally with every ounce of energy I had.

I knew I'd be sore post-delivery, but I didn't realize just how brutal it would be. And I didn't have an episiotomy and also had no tearing -- but still, going to the bathroom hurt like hell for about two weeks. The breast engorgement hurt, but luckily only lasted about 24 hours.

NO MATTER HOW MUCH HELP YOU HAVE, YOU ARE STILL THAT BABY'S GO-TO PERSON

I had a lot of help for weeks -- spouse and two very helpful parents. However...if you're breastfeeding, only you can do it. And babies need to eat every 2 to 3 hours. Once I accepted that no matter how helpful my spouse was, I would still be doing far more than he was, I got into a much better place emotionally. It actually helped me a lot to just accept that it wouldn't be "equal", and that I would be doing much more of the baby work than he would be. And then I remembered and realized....that I wanted to! I don't even mind being the one to do most of the nighttime feedings now. Somehow, that mothering instinct just kicks in.

BREASTFEEDING...

I've been lucky -- my baby is a good sucker and I have plenty of milk. Still...it hurt and I went to see Pat Shelly, who is the genius everyone on these boards claims she is. What a help! I also had to supplement my baby with abottle of formula in the hospital, and had to supplement him (though I used mostly pumped BM) for four days in his first week when I got home. I'm glad I didn't freak out and stress about it. I just always viewed breastfeeding as something I would move heaven and earth to do, and I never once considered discontinuing it, even when it was tough. I'm so grateful for the Washington Breasfeeding Center and the support it provides women.

FIND A NEW MOMS' GROUP

Even if you have a supportive family and spouse, being around other women and their infants is really wonderful, fun, and helpful. Find some kind of new moms group and go weekly. Hearing other women's experiences and having the chance to share yours has been so terrific.

REITER AND HILL AND SIBLEY

Lots of comments about this practice and Sibley on this board -- let me just say that I had an angel of a nurse during delivery -- Nicole -- and the labor/delivery couldn't have been better. Great room, great staff. In recovery, the room was claustrophobically small (partly due to my overpacking, see next item) and some nurses were great, some just mediocre. I had Dr. Johnson of Reiter and Hill, and she was great. Not around all that much until the very end, but she was terrific and at no time did anyone at Sibley or Dr. Johnson suggest a c-section, though after my baby was born, I heard from loads of nurses that 99% of women who have a baby as big as mine was have a c-section. So I'm grateful that nobody pushed me into considering a C-section just because of the size of the baby.

DON'T OVERPACK

I overpacked. In retrospect, we should have anticipated that my husband would've just gone home to shower -- we're only a few miles from the hospital -- and not packed so much for him. Also, he could've gotten more things for me if I needed them. I packed two pairs of pajamas -- didn't use either one -- and all this other stuff I didn't need. I did need the robe - that was a good thing to pack. And flip-flops. And you can just wear home what you went in! Anyone who'd wear anything fancier than sweats is crazy if you ask me.

YOU WILL LOVE THIS LITTLE PERSON MORE THAN YOU EVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE

My heart melts about 80 times a day. The look on his face when he's about to eat...so happy and excited. His big eyes staring at me. the way he falls alseep on my chest. His coos. His smiles -- even the gas-induced ones. I found a personality in this little tiny infant much faster than I ever thought possible.

so it's all worth it! Good luck to everyone!

[Anonymous]

Thank you! I wish I could write more, but I'm just simply writing to let you know I greatly appreciate your message. So far, my first baby is coming big and I don't know yet if I will have a C-section or will push, push, push. The closer I get to the estimated due date, the more I'm reading and listening carefully for advice.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you've lived (and survived) the basics of motherhood!

For the next 18 years, it'll start to get a little tricky

[Anonymous]

Dear OP - Thank you for your message. It is helpful to know what kinds of things to expect. I am 14 weeks and already fretting about giving birth. I keep hearing that it is all worth it in the end and the more I hear it, the more excited I get (rather than scared!).

[Anonymous]

Let me add that childbirth really does hurt (I had a natural birth), it really really really hurts. BUT with the benefit of hindsight it seems pretty easy compared to the long haul of parenting a baby. Not that I don't love my child, but labor and delivery can only last, what, maybe a couple of days at worst? Parenting is a day in, day out job for a very long time.

If you are ready to be a parent, you'll be fine with birth. Reading about birth and learning more about it takes a lot of the fear away.

[Anonymous]

The odd thing about childbirth (and all the emotional and physical feelings that go along with it) is that it's very intense and memorable. HOWEVER, for some reason (the joy of parenthood!), women come back for more (i.e have more babies). Go figure.

And you know what? Despite our birth plans/preferences, our parenting styles, our income, our education, our own upbringing, our family unit, or anything else - our common denominator is that we are all moms (or soon to be)! And that my dear, is very special (not everyone can say that )

[Anonymous]

Where did you find a new moms group? I'd really like to find one in NoVa, but am not having any luck. DS is three weeks now.

I'll echo your comments about the breastfeeding center, too; Pat's been quite helpful.

[Anonymous]

Since this thread is for expectant mothers, I'll chime in with a different perspective on breastfeeding. If you are unlike the OP and your baby does have trouble latching or you do have trouble producing enough milk and breastfeeding doesn't work out, that's okay. You might see breastfeeding, as OP stated, "as something I would move heaven and earth to do," but you might move heaven and earth and still have trouble with it. It's okay. Heck, it's fine if you decide you DON'T want to move heaven and earth to do it. And it's fine if you have to have a c-section. Your baby won't remember how he came into this world, and unless you breastfeed until he's three or so, he won't remember how you fed him, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where did you find a new moms group? I'd really like to find one in NoVa, but am not having any luck. DS is three weeks now.

I'll echo your comments about the breastfeeding center, too; Pat's been quite helpful.

There are oodles of moms groups on Nova. It sorta depends where you are and what you want out of it - Novamoms (dot org) is a start (both moms and mom & kid activities), Herndon also has a group, Joy Troupe has ads on DCUM (see Playgroup forum), MONA (Moms of Arlington), MOPS (Moms of preschoolers, but I heard they "accept" all ages, but double check), Stroller Strides, and anything on Meetup. The list is endless. You could also always go the route of signing up for a baby class through the county (Aquatots, baby yoga, etc.) and meet other moms there too).

[Anonymous]

OP, what a great post!!! CONGRATS....I got tears in my eyes and now want to have a third!!!