Give another chance?

[Anonymous]

Here's the OP with backstory
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/351782.page

This family member has reached our and wants to make plans to get together. This is a change from me being the only one to initiate. Still, there's the strong possibility (based on history) that she will end up canceling anyway. So, I wouldn't even tell the kids about it and get them excited only to be let down.

Do you think I should accept the invite and try again or is it a bad idea?

[Anonymous]

Accept but don't plan on it actually happening.

[Anonymous]

I would give it one more chance. But I would be frank with her and tell her that you've been really sad that she keeps calling it off at the last minute and that you've set aside the day and prepared for her, only to be disappointed repeatedly. By the way, this happened to me once -- I was the flaky one. I was at a real low point in my life, had several miscarriages in a row and was really depressed. My friend (who has two great kids I normally loved spending time with) kept asking me to do things, and I just didn't have the energy and would cancel. She finally wrote me and said, "We are good enough friends for me to tell you that I'm very hurt that you keep cancelling." She was totally right and it was a wake-up call to me. I told her that I was just depressed and I want to see her and I never flaked again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would give it one more chance. But I would be frank with her and tell her that you've been really sad that she keeps calling it off at the last minute and that you've set aside the day and prepared for her, only to be disappointed repeatedly. By the way, this happened to me once -- I was the flaky one. I was at a real low point in my life, had several miscarriages in a row and was really depressed. My friend (who has two great kids I normally loved spending time with) kept asking me to do things, and I just didn't have the energy and would cancel. She finally wrote me and said, "We are good enough friends for me to tell you that I'm very hurt that you keep cancelling." She was totally right and it was a wake-up call to me. I told her that I was just depressed and I want to see her and I never flaked again.

To this poster -- thank you for sharing this.

To the OP -- Say yes. Don't slam any doors just yet. And I agree, don't build this up with the kids, based on your past experiences here. But do let her know: "I'm really looking forward to this, but last time we arranged X, you canceled -- please tell me this is definitely going to happen because the cancellations are tough on me and on the kids, and we need thsi to be firm and fixed. Are we good?" Then I'd check in two days before with the same thing: "Hey, check your schedule because I want to ensure we are absolutely on for this and nothing is going to come up." Yes, no one wants to babysit an adult that way, but maybe it will show her that this is her final chance, and that you do want it enough to check in with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would give it one more chance. But I would be frank with her and tell her that you've been really sad that she keeps calling it off at the last minute and that you've set aside the day and prepared for her, only to be disappointed repeatedly. By the way, this happened to me once -- I was the flaky one. I was at a real low point in my life, had several miscarriages in a row and was really depressed. My friend (who has two great kids I normally loved spending time with) kept asking me to do things, and I just didn't have the energy and would cancel. She finally wrote me and said, "We are good enough friends for me to tell you that I'm very hurt that you keep cancelling." She was totally right and it was a wake-up call to me. I told her that I was just depressed and I want to see her and I never flaked again.

I'm 100% sure the only thing going on with her is she thinks she's the shit. She's happy to hang out with us unless something more exciting comes up. There no way of letting her know how disappointed I am when she's given me valid excuses each time. I know they're lies, but she's not just failing to show up, she's providing these excuses.
She's just not one to care