parenthood, anyone?

[Anonymous]

I'm in my third trimester with my first baby. I've been so consumed by my pregnancy, worrying if I am doing the right things, labor, etc, that I haven't thought about what happens after the baby comes. Of course, I've thought about the immediate stuff like pediatricians, nursing, diapers, etc, but haven't really thought about the different philosphies that are out there about parenthood, and how to handle the stress of it all. Now that the baby is due in a few weeks, it's hitting me like a ton of bricks that soon, I'll be responsible for this creature who relies on me to meet it's every physical and emotional needs. Not to compare dogs and children, but I have a puppy that is a year and a half old, and raising him in itself is challenging. What's it's going to be like having a baby? Does anyone go through this or is it just me?

I know everyone has their own path to parenthood, but what were your biggest fears about being a parent?

[Anonymous]

New mom here. Prior to DS's birth about three months ago, I often wondered - "What in the world am I going to do with a newborn???" It kind of made me nervous. I have always felt very comfortable with kids once they're at the toddler stage, but newborns seemed so daunting and intimidating.

Well, I am here to say that upon DS's arrival, my motherly instinct just sort of took over. From the moment I held him, I felt a sense of calm and that I *could* do this. That was my experience, and I wish for you something similar. I am aware from readings, however, that some new moms take a bit longer to feel connected, etc. If that happens to you, don't worry, I am sure it will all work out (and don't be afraid to seek help).

What I have found from my own limited experience is that all your little one really needs is love. You will figure everything else out - and babies are pretty durable. I also keep in mind that I know hubby and I are going to make mistakes as we figure this parenting thing out, and that's ok. I'm not perfect, he's not perfect - and we're doing the best we can each and every day.

Good luck, OP. Becoming a parent has been perhaps the best experience of my life, along with marrying my hubby.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP. You can do it! I was one of those people that took a little while to "click" with their baby. But, after a few weeks it happens and makes it easier. Until then just keep in mind that most newborns cry for the following reasons (unless your baby has colic, which is a whole different story): hungry, gassy, tired, needs to be changed or needs to be held. Try each one of those things and eventually you'll get to know what your baby wants and provide it more easily without having to try everything.

[Anonymous]

I agree with both of the PP's. I have a 2 year old and #2 is on the way in a few weeks (I'm in need of survival advice for that...)

I read and prepared for #1's arrival, and then after she was born and the put her on my belly, I had an OH CRAP moment. I just gave birth to a HUMAN BABY!!!! She was a "good" baby and it still took me 7 weeks to say out loud "ok, I really think I'll keep her". Of course after that point I realized that I can't live without her. When she was 3 months old an acquaintance who was due in a few months asked me "what do I need to know to take care of the baby?" and I told her, it really is all on-the-job training. Like the PP said about motherly instinct, you do just figure out what to do. I didn't read any "parenting" books, but find that I kind of fall into the "attachment parenting" method just by doing what I think is best. Try not to stress about following this method or that method, just go with your gut and gauge by your and your baby's reaction. Of course you'll read (A LOT) and you'll figure it out. Not very good advice, but advice nonetheless, and I'd like to think I'm a really good mom!

And congratulations!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for sharing your stories and for the useful advice. I guess it can seem overwhelming before the baby comes, too much time to think about it when you're not in the situation. When the baby does come, I guess you do what works for you and hope for the best. Although I'm not a mom yet, I think as women we set unrealistic expectations for ourselves to be the perfect mom, and beat ourselves up when we make mistakes along the way, thinking "have I ruined my child forever?" I don't think men go through the same thing. I guess it's all just an amazing learning experience full of ups and downs, one that I'm looking forward to. Thanks for the words of encouragement!

[Anonymous]

We just went with it.

Before this darn website, I had never even heard of co-sleeping, CIO, Weissbluth, Sears, etc.

We sorta just created our "own" parenting style based on our baby's temperment and our own personal lifestyles (SAHM now).

Just keep in mind that babies change. Newborns CAN be "easy" (relatively speaking) as compared to the sitting up stage, crawler, toddler, pre-Ker, etc. You sorta have to evolve to keep up and you'll find what works best for you. So, yes, there is a lot of trial & error and each stage will have it's challenges.

It's what you make of it so enjoy!