Have you ever dumped someone...

[Anonymous]

... and then been mad at them for moving on with a new relationship? In this case, the ex cheated and left with the other person. They live together now. The dumpee waited a year, got some therapy, met someone new, fell in love, new life together, etc. Ex is now furious. Makes everything as difficult as possible. Ex was not mad or behaving this way when the dumpee was single.

What's that about?

[Anonymous]

I haven't, but it's common. I know of at least four situations like this. One is over a decade old, and the cheating ex wife is still mad when her ex husband starts a new relationship.

I think it speaks to the cheater's overall unhappiness. They think a new love is the cure-all, but it's not. They think the ex was the big problem, and then see the ex happy with someone else. Makes them doubt themselves. They need to work on their own issues. Until then, they will be unhappy with everything around them.

[Anonymous]

It's about stupidity and stubbornness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't, but it's common. I know of at least four situations like this. One is over a decade old, and the cheating ex wife is still mad when her ex husband starts a new relationship.

I think it speaks to the cheater's overall unhappiness. They think a new love is the cure-all, but it's not. They think the ex was the big problem, and then see the ex happy with someone else. Makes them doubt themselves. They need to work on their own issues. Until then, they will be unhappy with everything around them.

So true. This is what I expect from my ex when I find someone. Happiness lies within ourselves. No one can make us happy or unhappy.

[Anonymous]

it's remorse and rather than the cheater (aka dumper) acknowledging he/she was in the wrong, it's easier and (seemingly) safer and definitely more convenient to project hostility on the cheated (aka dumpee).

I speak from experience as my ex-W still feels this way towards me (after 2 years of being divorced) and though she moved on with her cheating partner almost immediately, I took my time, healed properly, and have been in a couple of wonderful relationships. She on the other hand, still carries around some anger or frustration especially when she see DD and I living a thoroughly incredible life (not that she can't provide the same but there are clearly 2 very different home environments).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:... and then been mad at them for moving on with a new relationship? In this case, the ex cheated and left with the other person. They live together now. The dumpee waited a year, got some therapy, met someone new, fell in love, new life together, etc. Ex is now furious. Makes everything as difficult as possible. Ex was not mad or behaving this way when the dumpee was single.

What's that about?

Who gives a [bleep] what its about...tell the dumpee to enjoy their new love/new life and leave it to the ex to stress about the "Why's" and "What's it about" as far as lingering anger issues.

[Anonymous]

When I've dumped someone for good reasons (which they always were), I've occasionally been a little sad if they moved on right away and I didn't, but I know that's a function of me wishing I had someone and not wanting them to be alone forever. I'm facebook friends with a couple of my favorite exes, and I'm thrilled that they have found nice women and started families with them.

Now if someone dumps me and moves on right away, I might be a little bitter about that. I recently ran into the guy who dumped me earlier this year and he was with a woman and they kept talking to me and I just really wanted to get away. She was nice, but I couldn't help feeling like a total loser!

[Anonymous]

"I see narcissists"

[Anonymous]

My brother's ex wife of 13 years still has a cow whenever he starts to date someone new. She has the nerve to tell him he isn't allowed to date until their DD is 18. However she has gotten pregnant by four different men since the divorce. I think my brother has had one serious relationship and that woman ran when she found out how crazy involved his ex is in his life. I blame him he doesn't have the guts to tell her off. I think he is still in love with her deep down and hopes she will come back to him. She just enjoys toying with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I've dumped someone for good reasons (which they always were), I've occasionally been a little sad if they moved on right away and I didn't, but I know that's a function of me wishing I had someone and not wanting them to be alone forever. I'm facebook friends with a couple of my favorite exes, and I'm thrilled that they have found nice women and started families with them.

Now if someone dumps me and moves on right away, I might be a little bitter about that. I recently ran into the guy who dumped me earlier this year and he was with a woman and they kept talking to me and I just really wanted to get away. She was nice, but I couldn't help feeling like a total loser!

you are a total loser

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I've dumped someone for good reasons (which they always were), I've occasionally been a little sad if they moved on right away and I didn't, but I know that's a function of me wishing I had someone and not wanting them to be alone forever. I'm facebook friends with a couple of my favorite exes, and I'm thrilled that they have found nice women and started families with them.

Now if someone dumps me and moves on right away, I might be a little bitter about that. I recently ran into the guy who dumped me earlier this year and he was with a woman and they kept talking to me and I just really wanted to get away. She was nice, but I couldn't help feeling like a total loser!

you are a total loser

No she's not. She's not digging someone on the internet for no reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who gives a [bleep] what its about...tell the dumpee to enjoy their new love/new life and leave it to the ex to stress about the "Why's" and "What's it about" as far as lingering anger issues.

OP here. It matters because the cheating ex and the dumpee have familial and business connections that can't be severed. It's in everyone's best interest to cooperate, but the cheating ex seems intent on destroying the dumpee, even if it means taking everyone else down too. It's emotionally and financially painful for a lot of people.

Thanks, other pps, for the insights. You've raised a lot of excellent points.

[Anonymous]

So if the cheating ex is dead-set on ruining the dumpee then I still don't see what difference it makes as to WHY - who gives a [bleep] why, somebody's out to get you; you gonna spend hours upon hours pondering the possibilities of why or you gonna do something about it?

[Anonymous]

Do they have kids? My ex's could be dead. I wouldn't know.

[Anonymous]

23:35 - because total winners go on anonymous websites to call other people losers?

good lord. Have fun tonight with your Ben & Jerry's and Lifetime movie while I'm out partying.