broken family relationships - how can i change it?

[Anonymous]

I have a love/hate relationship with my sister. She was mean-spirited, selfish, and vindicative when we were kids, and 30+ years later, not much has changed. I cut her off months ago because I got fed up with her toxicity and didn't want it arouind my two DDs. She is not allowed around my kids at all, and I don't miss her.

Here's the problem... our parents. Despite repeated warnings from me, they've been inserting themselves into our fights for years -- since we've become adults. They refuse to acknowledge that sister has deep-seated issues, for which she needs serious help. They are completely oblivious to her nastiness, even though she's instigated a ton of conflict in our family and have bled them dry for what little money they had. My parents have been incredibly short-sighted about the long-standing issues between my sister and me. They want us to get along, regardless of the cost to my sanity. I think it's sad that they allow her to use them too, but I don't involve myself in that. I just want to have a relationship with my parents separate from sister. Unfortunately, my parents are now angry at me for my decision. I'm not sure what to do. Any advice, DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Let your parents be angry at you. I'm a big fan of reverse psychology with my mom. "Don't you have confidence in your parenting? Don't you think you raised me to make good decisions and to judge people fairly, to balance between giving a second chance and not getting walked all over? Well, I listened to everything you taught me, and made a decision. You don't have to agree with my decision, but you do have to respect it. I'm sorry that my decision hurts your feelings."

[Anonymous]

PP gave great advice. Let you sister be angry. Your parents need to accept your decision.

Kudos to you, OP, for making a difficult decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP gave great advice. Let you sister be angry. Your parents need to accept your decision.

Kudos to you, OP, for making a difficult decision.

This is really hard to do. My parents are in their late 70's and it really hurts them. You think they would be more hurt that my sister is a cheap bitch.

We fake it.

[Anonymous]

Hang in there, OP!

[Anonymous]

i cut my sister off once as well. my parentd were angry and tried to get involved but i held my ground. my sister and i worked it out in a sense. enough to at least that i can fake it and recognize she is never someone i will trust or rely on. i can see why parents just want everyone to get along and want to get involved but you need to do what works best for you. listen to pp. dont engage the conversation with your parents.

[Anonymous]

Everyone needs to sit down and air their grievances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP gave great advice. Let you sister be angry. Your parents need to accept your decision.

Kudos to you, OP, for making a difficult decision.

This is really hard to do. My parents are in their late 70's and it really hurts them. You think they would be more hurt that my sister is a cheap bitch.

We fake it.

+1. I'm in a similar situation. I HATE being the bigger person and it takes a toll on me emotionally. However, once you have cut yourself off emotionally from a vapid person, I find that sarcasm comes easier. IE Sister says I think you have gained weight. Answer- Thanks for noticing - Personally, I love the fuller figure look. Sometimes you can say the meanest things back sarcastically.

[Anonymous]

I could have written your post. I cut my sister off about 5 yrs ago. My mom gave me a bad time about it until my sister turned on her since I was no longer a willing recipient. She gets it now.