The relative you have selected as guardian

[Anonymous]

Do you think it's important for your children to have a relationship or at least know the person who will take them if you and the other parent died?

I ask because my options are very limited. The person I chose is ready and willing but lives across the country and is a stranger to my kids. Of course the will is a "just in case" and I plan on living a long time and raising my children! As slim as the chances are, how
much importance would you place on the kids knowing the relative who they could end up with?

[Anonymous]

This is easily remedied. Make some trips out there and build a relationship. If you are unwilling to do that, I think you should choose another guardian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is easily remedied. Make some trips out there and build a relationship. If you are unwilling to do that, I think you should choose another guardian.

Definitely not what I asked.

[Anonymous]

I think the pp was clear that a relationship with the guardian is important. You just don't like the answer.

I happen to agree. We only considered guardians with whom our kids are very close. We then considered which of those people were the most emotionally stable. That second question actually eliminated most of our immediate families. With two solid choices, one a cousin and the other a close friend, we then chose based on the effect suddenly having three more children would have on that person's life. We chose our closest friend, with the cousin as a back-up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the pp was clear that a relationship with the guardian is important. You just don't like the answer.

I happen to agree. We only considered guardians with whom our kids are very close. We then considered which of those people were the most emotionally stable. That second question actually eliminated most of our immediate families. With two solid choices, one a cousin and the other a close friend, we then chose based on the effect suddenly having three more children would have on that person's life. We chose our closest friend, with the cousin as a back-up.

It is wise to have a back-up (or two). Guardians can always decline or have their circumstances change.

[Anonymous]

Oh my god, INCREDIBLY important! I would NEVER ship my kids off to a foreign country to live within a different culture and with people who are strangers to them after I died! They would be going through way too much trauma to have their world turned upside down and be ripped away from EVERYTHING familiar to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh my god, INCREDIBLY important! I would NEVER ship my kids off to a foreign country to live within a different culture and with people who are strangers to them after I died! They would be going through way too much trauma to have their world turned upside down and be ripped away from EVERYTHING familiar to them.

The west coast isn't really a foreign country.

[Anonymous]

Personally I think it's critical. The complete trauma of losing your parents, coupled with moving to a strange city with someone who is essentially a stranger pretty much guarantees an awful aftermath.

If this is the person you absolutely know would be the best person to raise your child, both of you need to put the effort into building a relationship with your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is easily remedied. Make some trips out there and build a relationship. If you are unwilling to do that, I think you should choose another guardian.

Definitely not what I asked.

That was a good common sense answer. I'm not sure what you have an issue with. What answer are you looking for?

[Anonymous]

Helpful but not necessary. I think it is far more important to select the best possible caregiver and if that person doesn't know your children well, that's OK. In our case, our options also are limited (ok, we have lots of siblings, but not lots of options). I have a very near and dear friend who would make the best, most amazing guardian for our children. She is loving and kind. She sees our kids once a year, but certainly doesn't know them nearly as well as aunts/uncles, but that is OK with me. We do have a family member as the first guardian and my friend is our back-up, but I have been thinking about switching to my friend.

Hope that helps.

[Anonymous]

PP Here. We also have a transition plan. E.g., if something happens near the end of the school year can we have friends/family move in to keep things familiar for a while.

[Anonymous]

We have no family members who are suitable. We have some close friends who are very close to our daughters but have chosen not to have children of their own. They would be the best overall choice except that taking in our children would put their life on a path they themselves did not choose, so we still would need a backup since they might decline. And then we're back at no suitable candidates in our families. I try not to think about it, although I know we need to have a plan in place.

[Anonymous]

We chose friends as our immediate relatives were not suitable. Friends lived several states away so we made a point of visiting every year. Really important for the kid to have a relationship with guardians.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Helpful but not necessary. I think it is far more important to select the best possible caregiver and if that person doesn't know your children well, that's OK. In our case, our options also are limited (ok, we have lots of siblings, but not lots of options). I have a very near and dear friend who would make the best, most amazing guardian for our children. She is loving and kind. She sees our kids once a year, but certainly doesn't know them nearly as well as aunts/uncles, but that is OK with me. We do have a family member as the first guardian and my friend is our back-up, but I have been thinking about switching to my friend.

Hope that helps.

But if your kids don't know her, and she doesn't know them, her ability to care for them the way you would like is diminished.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh my god, INCREDIBLY important! I would NEVER ship my kids off to a foreign country to live within a different culture and with people who are strangers to them after I died! They would be going through way too much trauma to have their world turned upside down and be ripped away from EVERYTHING familiar to them.

The west coast isn't really a foreign country.

lol