At what point do you stop trying?
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Anonymous
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Family member has flaked out on plans 3 times now. First time we played phone tag for no more than 15 mins after I had waited around all day for her to call and say she was home from work. The excuse was "I had things to do." Next time she cancelled a day prior saying the person who was going to check in on her cats could no longer do it. Third time canceled about 30 mins before she would have needed to be on the road saying she was sick (I highly doubt she planned on coming).
Lame excuses, all most likely fabricated. I'm not naive enough to ignore the fact that she's just not that into me, but I had still hoped the kids could have a relationship with this relative because they have so few. Each time this happens, I have cleared our schedule for her. If I'm planning on hosting, I cook, shop, clean, organize etc. in preparation. This is so incredibly rude and I've really had enough of the BS. But I'm trying to put my emotions aside and do what's best for the kids. The mind fucking part is that she excitedly accepts invites but then doesn't follow through. So do I stop trying or keep giving her the benefit of the doubt ? |
Anonymous
| Could it be that she doesn't want to drive to you? |
Anonymous
| I'm guessing that you are initiating these invitations and calls. I'd back off and let her set something up when she is available. |
Anonymous
It's possible but the first time we drove to her and were supposed to meet at a restaurant near her. And we're happy to drive but she never extends the invite, it's always me trying to initiate. |
Anonymous
+1 I would also straight out tell her that you are disappointed after these three attempts and perhaps it would be better if she set something up when she is available. Then leave it at that. |
Anonymous
| Well clearly I do need to just back off. It's been over a year since they've seen her. She's just not interested and will not ever initiate anything. |
Anonymous
Then there's your answer. Just let it go. |
Anonymous
| The weird thing is she's obsessed with my kids in other ways. She brags about them and shows everyone their picture. For Christmas she had calendars and mugs with their pictures made up to give out to the relatives. Yet, she's not interested in having a relationship with them? |
Anonymous
| My family members did this to me. I would make awesome plans to do something I know they enjoy. I would check dates, times, activities, etc. and they would enthusiastically agree to come and then they would flake out at the last minute. I stopped making plans. I let them do the planning now. One of them is my mom so if she doesn't make plans, she doesn't see her grandchild. |
Anonymous
This sounds like my mother. She likes the idea of having grandchildren (e.g., bragging about them, sending out their photos) more than actually interacting or spending time with them. |
Anonymous
From now on, stop sharing pictures. If she asks, just say you'd be happy to take some when she visits. |
Anonymous
That seems kind of passive aggressive |
Anonymous
| This woman may drink or have an eating disorder. |
Anonymous
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Of COURSE you stop trying. Don't worry about your kids having a relationship with family or having only a few relatives. I grew up with ZERO aunts, uncles or cousins or grandparents around. It really was just me and my parents. I'm perfectly happy and well-rounded. Some of my friends are people I've known since I was 2 and all the spouses are friends. We'd give each other the shirts off our backs without hesitation.
Family is who you make it. |
Anonymous
Nah. Passive aggressive would be telling her "Sure," and then continuously "forgetting" to send them. |