What would you do?

[Anonymous]

Father in law moved nearby several years ago to a 3 bedroom house. We have a larger 5 bedroom house. We had discussed how nice the situation would be as FIL could invite family over and we could host overflow guests since our house was bigger. This was pre kids and when I WOH.
Since then, FIL converted 1 of his bedrooms in to an office leaving him with his bedroom and 1 guest room. I now WAH from our home office and we have 2 kids. Due to the economy, positions at my company are under scrutiny and those that under perform are let go so my home work environment must remain conducive to work.
FlL recently invited SIL, BIL, and their 2 sons out for a 1 week visit with the expectation that they would stay at our house.
DD will be 4 months at the time of the visit and may not yet sleep through the night. DS is 2 and still wakes up at night and has been waking up when the baby cries. I will just have come off an unpaid maternity leave (which we saved for) but money will still be a bit tight. We will not have accrued much leave time for the New year yet and I am hesitant to take vacation so close to returning from maternity leave to host guests.
I am concerned that due to finances, job stressors, and the kids not sleeping through the night that hosting a family of 4 with 2 young kids for a week may be too much. DH agrees and told FIL and SIL.
Were we reasonable in saying No? It's probably one more thing FIL will hold against me. FIL has decided he will host them at his house with just the one guest room. The kids will sleep on the floor in the living room on floor pillows.

[Anonymous]

I think your position is perfectly reasonable, and I think your FIL has enough room to host his own family comfortably. He can use his office as well. It's really up to him to host his own guests, particularly when you have two children who don't sleep through the night, not a comfortable situation for guests. He should have checked with you and vetted the situation before inviting them. They can also stay at a motel.

I think you should also make every effort to interact -- having everyone over for brunch, dinner, etc. and lending sleeping bags.

In short, you are fine.

[Anonymous]

Of course you were reasonable! I'm sure, secretly, your visiting ILs were relieved! It's hard on everyone when there's a little baby around and a toddler that gets up with the baby. Those kids will be fine sleeping on the floor. That's how we did it growing up. No one ever had enough beds for visitors coming with kids. The adults got the beds and the kids got the floor!

[Anonymous]

If FIL invited them to stay at YOUR house he is nutso.

[Anonymous]

Plus why is his office off limits for sleeping?

[Anonymous]

Totally reasonable.

[Anonymous]

reasonable. your house, your rules. maybe talk with FIL and explain how "things have changed" since the original situation since it isnt obvious to him

[Anonymous]

Totally reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Plus why is his office off limits for sleeping?

No bed or couch in there anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Plus why is his office off limits for sleeping?

No bed or couch in there anymore.

No space for air mattress??

What about your needs for working at home given your job situation?

[Anonymous]

Honestly, doesn't sound like you want the guests even if you weren't working at home. It is just bad timing for your family. Husband needs to just tell FIL and/or other families (if he's been contacted) that you aren't able to host overnight guests this year.

No explanation is needed. If you want to throw something out there, just say "With 2 kids under 2, we wouldn't want to expose you all to the insanity."

[Anonymous]

You did the right thing. Take it from me, I pay dearly now because I tried to be accomodating. Specifically, when we had more guests that our guestroom would accomodate, I would uproot our youngest (he has a double bed in his room) and let him sleep in our room. Our DS didn't mind a bit, but you know what, then it would take days to get him back to sleeping in his own bed. Days. Days of fighting, hard time falling asleep, etc. He is now four and he is still a terrible sleeper, and I've drawn the line. My in-laws don't get it, and it is a constant struggle. I should have put my foot down from day 1.