Wife concerns (again)
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Anonymous
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I've written other DCUM forums about difficulties with my wife. She diagnoses as being bi-polar after the birth of our second daughter. She's been on medication - but voluntarily gets off the meds periodically when she "forgets" or feels like she doesn't need them. She spends most of the day sleeping. Stays at home to "look after the girls" - but is usually asleep. My 9 and 6 year old usually make their own breakfast or dinner when I'm not around.
I've had conversations and arguments with my wife. We've been to joint counseling sessions and continue to go once a week. How it's to no avail - my wife either tired or angry. Recently - over the past two weeks - she's made some strange/scary comments. Last week she said she "hates her family" - referring to me and our two daughters. The following day she said, "I hate 3 o'clock because the girls come home". Today she called our oldest daughter a "bitch" and said "some times she feels like beating her up." I've always excused my wife's' actions as a fall-out from depression. I've attempted for the past 6 years to shelter my girls from her actions, outbursts and crashes. As far as our friends and familes know, we have a perfect house with a perfect marriage. However, I'm starting to fear for the long term mental well being of my girls and, as of the past to weeks, I'm starting to fear for their safety. Am I going overboard or are my concerns warranted? |
Anonymous
| Get her better treatment. The meds could be causing the sleep issues. |
Anonymous
| Can you go overboard with the well-being of your kids? |
Anonymous
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OP-read this thread, especially the ones where the poster writes how they wished their other parent would have done more to protect them.
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/350687.page#4448013 We have a 12 and 8 year old. Rest assured, if my wife called either kid a "bitch" and said she felt like bearing either one up, I'd be out of there that evening. |
Anonymous
| ^^^^beating^^* |
Anonymous
| I posted in your other thread in Family. The holidays are very hard for the bipolar and you need to take the threat seriously. Call the pediatrician if you need to because they are mandated reporters. |
Anonymous
Umm, no. Do not do this. The father needs to get out of the house with the girls, not have someone else remove them and possibly charge HIM with neglect. |
Anonymous
| Dump the wife with her family before she hurts your children further.Tell them you can't handle her, you have kids to raise.6 years is a long time to put up with it. |
Anonymous
| You need to think of your kids. Call her psychiatrist and explain what she said. Document what she says. Set up aftercare and beforecare for the girls. Do not leave them alone with your wife. I wouldn't advise just leaving. Could your wife accuse you of kidnapping the girls? Talk to a lawyer about the case before physically leaving. Basically, act like a single parent until you can prepare an exit strategy. |
Anonymous
+1 Don't leave your wife alone with the kids. This will also demonstrate to her that you take her words very seriously. Do call the psychiatrist or therapist for advice and consult with a lawyer to talk through the situation. |
Anonymous
| Agree your first step should be ensuring your kids are safe emotionally and physically BUT why do you resent her for being tired? That is a common side effect of mental health meds (esp bipolar and schizophrenia) that leads people to stop taking them. She isn't sleeping because she's lazy, she legitimately can't wake up properly. Clearly her doctor needs to try some new medication. |
Anonymous
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Consult a lawyer and document everything in the meantime.
Her job, right now, might be to get well -- even having her be a mother might be too much for her to handle. My usual advice of delaying so you can document everything properly might not work as there have been actual threats made against your older DD. |
Anonymous
| "The Perfect Family" strategy is so dangerous. It almost got me killed as a kid, because no one could wrap their minds around the fact that my mother was having a psychotic episode. You need a support system for yourself and for your kids, and it doesn't sound like you have one. It's time to come out of the closet. Do not leave your kids alone with your wife. Send them to relatives on 12/26 for a least a week. Call a lawyer. Do everything in your power to convince your wife to get intensive treatment. Talk to your lawyer. |
Anonymous
| my experience is that it is better to have cancer of something like that than mental illness, because in the first case you get the sympathy and support of everybody, while mental ilness is so hard on families that eventually even people who love you resent you. also a material inless is something physical that is there, while a mentally ill person looks normal and sometimes others tend to attribute bad behaviors to teh person instead of to the illness. so I feel for your wife, since all she is doing (spending her day in bed, not taking medications, beign aggressive) is a result of her illness. At the same time, I feel for your and your daughters because your life must be hell. also, I absolutely agree with others, do not ever leave your kids alone with her. even before the threats, she is clearly not able to care for them (the fact that they have to make their own meals is telling). have before and after school care for them, or get a live in nanny if you can afford it. especially now, it is a crisis situation. you should call her doctor and report what happened. oyu may not be able to save your wife, but at least you need to protect your children |