Concerned about wife's manic depressive comments

[Anonymous]

I've written other DCUM forums about difficulties with my wife. She diagnoses as being bi-polar after the birth of our second daughter. She's been on medication - but voluntarily gets off the meds periodically when she "forgets" or feels like she doesn't need them. She spends most of the day sleeping. Stays at home to "look after the girls" - but is usually asleep. My 9 and 6 year old usually make their own breakfast or dinner when I'm not around.

I've had conversations and arguments with my wife. We've been to joint counseling sessions and continue to go once a week. How it's to no avail - my wife either tired or angry. Recently - over the past two weeks - she's made some strange/scary comments. Last week she said she "hates her family" - referring to me and our two daughters. The following day she said, "I hate 3 o'clock because the girls come home". Today she called our oldest daughter a "bitch" and said "some times she feels like beating her up."

I've always excused my wife's' actions as a fall-out from depression. I've attempted for the past 6 years to shelter my girls from her actions, outbursts and crashes. As far as our friends and familes know, we have a perfect house with a perfect marriage. However, I'm starting to fear for the long term mental well being of my girls and, as of the past to weeks, I'm starting to fear for their safety. Am I going overboard or are my concerns warranted?

[Anonymous]

Double post?

[Anonymous]

Time to talk to her about hospitalization? The holidays are very hard for the bipolar. The comment about wanting to beat your daughter up is frightening and you need to protect her. Go as far as you need to go. Contact your pediatrician too if necessary.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a friend of mine. He's separated from his wife. He had her checked involuntarily into a mental facility after she threated him with a knife in the kitchen. It's been a few years and they are going through a rough divorce now.

[Anonymous]

You should call nami or an experienced therapist to discuss the best way to handle this, both for you and the kids. Good luck. It has to be rough to deal with.

[Anonymous]

You need to take this seriously as a threat.

My BIL ignored his son's threats of suicide to disastrous effect.

I'm not sure of the exact procedure, though, maybe other PPs could enlighten you. Take her to the hospital? You could call a bipolar hotline, or a domestic violence hotline?

Good luck. It's tough. My FIL has bipolar disorder but he has never refused to take his meds. He is non-functional a lot of the times, but never violent, and his wife had to raise their 4 kids for a large part on her own.

[Anonymous]

Get rid of her. I'm pretty sure my mother is bi-polar or I suppose she just might be a nasty bitch but I wish my father had divorced her and raised us himself. You are complicit in the verbal abuse of your daughters by standing by and it will damage them for life.

[Anonymous]

I'm starting to fear for the long term mental well being of my girls and, as of the past to weeks, I'm starting to fear for their safety. Am I going overboard or are my concerns warranted?

You should fear for the mental and physical health of your children.

My DH suffers from depression and I understand all about choosing not to take medication. I also know the impact of living with the untreated mentally ill both as a child and as a spouse. You have long past the time in which you needed to issue an ultimatum to your wife that she either take the medication consistently or you take the kids and leave. Because you've been living like this for so long, you've lost sight of what is reasonable and what is threatening. I'm glad you posted here because I'm sure there will be a huge chorus of posters telling you that you are not over-reacting and you need to immediately take steps to protect your DDs mentally and physically.

I'm sorry. I know how difficult this is.

[Anonymous]

What are you waiting for? Are we going to see your wife's family on the news, saying what a wonderful person she was and how they had no clue that she would------?
If she's that threatening and scary In your hearing, imagine what she's like when you're not around.
Protect your children now. I mean today. Take them to a relatives' house and take wife to the emergency room. They'll keep her if they think she's a danger to herself or others. Don't let her self report her issues to the medical staff. Crazies never report their mental health history. You tell them yourself. I have a feeling you won't listen to people telling you to protect your children though. Apparently you are still with her even after all the adice of "get out!" You received before.

[Anonymous]

She desperately needs help. Have her hospitalized, she has to get back on her meds before she causes these girls permanent emotional damage.

[Anonymous]

Your poor sweet girls. Please put them first and take the advice given here. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

All of you saying just take her to the ER or hospitalize her obviously have no experience with the mental health system. There is really nothing OP can do unless his DW starts running around with weapons or is suicidal. The person with mental illness has a right not to take her meds in our medical system. OP can choose to leave, but I agree with PP and would first try contacting NAMI to see if they have ideas.

I also grew up with a parent with mental illness and it is horrible. Kids don't understand that it is a disease. They just understand mom is scary and won't take care of them.

[Anonymous]

Next time she states that she wants to beat up your 9 yo or does anything to make you question the safety of your family, call 911 and have the police take her to the ED. The ED docs may not commit her to the psych ward against her will, but you never know.

It's your job to protect your kids. You're not doing your kids any favors by raising them with such an unstable person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of you saying just take her to the ER or hospitalize her obviously have no experience with the mental health system. There is really nothing OP can do unless his DW starts running around with weapons or is suicidal. The person with mental illness has a right not to take her meds in our medical system.

You don't have to run around with weapons to be a danger to others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've written other DCUM forums about difficulties with my wife. She diagnoses as being bi-polar after the birth of our second daughter. She's been on medication - but voluntarily gets off the meds periodically when she "forgets" or feels like she doesn't need them. She spends most of the day sleeping. Stays at home to "look after the girls" - but is usually asleep. My 9 and 6 year old usually make their own breakfast or dinner when I'm not around.

I've had conversations and arguments with my wife. We've been to joint counseling sessions and continue to go once a week. How it's to no avail - my wife either tired or angry. Recently - over the past two weeks - she's made some strange/scary comments. Last week she said she "hates her family" - referring to me and our two daughters. The following day she said, "I hate 3 o'clock because the girls come home". Today she called our oldest daughter a "bitch" and said "some times she feels like beating her up."

I've always excused my wife's' actions as a fall-out from depression. I've attempted for the past 6 years to shelter my girls from her actions, outbursts and crashes. As far as our friends and familes know, we have a perfect house with a perfect marriage. However, I'm starting to fear for the long term mental well being of my girls and, as of the past to weeks, I'm starting to fear for their safety. Am I going overboard or are my concerns warranted?

OP I have seen your posts before. I have to say it seems like a mistake to not have reached out to ANY family and friends. You have turned to strangers to give perspective and then not heeded it. What are you waiting for, exactly? PLEASE do SOMETHING here. If you are worried, and it sounds like you should be, HOW IS DELAY SERVING YOUR FAMILY?