HELP! 3.5 month old who won't nap & doesn't sleep well at night .... crying ... all the time

[Anonymous]

EBF 3.5 month old colicky baby (who we love dearly) naps for 30 minutes (max 45 in bouncy chair) between each feeding (approximately 3 hours between feedings during the day). Usually we have a major crying spell ALSO between feedings. DS cries for 10-45 minutes while DH attempts to calm him down for bed (anytime between 9:30 pm and 11 pm). Sometimes we get 6 hours between feedings at night but sometimes he's up every 3 hours and sometimes he's up every TWO. Note: if we get 6 hours, guarunteed he's up every 3 hours after that. I know he's overtired; I can't figure out how to fix it.

Recommendations on things to do/books to follow/thoughts on schedule/promises that it will improve for current SAHM?

We've tried:
(1) putting him in crib to nap (blinds/lights/humidifier running) and that results in 45 minutes of screaming. We don't let him CIO (10 minutes is the most he goes but usually more like 4-5 before I pick him up).
(2) swing -- took it for about 4 weeks and now rejects.

DS is healthy otherwise, gaining weight normally, etc. DS has never slept well. HELP... about to lose it. Any suggestions. Four month checkup coming up but need help to get there.

[Anonymous]

I really feel for you, this sounds exhausting! First of all, I think it is pretty normal for 3.5 mo-old babies to take cat naps. My baby who is not a great sleeper but not a horrible one one either didn't start napping for an hour until at least 6 or 7 months. Then, I think, unfortunately, they are kids who are good sleepers and those who are bad sleepers, no matter what "the books" say. So you just have to accept what you have and adjust accordingly (if you don't want to do CIO--we couldn't do it with our #1 who was a horrible sleeper). Have you tried carrying your baby in a sling? While it is not ideal to get him used to falling asleep on you, it sure beats 45-minute screaming sessions, I think. Also, it seems to me that you're putting him to bed way too late ((:30)-- try getting him to bed between 6:30 and 7.
Book that are helpful, each in their own way: weissbluth, although I fond him in some way infuriating and hard to follow, but he has some interesting things to say about sleep and schedule; Kim West, the shuffle lady; and Elizabteh Pantley, The no-cry sleep solution. Although I can't say that any of them "solved" the sleep problem (my now one-year old decided she doesn't want to fall asleep on her any more--something she did for months. Go figure), it was still useful to read them. Anyhow, good luck to you, and remember--that too shall pass and your baby will grow out of it even if it takes a few months.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he might have reflux. Keep a journal of feeding times and how long after he starts crying and length of crying jags. Make appt. w/ ped if you start to suspect--it started for my son around 3.5-4 mos.
Also, does he start crying when you put him on his back?
Try having him sleep in his car seat so that he is laying on an incline. Know many kids who slept in their carseats until 5-6 months. Also, my son was on reflux medicine from about 4 mos to 18 mos. it makes a tremendous difference and a much happier baby. good luck.

[Anonymous]

23:39 here. also if crying persists, ask pediatrician when you would need to see a gastroenterologist. G'town hospital has great ones--Dr. Pluta is great, but has a tight schedule--if you think reflux is it and you want to see a gastro, you may have to play the "crazy mommy" role to get in quicker--it got me an appt. in 4 days as opposed to two weeks and my son got his medicine faster.

[Anonymous]

23:39 again--it's all coming back to me now. We did smaller feedings more frequently throughout the day. When we fed him, we kept him as upright as possible and kept him upright for at least 30 after feeding. He slept in carseat until at least 6 mos old. (as he got older it got worse w/ horrendous projectile vomiting.) i think he was on previcid? for GERD. grew out of it around 18 mos.

[Anonymous]

Our baby was like this also and diagnosed with reflux. Are you swaddling and using white noise? Sorry if someone up thread already mentioned but the Happiest Baby techniques are great, even if your baby is a little old for them they might be worth trying. We worked with a doula named Pam Ferinde who specialized in colicky/reflux babies and she was a tremendous help. I think if you google her you will find her website. Your baby is still young for the sleep specialists but Pam will work with young babies and is able to help you implement the Happiest Baby techniques. Good luck!!!

[Anonymous]

There is hope that it can get better so hang in there. My 2 year old started off as a terrible sleeper but at 2 he is now pretty good.

My story - We started off by nursing to sleep which would sort of work to put him to sleep, but as soon as I moved a half inch he would wake up. Since we could not nurse lying down (he had reflux) and we did not have a comfortable chair for nursing the whole nursing to sleep thing lasted only the first 3 weeks until I was too exhausted to take it any more. Then we moved on to a sleeping technique where we swaddled, used sling and paced, and hairdryer on for white noise in order to put him to sleep for the next 3 months. It would take 15-20 minutes of crying which was muffled by the hairdryer, but since we were pacing and he was in sling I still felt like I was conmforting him. Once asleep he would either snooze still in sling on me and once in a while I could put him down onto crib but we would typically only get about 30-45 stretches. Then he outgrew the sling and swaddle so I would lay him down in the crib and rub his head. He would cry - at the beginning for up to 15 minutes and I would shush. but eventually he got the hang of it 9about 3 weeks) and around 6 months was able to fall asleep on his own w/no crying. We bought a CD of hairdryer sound (from whitenoise.com) and for naps he would sleep as long as the CD would play (1 hour). For bedtime, we did an early bedtime of 7 and established a whole night routine w/bath etc around 4 months. At night we would have just a fan on and he would sleep for about 5 hours initially and then up every 2 hours until 9 months when we did do CIO. CIO worked pretty well for us - just 3 nights and longest crying stretch was 35 minutes on night #2. He then woke up very early (5am) from 9-15 months, but around 15 months on has done pretty well (he usually sleeps until 6 and even sometimes 7 and once in a blue moon 7:30).

Now we also have babies 2&3 (twins) - I knew I needed a better solution sleepwise for them. We swaddled and lay them in crib to sleep from the beginning. Sometimes they would cry a bit but never more than 5 minutes (so less crying than the whole sling/swaddle/hairdryer thing we use to do). After first 3 months, no crying and they are "good" sleepers.

I'm not sure any of this helps you, but I did want you to know that babies who are not naturally good sleepers CAN become good sleepers. In my experience it does take effort and crying, but to me, it is worth it in the longer run.

[Anonymous]

Best of luck. My son was a lot like your baby at this age - still tons of crying, terrible sleeper - and it did get better. We used some of the happiest baby techniques (though my son hated the swaddle), got him on reflux meds that seemed to help quite a bit, but mostly we just had to wait out that stage. If the swing's stopped working for you, maybe your baby could sleep a bit in a bouncy seat? Or you could try the swing again in a few days since babies go in and out of what's acceptable fairly quickly. It really will get better - for us, a bit better at 4 months, and then a bit more at 6, and then HUGE improvement at 10 months (by which point we were truly zombies). At 2 now, he's a pretty good sleeper (still not great - but hey, we're ecstatic compared to where it started). Good luck - take breaks as much as you can - check with pediatrician about reflux - check with lactation consultant (Pat Shelley) for some good colic tips - and know it would get better!

[Anonymous]

Definitely look into reflux but also another recommendation for Weissbluth. It may be that you are right and the baby is overtired. Weissbluth says babies at that age shouldn't be awake for more than two hours during the day. Once the baby wakes up, the clock starts, and before it hits two hours that baby should be back in the crib/bouncy seat/swing/whatever (although Weissbluth really says only the crib, but screw that!). I followed this with DD1 and it worked like a charm. With DD2 I didn't follow it as closely (couldn't, had DD1's schedule to follow, too!) and it didn't work as well (probably because of that!).

Also, on the 6 hour and then 3 hour thing, that's the way they work at this age. It really sucks, but that 6 hours is considered sleeping through the night and usually they can only do one stretch of that. That stretch should lengthen soon.

You also didn't mention whether you BF or use formula. If BF, talk to a lactation consultant, there may be something you can do to help with the fussiness, whether that be a change in diet or possibly you have something like a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance or oversupply which can cause gas/fussiness. If formula, maybe try another formula, like Good Start. Also what bottles do you use? Dr. Brown's bottles really help with reflux/colic/gas although they are a PITA to clean. They have new BPA-free plastic ones as well as glass if that is an issue.

Good luck!!!

[Anonymous]

10:54 here, sorry, missed the EBF part!!! Talk to an LC!