Would you be upset?
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Anonymous
| My husband is upset with me because I mentioned at the dinner table yesterday that I had heard from my sister earlier in the day that there may be some snow on our travel day over the holidays. I explained that, if the weather was bad, we could leave on the 27th instead of the 26th. My husband is upset because he thinks I should have told him before mentioning it at the dinner table. Just wondering- would this upset you? For some context, my husband was repeatedly asking since October for definitive plans for this x-mas. In early December, we made final plans. My husband feels that I was not sensitive to his concerns about how we would spend the holiday. |
Anonymous
| Huh? Was the dinner table shared by your boss or something? Sounds like your husband doesn't like change |
Anonymous
| It was the two of us and our children. |
Anonymous
| Is he worried the kids are going to pester y'all to stay an extra day now? I do get mad at dh when he says things in front of the kids that aren't confirmed yet, because they'll go on and on and on looking for something that ends up not happening. |
Anonymous
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The only guy who reacted like this to me when I suggested extending a trip by a day was cheating on me and had made special plans with 'her' the next day.
No, I would not be upset if you made this suggestion as it sounds like a reasonable change to travel plans. Yes, I would be annoyed if I were you that he came down on you so hard for such a m or issue. |
Anonymous
| Not sure. This begs for more context. It depends. Could you have mentioned it to him earlier? Sounds like dh wants to have a clear sense of how you'll spend your time at the in-laws. |
Anonymous
| We would not spend an additional day with my family if we go one day later. The end date would not change- unless weather was somehow a factor then. I don't think this is about another woman... I also don't think my husband is concerned about what we do once we are there. His concern is more about why I had not mentioned it earlier in the day. We have altered plans before based on the weather, so I didn't think to mention it earlier. I really was trying to set expectations for the kids so they would not be disappointed if we were delayed a day. |
Anonymous
| It does sound As if he has some other plans scheduled around this somehow. Maybe I'm just paranoid... |
Anonymous
| I don't get it. Are you supposed to preview dinner conversation? When? How? |
Anonymous
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Go re-read your post OP. He is still annoyed that he had to wait 2 months for you to nail down plans. You bringing up this change just reminded him of that. My guess is that he is a Type A controlling planner, and you're more of a laissez-faire go-with-the-flow kinda gal. It's not a big deal to you to change your plans.
So no, the dinner comment by itself was not worthy of being upset. His response speaks to a bigger rift between how you two communicate and make plans. |
Anonymous
Makes no sense - they would be going a day later than planned and returning home the same day as previously planned - so I don't get the whole affair concern. |
Anonymous
OP doesn't indicate if the proposed date change is on the way out or the way home, just that it is a travel day. |
Anonymous
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I sat down at the computer and my wife had left this page open. This is an easy one, so I feel compelled to respond . . .
He is pissed because you won't make up your mind about the trip and tell him what you want to do. The weather element is the last straw. He has been asking you about this trip since October and just wants to understand what your expectations are and what you want to do so he can plan accordingly. Plus, men don't give a shit about weather and certainly won't admit that it could stop us from doing what we plan (i.e. USPS, Santa Clause and the NFL not having a inclement weather plan for anything other than lightening). You said the plans were finalized in early December, but they don't sound final if weather is going to change them. If your family is involved and perhaps he doesn't enjoy their company, he wants to know down to the second, how much time he needs to spend with them. He needs to get his mind right so that he doesn't ruin Christmas by yelling at your mother. You could have mentioned the possible change during dinner, oral sex, or even while he is being handed one of those giant lottery checks. It is going to piss him off because the plan changed. Mentioning your sister as the source of the weather concern only added insult to injury. Chances are he thinks she should mind her own business, or you should not reference her as the source of information for changes of plan that were thought of as 'final'. |
Anonymous
This. In isolation, no, getting angry about you not telling him before dinner is kind of ridiculous. It's reasonable to make a suggestion like that casually the next time you see him after talking to your sister. However, if this is in the context of a history of being flaky - either you or your family (or you as an extension of your family) - and by flaky, I mean an unwillingness to make and commit to specific plans - then sure, this is probably setting him off - justifiably so - because it's part of a larger pattern. Some people use flakiness and constantly changing plans as a form of controlling behavior: your husband can't reasonably punt on the trip, say he's not going or refuse to otherwise go along with the flaky behavior, unless he's willing to be "the bad guy" or the "unreasonable person". But he can't plan the rest of his time or life or set expections or anything else, because he has to be ready to change plans and jump or do whatever when the person who is in charge of deciding when I had a girlfriend like this - she herself wasn't bad, but her mother was a nutcase (there was a clinical diagnosis) and would threaten tantrums, etc. any time anyone said "no" in any way shape or form. I couldn't care less - I'd have been happy to tell her to stick it. But my GF wasn't willing to stand up to her, so we were constantly jerked around - come earlier, come later - couldn't plan a thing. The entire household was dominated by this flaky behavior. No idea if any of this applies to you or your situation. You asked if it was reasonable...nope, not in isolation (and his behavior could be signs of something ominous too), but this is a possible reason he might reasonably be upset. |
Anonymous
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Heh...so I'm the PP @8:17AM and I wanted to add: I'm watching my SIL and BIL have issues (which are jerking me, my wife and her parents around a little too) with her MIL (husband's father). Same dealio - my SIL's MIL won't make a definite time plan and my BIL won't pin his mother down. So the rest of us are being nice and flexible and getting jerked around.
Also: PP@8:14AM is saying pretty much the same thing and nails it. It's the fact that the plans keep changing. |